As time goes on....

I would like to add Trent's then and now pics as per Marthie's blog.






.... and Now

The photo's below were taken last night when I gave him his very first meal of home-made butternut..... He absolutely loved it!!! I was going to hold off for a while as per the sister's instructions but honestly how much weight can vegetables actually put on?? He is doing everything they need to be doing including watching me eat all the time - there was no pushing out of the tongue when the food went in and somewhere in between it all mommy got a great big smile as if to say "Mommy this is soooo yummy - you're the best"!!

Flu and more

I have been a very bad blogger lately but have had so much on the go. Much as my fingers like to waffle when I begin typing I will keep this short and simple.

Kaylah's 16th party went off very well and was a huge success but for those few kids that have absolutely no manners and chose to drink alcohol. Of course hubby and I are the one's now getting frowned down on by the parents but my take on this is that if you drop your kids off and cannot be bothered to check their pockets for alcohol do not then make your shortcommings as a parent my fault. My daughter behaved in exactly the way I have always taught her to so I honestly feel proud that this is a result of 16 years work I have put in and now I feel I really did do it right after second guessing myself on so many things (10 years of that was as a single parent) so I feel it only fair to give myself a pat on the back and take most of the credit .... :o)

It seems the flu bug has finally reached my little man and he has a cough which I am unhappy about since summer is here and I thought we were one of the lucky few. Kaylah is in bed right now sick with a chest cold and I feel a slight cold coming on too. I am giving him some herbal cough syrup which he DETESTS and illiadin nose drops - for now. I will have to watch him and hope against hope that it stops at a small cold.

I really am looking forward to our little trip to Jhb - to see new and old friends and see my family again - we really need to start travelling more but honestly since we moved to the coast we kind've got lazy to go away because it feels like you have everything here so where to go? I hate Jhb although I miss it a lot - it takes a trip there to make me realise how lucky we were to have made the move to the coast.

Until next time .......

Trent - 3 Months Old Today!!!

Milestones: He has just started giggling now but does it with a very serious face. He is attempting to hold his bottle too but succeeds only in knocking it out his mouth every time with his little fists. He is blowing bubbles and making the cutest noises - he talks to me with a big frown like he is telling me something of the utmost importance. He absolutely loves his bath and kicks like crazy when he's in there.
I can't believe how fast the last 3 months has gone!! Happy 3 months my boy - we love you more than words can say!!

My Precious Children

I have been contemplating this post for awile so people are aware that I do infact have two other children that are loved dearly!!!

I am quite amazed at how different all their personalities are and love them all differently for this very reason.

First there is Kaylah who was the most difficult and sick baby but turned out into a very shy, well-mannered and very well liked teenager. Her 16th birthday is coming up and I really can't get my head around the fact that she is that age. I need to scan some baby pics of her - she was absolutely adorable and still is so I think I'm going to soon start having boy problems. She has never been very academically minded just like I was in school so really has to push herself to get average marks.

Then there is Morgan who keeps this whole family on their toes or rather on their heads. She tears up and down like a tornado from the moment she wakes up until she passes out at night. She is very confident and can also be pretty disrespectful to adults which is a very big problem with me and we are trying our best to rectify it. She loves to sing and dance in front of the mirror with her pretend-microphone and is constantly wanting us to watch her do a play. I think she will excell in school since thusfar she has been one of the top pupils in her class and never disappoints with her report card (I might add that her behaviour at home is not carried over to school - there she is as good as gold which then rules out ADHD). As a baby she was also pretty easy until we started giving in to demands which at the time was easier but the long-term effects such as her sleeping in our bed until she was 5 years old made me quickly realise the errors of our ways. She was born weighing 3.6 kg's but is such a skinny little girl - very tall but at 6 years she is only weighing 20kg's (note that Trent is almost half of that at 3 months!!)

Then of course we have Trent who is such a sensitive little soul lately that if there is a sudden and unexpected loud noise his bottom lip immediately comes out followed by a heart wrenching wail that goes on for a full 5 minutes even with all the comforting in the world. It not funny but we laugh at him nonetheless because it is just soooo incredibly cute. His nighttime routine (knocking on wood here) is soooo much better than Morgan's was and I think it could be due to the fact that I am much more in tune to him than I was with my girls and we work very well as a team. DH does sometimes come into the bathroom and play with him and this last week asked if he could bath him but honestly I think its my fault that I do all the work because I am a perfectionist with his routine. (perhaps I was too hard on him (DH) in my last post but honestly we all know the domino effects of financial strain and I have to just understand that he is running his own business and worring about supporting our large family - nuf said). Trent seems to be reaching certain milestones a little slower than Morgan did to so I have a feeling I am going to have a chilled happy little boy one day that does things at his own pace (nothing wrong!).

