40 Days!!!!! Or is it??

40 days remaining - can you believe it. I am getting so anxious to meet this little guy .... and well aware of how his tiny little presence is going to turn our whole household on its head (in the nicest possible way of course).

I need to know one thing .... is it normal at this late stage to start worrying about things like Downs Syndrome? Sight? Hearing? Please tell me I am not losing my mind because I really am starting to worry that this is a bad omen of some sort. I need to hear that I am not the only one for which this feeling intensifies as the birth draws nearer and I simply cannot remember when I was pregnant with Morgan. I wish I had a guarantee that everything is going to be 100% but I guess that is just something I have to wait for. The good thing is this - when I went to see the midwife yesterday and she was listening to baby's heartbeat with the doppler, she told me his hearing is fine because when he heard his heartbeat on the doppler - his own heartbeat sped up.

Onto other matters now .... I went to above Midwife yesterday with every intention of having my fundul height measured manually (with a measuring tape) just for my own peace of mind since there is a discrepancy with the dr's dates and with my dates.
Let me explain that the dr. is going by the very first scan (which, I might add, he rushed through) and refuses to take any of the growth scans into consideration. I have had three other scans by three different technicians through the course of the pregnancy and all their dates match mine. This makes my due date 14 July and the dr. has only booked my c/s for 9 July which means we may have history repeating itself with me going into labour afterhours before the scheduled c/s and various dr's being called in from home - or worse, a different dr performing my c/s.

I am trying not to stress too much but from someone who lived in Jhb my whole life and surrounded by very good hospitals and dr's (had Morgan with Dr. Cameron at Morningside Clinic and LOVED the experience!!!!) I guess this whole small town fear is just very real to me. I mean if anything should go wrong then Durban is the closest place at 1.5 hours drive???
Sorry - last minute nerves kicking in. Ya think???

Trick here is for me to relax as much as possible even though I am DYING to meet my little sunshine earlier than I thought.

P.S (My sister is coming to the coast the last weekend in June with a whole bunch of baby stuff incl. cot, mobile bath and lots of other bits and pieces - wouldn't it be brilliant timing if baby decides to come that weekend too?? I could think of no greater gift) :o))

Update on Dad.....

Well I spoke to my mom last night and this morning and although she tried to explain everything to me her medical terminology is not great so will try as best I can to update with what I know.

My mom was thankfully allowed in while my dad had all sorts of tests done yesterday including an ECG. The dr. showed my mom the heartbeat would beat normally and then stop repeatedly. He also did a sonar of the arteries in the neck and the left side seems to be partially obstructed with fatty tissue, although dr's words to my mother were that in my dad's case it was not severe. He showed my mom the difference in the left and right arteries in the neck and she could see the lumps on the left side, which obviously interfere with bloodflow. He also put my dad on the treadmill but since my dad was so out of breath he could only manage 2 minutes - dr. wants him on for longer in order to do a more accurate assessment so he will possibly do a repeat today. After the tests my dad was put into ICU and was told that today there will be a lot more testing done and they would perhaps look at shocking the heart.
As things stand now I am not sure when he will be released but the earliest will be tomorrow if all goes well.

Once again I ask that you keep him in your prayers - I know that he is in excellent hands with this dr but the rest is up to God.

Thank you to all of you for your offers of help, kind words and well-wishes ... it brings tears to my eyes what an amazing group of girls I have met.


11:30am UPDATE:
Seems things are a little more complicated than we thought. The drip in my dad's arm has burst so they had to cut into his groin (6 stitches) and insert the drip there. There is a cocktail of medicine in the drip to break down the clots but the dr. told my mom that the medicine he tried is not working so he has to go onto plan B and try something else. Damn it sucks being 7 hours away - I just wish I could be there for him :o(

It also seems that my dad has both supraventricular and ventricular arrhythmias which means that both the upper and lower chambers are affected.

