Depressed

Well here I sit 25 weeks pregnant and although I am eternally grateful to God for giving me this pregnancy and a son no less, I can't help being pulled down by my husband. I hate to complain on my blog but i need some sort of diarised reminder for months down the line when I too easily forget the lack of support or interest from his part. Why do some men feel the need to go out drinking so much when we are pregnant as if their lives are coming to an end? I have had a total lack of support from him throughout this whole pregnancy. No help with ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING - not the painting of the walls, choosing of the colours, ordering of the cot, cupboards, cleaning of the prams, campcots etc. NOTHING!! I have been doing it all. He has little to no interest to feel baby kicking when he is lying in bed with me, even though my girls just love to sit around my stomach and wait for baby to play. This is the first pregnancy that I am doing without family around and I have to say it is probably THE lonliest time of my life. Thank God for my true friends I have here who have decided to help me finish baby's room and share in my joy etc. not to make me feel better, but because they really do care. It's really hard for me to go onto my favourite pregnancy boards and read how supportive other husbands are - so where did I go wrong? He was never like this when I was pregnant with Morgan - why now? Is he jealous because he senses competition with a little boy?? Does this all go back to primitive territorial behaviour of a male leader in his group of adoring females? I don't know .. all I do know is I will not take this SHIT lying down. I WILL surround myself with people who make me feel good about myself instead of beating myself up over a dead beat husband. As of now I will do my best to completely exclude him from everything baby including the choosing of a name!! (put that in your pipe and smoke it sunshine)!! In fact I am so mad I am considering having the baby in Jhb at my old gynae and having a family member support me and not him.... its my perogative is it not? Learn to treat me with respect or I will take away from you the one thing that you most want.

Well apart from all the shit mentioned above I still try to remain positive and soldier on. I have my wallpaper now but until I have bought the cot on 15 April and have a fair idea on where my furniture is going - I will not be putting it up as I do not want to waste it by using it behind cupboards. After all the indecision I decided to go with this one and I must say the picture does not do it much justice - it is beautiful quality and even the colours are brighter... will add pic once up on wall..


Yesterday afternoon I had a bit of a scare because I suddenly realised at about 6:30pm that I hadn't felt baby move for at least the last 3 hours. I immediately pulled my doppler out and tried to listen to the heartbeat but could NOT.FIND.IT!! I tried to remain calm as i thought I may have heard a little kick but it just wasn't clear enough for me to be sure. I gave it a break, walked around a little, went to pee and then tried again - still nothing :o( ... I decided then to push my stomach in with both hands like I was kneading bread and not too gentle either and then....suddenly .. a little kick on my lower left side. THANK THE LORD!!!! I was so damn nervous because I had been having bad thoughts during the day due to my husband and I really thought I was being punished. I then put the doppler back on my belly with a shitload of gel and found a big strong heartbeat right under my belly button. *whew* instant relief washed over me and my colour returned. I am guessing that because I have an anterior placenta, and although it has migrated upwards in the last few months it is still partially in the way of movement, that baby just found a really good hiding place behind it. We will have to have a chat when he is born ... making his mommmy worry like that!!

Apart from that I spent Sunday with friends and had a really good day. Karen took me into her garage and showed me the most BEAUTIFUL little wooden crib that she said i could borrow for baby. I will be collecting it this week so will take a picture just as soon as I have my grubby little paws on it. It is so cute and just the right size for baby. I will be putting it right next to my bed for the first three months, after which baby will probably outgrow it. I just feel that the cot I am buying is so big and baby will look tiny in it. When Morgan and Kaylah were babies I had them sleep in their prams a lot - next to the bed as the size was a lot better than a cot so this is going to be just perfect.

I can't believe that tomorrow I will be on 99 days remaining until my scheduled c/section!!!! (well according to ff anyway - the ticker on my blog says otherwise because that date is worked out according to my actual due date). Either way I have come a really long way from where I started at 288 days!!!! I remember seeing women on 99 days and feeling like I would never get there but here I am ....

