29 Days - the countdown begins

Let me start with my check-up on Friday. All went well and baby is growing like an absolute champ ... it appears that due to my healthy placenta and appetite my body naturally grows 'em rather large. He was weighing in at a whopping 2.7kg's at 34 weeks and after calculating that since the previous app. he had put on approx. 230g per week - I have estimated his birth weight to be in the region of about 3.7kg's. This I can deal with because Morgan weighed 3.6kg's at birth and for me was a perfect size. We noticed a lot of vernix floating around in the water ... a sure sign that baby is gearing up for birth so I was pretty pleased about that. Dr also mentioned that he went to a conference and they were shown a new state-of-the-art 4D scanner that he is considering buying. So each gynae in our area gets the use of the machine for a week to see if they like it. He took down names of patients that were interested in having a 4D done (including mine) and said his receptionist would contact us with a time to come in that week and have a free scan done. Yippee!! So I DO get to see baby one more time.

I am really starting to feel the effects of being in the late 3rd trimester and have found myself crying on three different occassions for really stupid reasons. We went shopping on Sunday to buy Morgan's birthday present and I kept feeling pins and needles in my legs and had to hold onto shelves for support before I passed out. It felt as if there was not enough oxygen going to my legs and in turn to my head so obviously baby was lying on a nerve or even better ... he has dropped? When we got home I went and lay down on the bed and hubby took over the cooking of a beautiful lunch of lamb shanks (he used a recipe in Jamie Oliver's cookbook), with roast potatoes and lots of vegetables .... and get this ... he didn't ask me ONCE to help him even though he is still getting over his nose op from last Wednesday and at the time of cooking had a splitting headache as he needed to do a drain of the sinisus again. Anyway I was very grateful for this selfless act and after lunch we both climbed into bed and he fell promptly asleep. Later I made a nice chocolate cake for Morgan to wake up to on Monday morning - and I just left him to chill and flick through sports channels. 7:30pm we had tea and chocolate cake with fudge icing yummmmmyyy!!!

Yesterday was Morgan's birthday but she had already received the clothes we bought for her and the doll - which I bought on Saturday. This doll has such realistic facial expressions and cries when you remove the dummy and when you put it back it makes sucking noises and the eyes close and open until it falls asleep, at which point the stomach moves up and down and it breathes peacefully.... very cool. I thought it would be appropriate because she has taken to playing dolls again now that the thought of having a baby in the house has become a reality to her. DH bought her a (wait for it) ... game of chess????? [insert confused expression here] - I told him he was crazy cause IMO that was the most boring game on earth and he said he used to enjoy it and would teach her how to play ... hmmm [watch this space] - we took her to spur last night and she got the usual birthday song sung to her by tired staff that look like they've done this once too many times - but she enjoyed her day all in all and mommy managed to put her own aches and pains on hold for her special little girl.
The killer is still coming up on Saturday - her birthday party which is at the house and she has about 10 friends coming. I woke up at 4:30am this morning and was doing lists in my head of what I still need to do etc. I have ordered the jumping castle but still need to order the cake, sweets, adults food - HELP!!! Any ideas on easy snacks would be most welcome... All I want is for her party to be a great success and then for it to be over so that my last (work) hurdle has been crossed. Well the last official hurdle will be 19 June which is my last day of work - OMG I can't wait to just park off with my feet up all day - bliss!!!

I need to get something off my chest and not too sure how to put into words so if I sound at all like I do not appreciate this pregnancy with every ounce of my being then please be assured that this is definately not the case. I have spent 35 weeks waiting to get to this point now - where I can actually see the finish line. Happy and a little envious when friends (online and others) have crossed over and met their little bundles already ... wishing it was me, willing the weeks to fly by. Well.... here I sit - 35 weeks pregnant (with number 3 no less) and suddenly ... I'm not so sure I want it yet!!! I'm not ready!! I'm shitting myself here!! I've suddenly hit a downer and through glimmers of excitement, fear is the overriding force right now. Why am I feeling like this?? What is wrong with me?? Does this make me a bad mother to my little boy? Am I sinking into a bit of depression or is it just natural towards the end to suddenly question what the hell you are doing and what made you think you wanted to do this? Honestly? right now the impending arrival of this baby has got me so worked up and I just wonder if I am good enough to be a super-mom to all three of them. Either way this baby is coming and I need to pull myself together and do what mom's do best .... just try to be a great mom by doing what comes naturally and the rest will hopefully fall in place.