Praying for Dad

Yesterday my dad with diagnosed with Arrhythmia while undergoing a standard medical exam for chronic benefits. The dr. was concerned enough to tell him that he needs to get to Jhb asap to a heart specialist for further testing. They live in Piet Ritief which is a good 3.5 hours out of Jhb and my sister and brother-in-law (who live in Jhb) insisted on fetching them (pretty heavy going for them) but they did not want to hear of my father driving all the way. They all arrived back safely in Jhb at 9pm last night.
Anyway my sister got hold of a good specialist at Carstenhof clinic who will be admitting my dad today at 2pm. Until then I will not have more news but I am confident that all is well after speaking to some lovely ladies on OPM.

Please keep us in your prayers and I will update just as soon as I have more information.

xoxo

33 Weeks today!!

Wow - who would have ever thought I would reach this point so soon. Over the last few days its dawned on me and suddenly I will just stop in my tracks and pure terror will wash over me at the thought of the actual birth and life thereafter.
Will my c/s go according to plan or will I end up being a statistic?
Will my baby be "normal" and will he be able to see and hear?
Will he have colic?
Will I be able to breastfeed?
Will he like me?
Will I find a nice name (something I am nowhere near doing)?
Will I last until the actual c/s date? I have the same gut instinct that I did with my daughters that this baby will not wait until then - will I make it to the hospital in time or go into labour and be faced with a home VBAC??
Will his room be finished in time?

HOLY CRAP - Im a mess aren't I??? And now I have a splitting headache.

Apart from all those questions plaguing me I am still sleeping very well at night - except for the frequent bathroom trips. For the last few years I have had such interrupted sleeps and once woken cannot go back to sleep easily at all. I suddenly find myself returning from the toilet and sleeping soundly the minute my head hits the pillow. I'm loving it!!! I'm relishing it!! because I know in a few short weeks baby will be making his tiny little presence felt throughout the house at all hours of the morning. Bless him! - as much as it all terrifies me I feel like a kid before christmas - I know my present is under the tree and I WANT IT NOW - I can't wait to meet you little man .... just please promise me that you will not give me any unexpected surprises until your room and everything else is ready for you...

Bad Mood Rising!!

Okay to start off, my mood is extremely grouchy today and I can't quite place my finger on why but I certainly will try.

1. Fkng pissed off that Adam did not win Idols last night which actually caused me to have nightmares - I mean WTF?? Surely he had a much bigger following than Kris?? First contribution to bad morning mood.

2. DH normally makes me breakfast every morning or never fails to ask what I want for breakfast which I know is very nice of him but shit I make him supper every night so its fair (and he's ready long before I am). He knows that on a Monday and Friday morning I am rushed because we have a briefing session on these days at 7:45am so I have to get to work a little earlier than normal. Well I walk into the kitchen today and no husband - so look in the lounge and find him with his feet up on the table, having just finished a bowl of chocolate flavoured oat-so-easy. My breakfast? nowhere in sight. Now Im running late and still have to do Morgan's hair and make sure she brushes her teeth etc. and only then can I worry about my make-up and blow drying my hair. So I become somewhat unreasonable and when he realises Im pissed off he quickly offers to make me breakfast and I refuse his help and tell him I don't want second hand offers thanks I'll rather do it myself. I then call my teen daughter in front of him and ask her to please grate some cheese onto toast for me while I continue getting ready - of course this pisses him off a little which was clearly my intention. Needless to say he left for work without saying goodbye to me. Second contribution to bad morning mood.

3. My sunglasses broke yesterday and I have such a problem driving in the morning sun without sunglasses on. I have a new pair I have not yet worn that were still in the case. This case was left in the kitchen after I bought them a month ago and I hadn't touched them since. So on top of my stormy mood this morning I start searching for the elusive sunglasses and ask my maid where she put them (probably that bottomless pit that we have in our house where everything falls into you know the one?). She can't remember where they are, I start running late, so I just storm out the house and once in the car put on my glasses with one arm missing - looking like a complete hillbilly!! Third contribution to bad morning mood.

4. Get to work - stormy cloud now a gloomy drizzle over my head as I grit my teeth through my boss asking for a fucking cup of tea before I have even managed to unlock my office door!!!!! Fourth contribution to bad morning mood.