As far as how I am feeling I have never felt healthier and I have to admit that I am sure my stomach is not as big as it was with Morgan. I get around easily, I have not had a moment's backache (had it terrible with Morgan), no real aches and pains and the ones I have are not even worth a mention - this little boy seems to be good to his mama and has not even added ONE stretch mark to her belly or butt [hmmmm .... she feels like she is jinxing her good fortune].
I remember going for a monthly check-up in my second trimester with Morgan and when they weighed me (2 months in a row) I had gained 4kg's each time!!! Wow! That's 8kg's in 2 months. As things stand now I have gained around 10.5kg's but I have felt a slight increase in my appetite lately. I still enjoy lots of fruit and vege's and can't eat huge portions of meat but my biggest downfall is my addiction to coca cola and sweets and chocolates. I almost have to have a chocolate every day (blush). My other, somewhat healthy, craving is my glass of grapefruit juice every morning - yummy!! I decided about 2 months ago already that I was not going to discuss my weight gain with my gynae as he doesn't even bother to weigh me anyway. The reason for this is because of how guilty he made me feel after Christmas and quite frankly I don't think I have anything to feel guilty about. All he will do is give me one more thing to worry about and in all honesty my plate is packed to capacity with all the other stuff going on in my life.

So after speaking to my friends we decided to make a day of it the Saturday after Easter weekend because by then I will have my cot. They will all come around with husbands and we will put up the dido rails, wallpaper and assemble the cot. I really am excited and hopefully it will piss on Oli's battery a little and make him feel foolish that friends husbands are essentially doing the job he has failed so miserably to do himself.

Until next time ladies, my little man is as of now, practacing for the world cup with my bladder so off to the ladies i go ......

Belly Pic & 24 week scan

hmmmm - where do I start ....?

Well first of all let me load my new belly pic but be warned its getting HUGE!!!




Yep - 24 weeks already - I actually can't believe it myself, I feel like this pregnancy is flying by.

Yesterday I had my checkup with dr. and all is looking great. Looks like my little boy is weighing around 600g now which I'm happy with. I told him that I can no longer handle the acid reflux and heartburn and it was getting so bad it was causing me to vommit so finally he gave me a script for heartburn medication and the funny thing is its the same medication I was taking before falling pregnant which I stopped. So I have put myself through torture for the last 2 months when I could have been taking those capsules. Oh well at least from here on it will get better. Baby looked gorgeous on the scan and we could see him opening his mouth and putting fingers inside. Along with the dr. we even counted the fingers and made sure there were five!! lol. He is still lying head down so all those pokes and kicks I've been getting to the bladder which have made me all but run straight to the toilet are actually headbutts and punches with little fists - what a strong boy!!
I decided to go past maternity ward for a 3D straight afterwards since we were there already and I was soooo disappointed because as usual he just did not want to show his face. I got only one pic printed which I will load later today - of his one ear and an arm up covering his face. I must admit though that I could see the lady doing the scan was not all that clued up since she was soooo gentle with the wand on my stomach it tickled. She should have tried a little harder to make him move like the lady who did my early 3D did. At some point I wanted to snatch it from her and do it myself. Then she was wasting time trying to see the sex when all I wanted was a pic of the face. She only went into 3D mode like 15 minutes into the actual scan. grrrrr

I really hope the Storks Nest in Umhlanga will do a better job and has a more experienced sonographer since I am paying for that one. I will be going on 15 April so I will be around 27wks pregnant and I can't wait. We are going to make a day of it and go to Baby & Co at Gateway to buy our cot, bedding and car chair ... and of course some other odds and ends that I may need. Its going to be so exciting to get the stuff back and finally start making progress with the room!!

WAIT!!! I think I found it

So after calling the wallpaper shop to get prices he told me to look under another section I didn't even know was there and I immediately fell in love with the following...!



...below is also little appliques that can be stuck on doors, walls, cupboards etc.


Then there is another one which was my ORIGINAL CHOICE at Game - believe it or not these people supply Game and it would cost me less!!!

Help Needed!!

