Letting Go...

So this weekend Kaylah's friend who moved to Durban came by bus to spend some time with her and so far they have had a wonderful time catching up with eachother.
Yesterday we were all lazing around the pool and the two girls were on their cell phones frantically trying to make plans with other friends in town who also wanted to see Felicia before she goes back to Durban. Kaylah then asked if they could go to movies last night if they got a lift from one of her friends parents and I said it was fine. A few minutes later she told me another friend Monique's father was on his way to collect them to take them to the beach, thereafter we must fetch them and they would probably be going out to movies last night with yet another friend. I suddenly realised after she had left for the beach that she had become independant of me. A little later we went to collect them and myself Oli, Morgan and Trent decided to indulge in a waffle where we were to meet them. They came to the table along with Monique but immediately decided to take a walk down to the beach and on their return sat at a seperate table clucking like little chickens about the goings on in all their teenage friends lives. After saying goodbye to Monique we all herded into the car and I heard my daughter saying to her friend "Shame that is sooo terrible" so I asked her what she was talking about. Her answer? "Sorry mom its a personal issue about another girl in the school". I smiled sadly to myself as in one breath I am so proud of her and the many friendships she has forged and yet in another breath I suddenly felt that she no longer needs me as she used to.

I have always been incredibly protective of this child firstly because she is not Oli's daughter and secondly because she just never knew how to take any of life's knocks. I fought her battles for her fiercley and would literally turn anyone to dust who dared upset her. She was and still is a very sentisitve little soul and I remember as a baby and toddler she was a constant attachment to one of my legs when we were in the company of other people even when invited to kiddies parties she just would never partake in the festivities, rather choosing to hide by mommy.

As she grew and started school she was still a terribly uncertain little child and I spent many a day blaming myself because I believed it was due to her not having a father figure in her life. I constantly worried about her as she found it difficult to make friends and was often teased due to being overweight by little brats who had no idea that if the time was taken, they would discover in her a beautiful little gem that would be nothing but enriching to their lives.

Years later upon turning 13 things began to change. I NEVER EVER wanted to put any kind of pressure on her about her weight as I believe doing such can be dangerous so I would gently tell my husband to leave her be and let her find her own way. She did! She became a teenager and decided she wanted to look good - she exercised self-dicipline and restraint like that which I have never seen before. Suddenly before our eyes the transformation into a beautiful little swan. The compliments from everybody were and still are endless and after this everything else seemed to fall into place. She found her place in the school, she found her voice, she realised she had just as much right to be there as any of the other kids - one of the proudest moments of my life - a true cinderella story. Now at 16 years old she has so many friends that I just can't keep up. She is a good, pure person who could teach me so much about love and patience, she attends youth and is christian in every sense of the word (again something I could learn from). She is always there when I need a shoulder to cry on or to lend a hand with Trent who she loves dearly.

All my hopes and dreams for her came true, my heart broke a million times over when she was that chubby little girl that was teased but here I sit today feeling a little ..... sad. She is growing up and she is needing me and my support less and less. She will always be my little girl - my first born but now mommy has to take a back seat and let her spread her wings - choking back the lump in my throat as my heart fills with pride.

I love you so much Kaylah - you will always be my No. 1

xxxxx