5. Cherry on top? Having to sit through this briefing session acting like I really wanted to be around these annoying people that were all in such a good mood. One woman in particular who had a serious case of verbal diarrhoea and thought we all got an immense amount of pleasure hearing about how someone in her house vomited up all their rice during the night and that she had never seen this much rice in her life. yea yea yea alright already - now can we please finish this pointless fucking meeting so I can go crawl into my own hole and wallow in self-pity. Not to be sadly because said woman and colleague decided to bring their smiley faces to my office door after the meeting and have a good ol' chat about my pregnancy. Hmmm .... breaking a smile felt like I was chipping through concrete but of course I managed (ever the professional) - I mean Im not that much of a bitch even though some really evil thoughts were going through my mind at the time...

[Insert DEEEEP breath here]

I feel sooooooo much better now - see? Its out now but I can say this. All of the above were just triggers to a much bigger picture. I guess you could say I am just having a totally self-centred, ungrateful, pregnancy induced bad day and I refuse to apologise for it - not yet anyway.
This waking up in the morning when it is still dark is getting to me so much lately. I find it harder and harder to see the humour in the fact that I get up in the dark, back up this truck size body into a bath, hoping against hope that I don't slip and flood the bathroom or worse (nevermind the torture of lying down to wash my hair). Then putting on make-up and blow drying hair when all I want to do is go to work for once without having to go through the pain of looking decent. The best part? Getting dressed in one of three remaining outfits that still fits me [note that weekend and work wardrobe are now one and the same as I refuse to spend any more money on maternity clothes - besides the fact that I would probably have to go to a parachute shop] "No thanks, no need to cut to size - I'll take the whole chute - that should fit"


Yea yea ..... build a bridge and get over it you might be saying and in all honesty I agree completely since this is not like me at all but please give me one day to act like a spoilt brat - thats all I ask. I guess it also just dawned on me yesterday when I got my maternity leave form signed, that I still have another month of this torturous routine before my leave on 25 June. Of course by Monday I'll be fine again since a new week has begun and shall soon be behind me.... roll on July

Just a quickie

Before I get started - ONLY 49 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT

Okay first of all my three packages arrived yesterday from England - from hubby's aunt and cousins. One for each of my girls and and nice fat one for baby. OMW!!! What beautiful quality outfits. They really sent such cute little things! He got five little outfits in total - two beautiful blue blankies/spoeg doeks and lots of very cute brightly coloured socks.
I will post a pic tomorrow. There is apparently another parcel arriving any day now for baby as well but I have been told it is for after he is born - hehehe - think I can wait? doop-de-doop....

Sunday hubby put the shelves up in baby's room and I'm really happy with the result. See below:





Onto more good news - I had the finger prick test done today at the clinic in the pharmacy and she decided to just do the pee stick at the same time. There was zero trace of sugar in my urine and my sugar level was 4.1 after not eating or drinking for 2 hours. I called the dr. and told his assistant and she spoke to him and called me back to say that he was happy with that but I must just be a little more careful with my diet. I am so relieved its nothing to worry about.

Its hometime now - Yippee .... til next time

Celebrations and Concerns

Celebrations:

Firstly I had my baby shower on Saturday and it was wonderful - all of my friends came to celebrate and even some ladies from work which I was not expecting. I did miss having family there and I am still getting a nice parcel from an Aunt in England, my sister and my mom so this baby really is going to be spoilt...

Here are the pics:

My cute chocolate cake


Big white tummy


My wonderful buddies






Wet icing sugar and smarties (no wonder there was glucose in my urine at dr. yesterday)


In the picture below I forgot to add all the nappies I got and a few more odds and ends but this is a large part of the stuff