Okay so after my last post Marthie very kindly gave me the webpage of a wallpaper place down the road from her and after looking at it I found they had more choices than I've seen in any one shop around here.

I have narrowed it down to three choices which I will attach below .... please let me know what you ladies think - since my husband does not have a clue


This first one I like because I was thinking of doing a teddy bear theme but I'm just not sure if its too girly for a boy (bearing in mind that it can be changed when he gets a little older?




This one again going with the teddy bear theme but I can't help feeling that it is a little colourless and boring?



This one I really like because ... well who doesn't like Disney and it will be a good match for my walls - but again is it not too girly?





The lower half of the wall is blue and the top half is cream so I am looking for something that will incorporate both colours and kind've bring them together. Grrrrr - I hate not having my family around to help me make the right choice. Any and all suggestions will be appreciated :o)

Getting the show on the road

Wow - my tummy is really popping out now and its so hard. I need to take a picture this week and post it. I also need to find a photographer close by that will take some tasteful belly pictures for me. My little man already has his periods of activity and rest and it seems he's a late sleeper because in the morning he is very quiet until about 9am/10am and then the party gets started. It could also be that by then he has had his breakfast and juice so batteries are recharged. He sleeps again for quite a while in the afternoons and then normally wakes around 4:30pm and generally stays awake until after I have struggled to fall asleep (due to punches and kicks etc).

I found out from Margate Netcare the other day that their 3D/4D scanning machine only prints pictures and they are NOT able to put it on video or dvd?? Well you can just imagine my disappointment. But I guess when its a free service you just don't get what you want. I have decided to go on Saturday 28th March (I will be 25 weeks) with the kids and Oli and just hope I can get a good picture of the face and then I will also go to someone else a couple of weeks later who can video the whole scan.
Yesterday I called the same lady who did my 3D when I was 18 weeks and unfortunately she will not be coming to the coast around the time I need her to do my 26-32 week 3D so she gave me some other suggestions. One being to call Netcare Storksnest in Imhlanga so I called them yesterday afternoon and their prices are pretty reasonable (R250) plus they do a full DVD of the scan too (extra R15) - Yipppeee!
I booked it for 15 April when I will be 27weeks and I am so excited I can hardly contain myself because I have planned a lot around that appointment. Firstly I told Oli he HAS TO take that day off work and take me the one and half hours to Durban and we will make a day of it because I have been needing to go do shopping at a decent mall for baby so Gateway is where we will go. I have heard that Babies r Us is huge there so all the things I can't find here (cots, bedding, bath with stand) I will try get on that day from Gateway.

I am feeling a lot more positive just after those few arrangements because I finally feel like things are happening with baby's room. To top that off even more exciting news!!!! Shhhhh - but I know when Im having my stork party and it'll be on Saturday 18th April - a month away!! I know I should have booked going to Durban AFTER the stork party but we won't have the money or the space to buy everything we need on one shopping trip so I am more than happy to go back there again at a later date to get all my little odds and ends that I still need.

As for babies room - yes I'm afraid I have decided to change the wall colour YET AGAIN! This time I am very happy with the blue colour at the bottom but the more I look at the top colour the more gray it becomes and the more the room looks like a cold prison cell. Baby will be coming in winter and the room is North facing so we want some warmth in there. I found the soft cream colour I was looking for and have also found a reputable painter recommended by my local hardware. I will be fetching him on Saturday morning and let him do the job and finish it for once and for all instead of me piss-assing around trying to take on every single chore that has to do with baby's room - yes finally I admit it I AM SIMPLY NOT CAPABABLE ANYMORE - I. NEED. HELP - in fact I WELCOME IT!! [um...btw.. that took herculean effort to admit]..
I have also decided to go with a teddy bear theme for the room since I can't stand trains, planes and automobiles and I despise Bob the Builder!! The problem is that every shop that sells the wallpaper strip only has Winnie the Pooh!!! shit - even Babies r Us in Gateway!! WTF is wrong with these people?? Does nobody out there have ANY new ideas?? I HAD Winnie the Pooh for Morgan 6 years ago and nothing has changed! *sigh* Well I decided to give Game in Gateway a chance to prove themselves first so I'll take a look what they have and if they don't have what i want I will have to settle for my original choice from a catalogue in Game Margate - wait for it .. R270 for 4 metres (and I probably need 3 rolls)!! Quite ridiculous but worth it since Im not prepared to settle for something I don't want.... and sorry but stencilling (although appealing [insert sarcasm here]) is just not gonna happen since I fear I am a complete perfectionist and anything less than professional looking just won't do for my special little boy!!!