Concerns:
So yesterday I went for my monthly check-up and was told by dr. that I have lots of glucose in my urine. I had to sit through a 10 minute speech on how bad sugar is for baby as hubby ratted on me and told him that I drink lots of coke and eat lots of chocolate. He was not happy at all and now wants me to do that 2 hour glucose test to make sure there is no need for concern. Basically I have to wait until he gets his machine back from another dr's house and then we can do it so I fail to see that there is any kind of urgency on his side or he would have sent me elsewhere to get it done sooner rather than later. The last thing I need right now is gestational diabetes so although I know this particular dr. gets very excitable about weight gain and now this sugar intake I have decided to rather heed his advice and put my coke and chocolate addiction to bed (boo hooo).
We did the scan thereafter and baby looks very healthy - he was actually sleeping which is a first when I go for scans as he is normally wide awake and jumping all over the place. Dr showed us his lens though and it was moving furiously which we were told was rapid eye movement. Cute little man was obviously dreaming as his arm was twitching as well - God only knows what there could possibly be to dream about when your world consists of a couple of fingers, toes and a cord in a dark water-filled room.
He is weighing 2kg's according to dr's measurements and once again I was told that he is slightly overweight which could be due to my sugar problem, and he should be around 1.8kg's. Now the problem with that is this.. I know for a fact this dr. has my dates a little behind what they should be and even though every scan I go to proves that I am right on 32 weeks he still insists on going by the very first scan he did which says I'm around 30wks. This would mean that I ovulated almost a month after my LMP?? No chance in hell thats even possible. The funny thing is that with both my girls I felt the dr's dates were wrong and I had myself 2 weeks further along - well guess what? they both came two weeks earlier, on my predicted dates as opposed to the dr's. This brings me onto my next concern - the c/s date is 9 July but according to me my due date is 14 July - which means I could go into labour before my c/s date just like I did with my daughter due to incorrect dates. Hey not that Im complaining but I have told the dr. that this is a possibility and he better make sure he is in town around that time and available 24-7....!

As far as the weight gain goes - I have, thusfar picked up 14kg's which I admit, is a little more than I anticipated since I still have just short of two months left. Thank God I do not get weighed at the dr. cause he would have me feeling really bad about that too. My attitude? Que Sera Sera (Whatever will be, will be)

No Balls No Testosterone?

Before I start I must state that I am not a fan AT ALL of dogs being in my house as I can't stand the distinct dog smell that they leave. Big outside dogs can stay outside except on weekends when we are around the house inside and outside and the doors are open. I make exceptions for small dogs like my beloved yorkie of course ... and then there is Oscar the kind've inside kind've outside dog.....

Yesterday mommy took Oscar for the chop ... poor little thing. I must say hubby was a little devestated at the prospect but I guess that's just a man thing as they tend to put themselves in doggy's testosterone-filled boots. In fact - for a while there hubby started giving me side-long nervous glances hehehe.

Well the problem has been this - Oscar is just starting to come into his own at nearly a year old and I have been having such hassles with him peeing ALL over the house and I mean AAALLL over!! His favourite place? Up against our toilets. Damn! Now Im sorry but a pregnant, nesting woman and dog piss all over the house do not go well together (and I might add that three weeks ago he lifted his leg on baby's brand new car chair). That was the last straw. Apart from the fact that he started cowering for me because of all the times I rubbed his nose in the pee, gave him a smack then booted his cheeky little ass outside. Well after the pee on the baby chair he was no longer welcome in the house, not even for a 5 minute hello session because the minute he got inside he went about marking his territory - including on my daughter's school bag! Winter is upon us and although it is not cold on the KZN coastline hubby did not want his precious dog sleeping outside at night so this started causing bitter fights between us... Yes ... over a dog!!!
I decided to grab the bull by the "balls" and book him for a chop because I was simply not winning this battle of me wanting him outside and hubby wanting him inside.
I collected him yesterday afternoon and poor Oscar looked ever so forlorn and very drowsy. I have bought "Get-Off" spray as well since I know its still a good six weeks before the last of the testosterone works its way out his body. He slept inside last night of course because we all felt very sorry for him but next thing I know hubby has him up on our bed. I just can't win!! I explained to hubby that we need to enforce these rules before baby comes or he will see baby as the enemy. He is not gentle when jumping on the kids or on the bed and what if baby is lying on the bed with us and Oscar jumps up on him and hurts him???? Well I won and he was immediately removed.

The good news is that I sprayed that "Get Off" spray around both toilets and when hubby saw him walking into our toilet (obviously to his usual pee spot) he spied on him from the doorway and witnessed Oscar smelling around for somewhere to wee and when encountering the very strong Citronella smell, shaking his head and backing the hell away. hehehe ... Sorry but sometimes we just have to be cruel to be kind.

Nausea rearing its ugly head again

I haven't posted much on the nausea but I have definately noticed in the last 2 weeks that it seems to coming back. Its not the same kind as the first trimester nausea but its by no means pleasant. I am starting to have an aversion to certain types of food again and I mean rich foods and most especially cheese. I had a cheese roll this morning and now Im really feeling like I could just throw up. With the nausea I suddenly seem to have become very loose in my joints and feel like I've been doing leg exercises at the gym. My inner thighs are starting to ache when I get up from a sitting position and my lower back also feels tender ... like its just loosened up a lot (if that makes any sense). Coke which has become a total addiction throughout this pregnancy is suddenly leaving a very metalic taste in my mouth as is my next favourite - coffee (decaf). Yesterday I had a piece of dry wors at work at about 12 noon and it made me feel so sick that I didn't eat again. When I dished up dinner for hubby and kids he asked me why I'm not eating and I told him I was not hungry and would eat later. When he returned at 8:30pm from his meeting he asked me if I had eaten and I had still not - which trust me... for me is veeery surprising. I was still awake at 9:30pm and started getting the beginnings of a grumbly stomach so decided to dish up a very small helping of macaronni (avoiding the cheese of course).

I just don't know if this is how it was at the end with Morgan because I didn't keep any record. My multi-vitamins ran out two days ago and I replaced them this morning so I was wondering if it was because of that but I seriously doubt two days can make that much difference.

I guess what Im looking for here is that its all related to something, anything EXCEPT normal third trimester symptoms... please !!! somebody tell me its temporary - I can't bear the thought of feeling like this for another 7 weeks!! My poor family!!

Just a quick note too that I am experiencing so many contractions as of late. Painless but the hardening does stop me in my tracks and send me straight to the loo as it seems to have an immediate effect on my bladder. This is most embarrassing when I am walking through the casino in front of all the guests and can't just stop and wait it out - no I have to put on a smile like a good employee and walk like there is nothing to it....

Fairweather Friends

So as you know my stork party is coming up this weekned and I'm anxious and excited about it all at the same time. You know how silly pregnancy can make one - sleepless nights wondering if anyone will pitch up etc.

Well I am sure I have mentioned somewhere in earlier posts that my hubby and I have these friends - a couple that we spent a large part of our time with pre-pregnancy - and I mean every weekend kind of scenario. This to the point that I would not spend enough quality time with other friends - who, I might add are all 100% there for me, excited for me and most supportive even though I sometimes feel like I don't deserve it.
Well this couple are both in their early 40's with teenage kids and their daughter and my daughter became very good friends which was ideal because we always went on holiday's together etc and everybody well.... basically just got along swimmingly.

I appear to have committed the biggest sin it seems, by falling pregnant because it just didn't fit in with our constant partying, drinking and having fun. Right from day one of her finding out about the pregnancy she has been everything but supportive. When hubby and I were going through all our shit she never came to the rescue but instead sat at the pub getting pissed with my hubby and hers having a big laugh at my expense because of how I used to fight with him about this. Granted, it took him a while to adjust to me being pregnant and although I do not excuse his earlier behaviour I have come to understand where it came from. The pressure was still on him by those people to go out and carry on every weekend as if this pregnancy was nothing more than a minor irritation - he found it very difficult to say no to friends but very easy to say no to family (big mistake). I stopped wanting to go sit in a pub watching other people get trashed, skinder shamelessly and become, in my opinion, an embarrassment to be around. Yes I know I was right up there with them but nobody seemed to understand that with this pregnancy came a big wake up call for me and opened up so many questions about my life and how I was living it. I realised that this was exactly what I needed and wanted to change the way we were living our lives and that perhaps subconciously I had started a mourning process over not falling pregnant all these years and believing that I would never get the joy of that experience again.
I have had many a moment during this pregnancy where I have cried like a little baby on the phone to her about my hubby going out drinking all the time (hoping and praying that her and her husband would stop encouraging it so much) and although she seemed in full agreement with me I have since found out that she got great pleasure in me laying my cards on the table and would go and share my marrital woes with other people that I would never have told myself - possibly as a means to make her marriage seem solid? Isn't that why people do this?