We move on to names and for some reason I am starting to panic a little since I am still struggling to come up with anything that we both totally love. So far my short list (still prowling however so this list may still grow considerably)

I love the name Alexander as a middle name - but to convince Oli - anyway moving onward here is my list so far:

Connor Alexander Broome
Corbin Alexander ....
Deacon [you get the picture]
Murray ....
Preston....
Sloane....
Travis
Micah (pronounced Mee-kah)
Trey...
Kellan....

P.S (I love the name Chase but put together with Broome the poor lil' guy will spend his life warding off sick humour directed at that unfortunate combination)..

Anyway - here I thought this was going to be a quick post but I got carried away I guess - all I have left to say is that i can't wait for my check-up with gynae on Monday so I can see how my little star has grown..!

later on that same day ...... [cue music] da da da daaaaa

So I went to the hardware this afternoon and bought the mechanism. I am so proud of me right now I could shit. (Forgive my technical names for the mechanism bits but try to keep up) .... the little thingy that clicks into the door frame when you shut the door was facing the wrong way so I had to unscrew the mechanism and inside found some bits and pieces and a springy kinda thing. Well I turned the one bit around so the thingy that clicks into doorframe as mentioned above would face the right way (and door would stay closed) but the spring jumped out and I had to sit and try figure out for half an hour how the spring fits. I ended up unscrewing the old mechanism for a cross-section of insides and fit the spring in a similiar manner.. (still with me??) hehe - eventually I managed to put the whole thing back together, into the door, handles back, right screws in right holes and then ... the moment of truth ... I inserted the key slowly and voila!!!!!!! THE DOOR LOCKS!! Yep .. I'm dancing right now - or trying at least. Did I mention that I'm proud of me?
You may be wondering what the hell Im so excited about but the prospect of future afternoons undisturbed has me so excited I can hardly contain myself ... hmmmm ... and the party girl went where exactly???

On the down side...
I spent too long on the damn door today so I missed out on my sleep. It is now 5pm and I have to start thinking about what to make for dinner - BLAHHH!!!! Oh well at least it gives me time to come up with a very creative DO NOT DISTURB sign right?

Pssst - BTW baby HATES this laptop on my belly ... time to go

Mood Swings & Things

Okay I know I need to write an entry soon so I'll do it but be warned - for some reason my mood is completely sour today but I'll try and behave.

I have been so tired the last three days and my nights are filled with toilet trips and vivid dreams. Afternoon sleeps are hard to come by since the kids are home in the afternoon and my door constantly opens and slams shut with people coming in and out to either dig in my drawers or the best is - my little girl comes and asks me to get her something from the kitchen while staring me in the face - a face, I might add, that has closed eyes and gentle snoring?? The mind boggles. Then of course, there's the maid who makes frequent trips to my cupboard to pack iorning away on a daily basis - sometimes forgetting to close the bedroom door behind her and with my windows open the door shuts with a mighty bang from the wind. I am not a person who comes by sleep very easily so my family knows that once I am woken I cannot go back to sleep which equals a very grumpy pregnant woman. My door does not lock - the lock is broken so I have decided to go to the hardware and buy a whole new mechanism and also make a sign that says "DO NOT DISTURB" so in future when I am down for a much needed afternoon nap, the maid can put ironed clothes on the spareroom bed and see to the kids needs until such time as I wake up.
Another problem is my vivid dreams. Last night for example I was dreaming about breastfeeding. I had had the baby two days before but hadn't breastfed so quickly grabbed my jack russell and he breastfed (was he my baby?) - Next thing my brother-in-law was supposed to be breastfeeding but he was out and I was worried my milk would dry up.. Where the heck was my baby? Then my sister and brother-in-law had a baby that was 6 months old that I was going to breastfeed but he had a tooth growing in such a strange place on his gum that I couldn't. I put these dreams down to my determination to get breastfeeding right and perhaps my fear that things may go wrong.