I took the girls away for Easter weekend and as you know I left hubby at home because I was so over all his shit I actually had plans to have him move out the house on my return. Well the weekend after that he was invited to the Mighty Men Conference and I just cannot believe the positive changes I have seen in him. It just seemed to give him the push he needed and he has realised that his family come first and that this baby is a very important part of our lives. He cannot believe how he was pulled into that web and cant do enough for me now. He has also seen through those friends of ours and finally admits to me that I was right about them all along.

As for her? Well I really thought she would be organising my stork party since we had been thick as theives but when time started running out and other friends were asking me who is organising it I realised that I had wasted so much precious time on a person that was possibly THE most self-centred person I had come across. The cherry on the top of all of this?.... My other very good friend who is organising the stork party got a call from her the other day to say that she will not be able to make it because... wait for it - her son is in town and her husband is taking him out biking for the day and she wants to go with. WTF???????? Let me just expalin that he goes to boarding school 3 hours away but comes home almost every second weekend .... what happens when he's home? He does his own thing while mom sits in the pub all day getting trashed.... is that spending time with him? Now suddenly on the day of my fucking stork party she wants to go biking when she doesn't even ride??????????
That was it - the last nail in the coffin of our friendship. Confront her with this you may be saying but no I cannot do that because she will take what I say to other people and make me to sound like a petty needy person which I am not. Quite frankly the last thing I want is for her to think I give a damn. My hubby was also shocked that she couldn't be bothered to pitch up to what I consider to be one of the most important days of my life especially considering that she was well aware of the heartache I went through for 5 years trying for this pregnancy.

Conclusion? Well I decided that since everybody in this small town knows how close we were and those that are coming to the stork party would wonder why the hell she had absolutely nothing to do with organising such a special day. I think its her guilt and I can only say that I am so happy that she is now a part of my history ... I have learnt a very hard lesson about friendships through this pregnancy and those I thought least likely to come through for me have come through in so many more ways than I could have ever asked for.

Normally I am outspoken to the point of being blunt but in this instance my best line of defense?
Smile and wave Irene .... just smile and wave

Happy Anniversary

Its my 6th year anniversary today - together 7 years. I can't actually believe its been 7 years already. Tonight hubby had a meeting at the ski-boat club (as he does every Tuesday) to discuss the upcoming deep sea fishing competition since he is the Treasurer and I told him in no uncertain terms that he will have to excuse himself as he is taking me out to dinner. Not that he minded at all ..... since it seems all our problems have been resolved and he has become the model husband. I'm very pleased with the change as its one less thing to stress about.

P.S I went out yesterday afternoon and bought a small suitcase on wheels which will become mine and baby's hospital bag .... this all because I could not sleep the night before worrying about the bag - now I have it and although its empty I just feel so much better knowing its there - yes you may say it ... I'm weird hehehehe

Happy Mothers Day

A very happy mother's day to all mother's out there!! I am sad I did not get to spend the day with my mother but unfortunately she just stays too far :o(.

I was woken yesterday with some nice skin care products, a "mom" trophy, coffee and breakfast in bed so it was wonderful - oh and my younger daughter went out with her grand-dad and picked me some wild flowers which were really beautiful. Then we all went out to lunch to a place called "the Treehouse" at a country lodge. Really beautiful because it was literally like we were sitting in a treehouse. All in all it really was nice family day that left me feeling all warm and fuzzy.

Regarding my previous post - yes it turns out my iron levels were low so dr. has put me on iron pills which I started on Friday and I must say I already feel an improvement.

Baby seems to have suddenly grown again as I have noticed over the last week, along with the kicks I am now getting definate body parts protruding out and because its still a new thing I get so excited and immediately put my hand there and rub whatever body part it may be. I find that sometimes when I lie on my side he kicks the bed or tickles me so hard that I jump and burst out laughing. Well hubby thinks I've lost the plot but I told him to try imagine getting your ribs tickled from the inside. I'm so in love with this little boy and often find myself grinning stupidly while rubbing my tummy whenever I feel him moving around in there. I can't wait for my appointment on Monday next week so I firstly see him again and secondly figure out which way he's lying which will give me more of an idea of what body parts the lumps are. I am assuming that by then (32 weeks) he may have settled into the position he will stay in until the end.

I am really battling with sleepless nights now and sometimes wake up in a sweat because of this constant worry of not having the room organised. I am even starting to worry about my hospital bag not being packed and that there is still stuff I need to buy for myself to put in the bag - in fact I need to buy the bag itself since I have no decent kit bags. Baby's bag I also need to buy but I'm really looking for one that can be worn as a backpack and I won't just settle for anything.

My stork party is also coming up on Saturday and can you believe I am having horrible dreams that nobody rocks up!! I'm such a control freak that I have even gone ahead and chosen / ordered my own cake because I am worried a cake will not be organised. I am paying for the platters of food myself and want to know exactly what is going onto the platters etc. I do have a very good friend who is taking care of it all but I just can't help sticking my nose in!! I am very sorry, however, that my family will not be here as this will be the first baby I am having without family around and its hard. My sister is due to come in the next few weeks and I only wish that it was the weekend of my stork party so I can brag about my little nephew who is absolutely adorable. I know .... take a deep breath and relax - everything will fall into place but honestly - Have you ever known a pregnant woman who does not stress on details such as these - ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ARE ONLY 8 WEEKS LEFT??? HOLY CRAP!@!!!!!!!!

WTF has hit me?

Okay so here I was bragging so much about how good this little boy is to his mamma and suddenly the 3rd trimester blues hits me with a curve ball. Yesterday morning my alarm went off and I couldn't for the life of me, move my body from the bed. Hubby was in the bath with Morgan - washing her hair etc etc and I was just lying there feeling like an anesthetised elephant. Body so heavy and sore and all I wanted to do was sleep. I dragged myself out of bed, felt horribly nauseous, slowly and steadily lowered myself into the bath [picture a truck backing up], lay back and stayed there ... just could not move - completely lame. Then it dawned on me .... I don't have to go to work if I'm feeling like this surely? I mean I have a boss who is an absolute darling - especially considering he's a man. So instead of cleaning my body I climbed back out the bath still wearing yesterday's make-up - put pj's back on and climbed back under the covers - getting up only once more to plait daughter's hair. After the usual morning rush for school, suddenly ... silence. Bliss!!!! I made a toasted sandwich and flicked through countless channels before feeling too sleepy so decided to have a quick catnap. Well so much for that - I checked my watch upon waking and it was 12:30pm!!!! Oh crap! time to get up again, have a proper bath, get a couple of groceries, pick up kids from school etc etc. and through it all I was not feeling much better at all but this morning I started feeling a little more like myself.
In saying that - I sit here now at 12:40pm and feel like dogshit again - my mind is a blur and all I want to do is sleep. My body is starting to feel heavy and lame again. What gives???

At my last gynae app. I told him I thought my iron levels were low so he ordered a haemoglobin test and said he would call if there was a problem. well I never got the call but can't help feeling that there is in fact a problem with my iron levels. I'll wait it out the next few days and see if there is an improvement otherwise I'll put in a call. I just don't like feeling shitty like this cause it makes for one MOTHER F GRUMPY pregnant woman and I HATE being moody with my family - my kids deserve better and my husband? ....well he just takes it personally which ends up just making me more damn tired!!!


UPDATE** Okay just called dr's rooms and asked her to give me the results of the haemoglobin test - she said they had come back on the low side and I told her I had another "episode" yesterday and today feeling really crappy. Dr will call me just now - she said he will more than likely up my vitamin dose.. Anything to make me feel better although I must say I'm a little peeved at having to wipe their asses to get my results!!