As far as baby goes, he is moving so much now so I have a strong feeling my placenta is migrating up and out the way. My midwife felt around last week and also mentioned that she can feel my placenta has moved so for that I am really grateful because I was so scared I would not feel much movement with this pregnancy. I am feeling strong kicks right by my belly and the smaller punches right down on my right side - especially last night when I played him some music. I couldn't stop smiling because I had my ipod earphones on my belly and he first kicked in the spot i had put the one and then punched in the spot I had put the other... maybe he doesn't did classical music? lol. On Saturday night myself and Oli were lying in bed and baby was being particularly active so I told him to put his hand on my belly. Almost immediately baby gave a hard kick that even surprised me since I had not even felt a kick that hard yet. I was so happy that finally he could be a part of what had, up until now, been mine and baby's secret. Baby was ready to share...
Kaylah got her first few little kicks last night after I had eaten dinner but I guess he got tired from all the food and went to sleep pretty quickly.
As far as how I sleep, I normally sleep half on my side and half on my stomach with my top leg bent up and my hands under my pillow. I can see that I will have to start adapting to another position since in the last two weeks I have felt little kicks and punches in the area that I am clearly squashing.
Oooooh gotta run to the looo - just had a snack and baby is moving around again - right now pressing on my bladder ... (I'm loving it - huge grin) .... brb

------- x ---------

On the weight side ... I've picked up 8kg's so far but I am finding much needed info on Our Precious Moments under the mommies forum. Whew - those ladies really make a girl feel good!!!!

High Blood Pressure

On Wednesday at work I was feeling period pain type cramps in my lower stomach and back, which initially I just ignored but was aware of. They got bad enough for me to stop what I was doing and take notice but not double over in pain. I decided to pop past my midwife after work and she tested my urine again. She noticed there was still blood in my urine from the bladder infection and thrush but the actual bladder infection had cleared up. She then checked my blood pressure and we were both shocked to find that it was 140/90??? WTF?? I've never had a blood pressure problem and so far this pregnancy its always been around 120/70. She then checked my uterus and found that it was irritable. Wow - it seems the bladder infection just unleashed a whole chain of events and she told me to go straight home on bedrest and booked me off Thurs and Fri (yes, I am in bed as I type this). It was pretty upsetting for me because I kept thinking the worst - that I may go into labour and give birth long before baby is ready!!
Needless to say on Wednesday night Oli got takeaways and I just stayed in bed. Yesterday afternoon I went back to midwife just to settle my mind and I was so relieved that my b/p had come right down to 120/60!! She did say I must still rest though due to the irritable uterus but what a relief!!
On the bright side, when she took measurements of my uterus she said baby is growing very very well!! He's weighing around 400 grams now and honestly, all I want is for him to get to 1kg before I can fully start relaxing about these little episodes that scare the shit outa me.

So this morning I got a bee in my bonnet - yes I know I should be in bed but I am back in bed now as it didn't take me too long. I mentioned in an earlier post that I had got a cupboard made (still waiting for second one). Well first thing I did this morning was pack it with all the baby's things and they look adorable. Obviously the clothes will get washed and moved around once I have all my packing space. I plan to get the same guy to build me a chest of drawers/compactum, block shelves to mount above the drawers and of course my second cupboard. Below is a picture of what I have so far:




Of course after climbing back into bed my mind started wondering again about the room and something I thought would look cool painted on the wall... Of course that got me into high gear and I decided to just do it .. what's the worst that can happen? I can just paint over it again. Okay well my feet were aching terribly by the time I was done but I HONESTLY love the end result!! I couldn't go with more colours until I have chosen my wallpaper strip..