30 Weeks Today!!

Wow! It feels like just yesterday when we were all sitting at the diningroom table for dinner and I presented my husband with the (very quickly made) card above. The confusion on his face was classic actually - I even remember that I had made a very nice macaroni cheese for dinner even though I wanted to vomit every 5 minutes while preparing it. [I deserve cudo's for that one]. I had found out the day before that I was pregnant, after refusing to believe it for a few weeks and blaming it on a stomach bug. The reason for this was because we had tried so long (5 years to be exact - with one blighted ovum to boot) and lots of doctor's visits, lots of poking and prodding, clomid, injects, HSG's, sperm analysis, bloods, bloods and more bloods ... well you get the picture.
It seems the best medicine known to man is to just ... well... give up! make peace that its not on the cards for you .... which I did - about 4 months prior. DH was not happy at all but I told him I was tired of putting my life on hold for something that was clearly not in God's plan for us. I wanted my life back, I wanted my body back - I wanted to remember how it felt to just .... LIVE!! I was sick and tired of bleeding like a slaughtered pig every say .... 50 days or so - with PMS symptoms for a good 2 weeks leading up to the arrival of that bitch Aunt Flo.... sooooo - I decided mid-cycle to start the pill (yes - mid-cycle as I was too impatient to wait for AF to rear her ugly head). Turns out all my PMS symptoms, heartburn (which I put down to the 4 glasses of wine consumed the night before), nausea (put down to a bad stomach bug which was in fact going around at the time) and absolute exhaustion (again a nasty side-effect of this new strain of stomach bug) were something that everybody else but me could see for what they were - yes ... early pregnancy symptoms. Yep - pretty damn clueless you must think but damn - after trying for so long with so many disappointments who could blame me?

When I eventually went to see a dr. about this "stomach bug" and decided to just stop at the pharmacy and pick up a test on the way (not believing for one minute it would be positive) - peeing on the stick and to my utter shock the line coming up so much darker than the control line.... yep - I remember all too well - the mixed emotions on those first few days. I refused to tell DH when I first found out and don't even ask me how I managed that but I did. The whole blighted ovum experience came flooding back and I refused to believe it until I saw tangible proof. The dr. took my bloods which I would have the results for the following day and I managed to get in to see a GP the following day, who had a very basic sonar machine in his rooms - there was my proof and to put into words the emotions I felt when I saw my little bean with a beating heart would be completely impossible. It was determined that I was 8 weeks along and had gone on the pill at 5 weeks pregnant. No harm done I was told and this is often a mistake that women have made.
I couldn't wait for DH to get home so I could share the news .... notice the card is blue - I just knew in my heart I was carrying the little boy we both so much longed for.

So here I sit 30 weeks pregnant and wondering where the hell this whole pregnancy has gone to. I am so relieved I had the foresight to start this blog because even though I am still pregnant I am missing it already if that makes any sense. I am soo looking forward to meeting my little man but this journey has been absolutely amazing - this pregnancy, although at 38 years of age has been so incredibly good to me in comparison to my other two pregnancies which were full of complaints and I guess the wonder I feel at being given this chance just one more time has me waking up every day and counting my blessings - perhaps because I had to fight a good fight for this one? who knows. I guess what I'm saying is that, in a sense I have started mourning the loss of my life as a fertile woman, a baby maker, a new mother .... this will be my last and I have to say, its a bitter pill to swallow. It's a chapter in my life that I have to say goodbye to in order to begin the new chapter, the second half of my life.

Forgive me my nostalgic / melancholic state but this too shall pass ..... ;o)

We have Lift-off!!

Well finally hubby helped me this weekend to put the border up around the room (the wooden bit) and I have to say I am so happy with how the room is coming on. Yes, its been a long slow road with lots of changes in paint colour etc but finally I feel I got it right and things are actually progressing. After we had both put the wood up and let it dry a little I FINALLY put up my beautiful little teddy bear border and I have to say I LOVE IT! The room is finally starting to look like a baby's room instead of a storeroom.

Last week my chest of drawers that I had made arrived and because I was so excited about it I wanted to take it home in my car (seats down) that very day instead of waiting until the next day which was the only time he could deliver. My maid and I really struggled to get it out the car because it was damn heavy - and then to push it right through the house to baby's room. Yes - "stupid" is the understatement of the year I guess because I was very sore around the stomach area that night and DH was quite pissed off with me (even though he really loved the drawers) ;o)