Family

Well my app. on Monday went well. Dr gave me a script for a single pill and some topical cream but it does seem to be taking a little while to work (grrrrr). Other than that he decided to do a scan as well and my little man is looking cuter than ever. Dr. wanted to give me a printout of baby's face (profile) and his hands were all over his face, scratching, sucking fingers etc. so dr. moved the probe around quite fast and said "C'mon move your hand" - poor little thing immediately put his hand down by his side and kept it there!! Good news is when dr. did all the measurements baby seems to have jumped two weeks growth in a week!!!! That's my boy!!

I got a call yesterday afternoon that one of my cupboards I ordered was finished and was in the shop!! I was so excited to go see it so I took both my girls with me as I really needed a second opinion from Kaylah. I loved it!! It came out a lot better than I had imagined and Kaylah also loved it. We had measured it so that there is hanging space at the top and about 5 shelves underneath that. It was done in white as I requested but for some stupid reason they had put on a gold knob instead of a plain white one [puke!!] - oh well nothing that I can't change!! He will deliver it today so when I get home I will take pictures and post.. I am so excited to start packing his clothes in there lol. This leads me to my next problem .... family

I am honestly feeling the pinch not having my sister or my mother anywhere close by with this pregnancy as they were both there with my other two and I guess I took that for granted. I don't say Oli is not excited about it but when it comes to things like decorating the room or discussing baby clothes or breastfeeding he really has no idea whatsoever. I miss having someone to coo with when I am out shopping for all things baby but I must say my daughter has really stepped up to the plate as if she senses just how much I need her right now. I love her to bits!!

I guess what I'm saying is that this pregnancy is very lonely - I can't just take my newly purchased goods down the road to sister and mom and sit over cake and tea discussing all our birth stories. What's worse is that none of them will be around for the birth either - its my first little boy and such a special moment that I want to share it with everybody that is important in my life. Oli's mom lives in Jhb but I can't say that we are particularly close and our relationship, for some reason, was never given the chance to blossom. Oli's dad lives in our cottage on our property but the man drives me half insane and all I want is for him to go get his own place and his own life instead of interfering in mine (trust me you have to know the man to understand these ARE NOT pregnancy hormones talking).
The problem also lies with the friends we have made since moving to the coast two years ago. Most of the friends we see on a very regular basis are all over 40 and have teenage kids so its pretty damn hard for the female friends to sympathise with me when I need a shoulder to cry on or when I need to just throw a temper tantrum because pregnancy is but a distant memory to them and I get that they cannot remember being this grumpy when they were pregnant - its not stuff you want to remember. In saying that however, their husbands remember it as if it were yesterday!! Then there is my other crowd of friends, some still single, some just started their married life - the kidless bunch ... I love them all but again I cannot expect them to sit and listen to me waffle on about my amazing pregnancy when in all fairness it can't mean much to them.
I feel blessed to be surrounded by all these friends but sadly nothing can replace my family whom I miss so very much right now.

[P.S] Cheryl / Mom - ahem ... if you read this please feel free to plan a little holiday around the time I give birth [insert cheeky grin here] Luv you loads - promise!! xxxx

The Joys ......

This weekend was a VERY uncomfortable weekend for me as I stupidy did not take interflora pills with my antibiotics prescribed last week. On Friday I started getting a little discomfort and quickly realised I was getting thrush so started eating lots of plain yoghurt ... I guess that was just too little too late because by yesterday afternoon I was soooo uncomfortable - sore, itching, you name it!!

I went to the pharmacy yesterday morning and got some probiotics but once again they wouldn't really help since I should have started them with the antibiotics. I did not want to just get any over-the-counter meds without speaking to my dr. and of course for this I had to wait until today.
Anyway I called dr's room at 9am today and she said that I needed to come in at 2pm and get a checkup.... huh? I thought he was just going to fax a script through to the pharmacy and be done with it?? Not sure why he wants to see me but I suppose he wants to make sure the bladder infection coupled with the thrush is not causing any problems like an irritable uterus or something. I'm not complaining since I love seeing baby so hopefully he does a scan today...!