They are all so unique and I feel that this is so important because you are always surprised by things they do or the way they do them. My heart is so full of love for my 3 beautiful children even if they drive me half insane a lot of the time.

Men!!

Is this the right place to be airing my dirty laundry? I'm really not sure but hey is this not the reason I started this blog? My online diary? A day in my life? Perhaps this post is the next best thing to writing it down on paper then burning it - therapeutic.

What is it with men and sex? Yes I know I haven't exactly been giving it up like a good wife should since I fell pregnant. First there was the complete exhaustion and then in the last trimester I just felt so fat and ugly and he did absolutely nothing to make me feel any different. In fact if I recall during a fight at that time I was told I was fat! Fat? No honey - just pregnant and terribly hurt thank you. Perhaps I am not fully over the fact that he made my pregnancy so miserable and I am holding on to it instead of just letting it go. Even the birth is something that still sits badly with me - I just feel it was not as special to him as the birth of his daughter. On day two in the hospital he invites friends to come and see me without asking me first. As anybody who has had a c/s knows, day 2 is the worst possible day for visitors! This starts an argument and I was utterly astounded at how selfish he was being telling me that I am such a difficult person and thats why my family didn't bother to come for the birth!! What the fuck is with that after I just gave him a beautiful son?????

I just feel like my life is spinning out of control and my only hope of happiness is packing my kids up and leaving him. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is a constant battle between us. Is he jealous of Trent? I'm pretty damn sure he is. He NEVER baths him, NEVER changes a nappy unless asked, NEVER helps me get nighttime bottles ready, knows NOTHING about his routine and automatically asks for the bottle when Trent cries when all he needs is the dummy, a hug and a sleep. I've given up asking for anything from him but the other night I was exhausted because we had gone out to friends the night before and had drinks but he gets his afternoon sleep while I look after Trent and then at 8pm when I just wanted to drop into bed I suddenly remembered bottles had not been prepared and told him. He continues lying next to me, refreshed from his afternoon sleep, watching TV. I had had enough!! After getting the bottles ready I got back into bed and told him that I really feel he is an absent father with Trent and if I had wanted to be a single mother I would have. I always get the same bullshit over and over again about how hard he works - according to him he is the hardest working man he knows. He owns a service centre and gets in early and is home by 6:30pm. Every night he walks in, gives a big sigh and then the pity party begins - Oh what a tough day I've had, me me me me me!!!! No FUCK YOU what about my day?????? How the FUCK do you think your son is growing so nicely? Then the cherry on top .... yes wait for it "You are the mother and it is YOUR JOB to do everything for the children, I am the breadwinner and while I earn the money YOU RESPECT ME!!" Since I have never been one to bite my tongue I was furious to say the least! I asked him what the point was of him working so "hard" if he has no time to appreciate his family. I also told him that I believe he is resentful that he even has a family because without having to support it he would not have to work as hard. I told him he is resentful of Trent because I give that little baby my all!!! I reminded him that he is an adult man capable of looking after himself (after I was told that HE should be my priority) I told him I was very sorry to burst his bubble but that Trent was my priority and NOT him as Trent is completely dependant on me. If Trent happens to be awake when DH wants sex it becomes MY FAULT! I am supposed to just leave him to cry so I can satisfy this mans needs. This he knows full well I refuse flatly to do.
I get told I am lazy and do nothing all day long even though I am on PAID maternity leave - apparently this is a cardinal sin. Even better - about a month ago he blew up because supper was not ready and waiting for his royal arrival. Yes fellow bloggers, I had a c/s and was breastfeeding and as we all know that first month the feedings are very erratic and you cannot simply put the baby down and expect them to understand that because their daddy is walking his important, hard-worked fucking ass through that front door in the next half an hour, mommy simply cannot feed you because daddy's stomach and paralysed fingers are far too important for me to worry about a small thing such as your hunger!!!!
Yes I thought things were going better and honestly I don't want him looking after Trent anyway because he is completely clueless about Trent's routine!! When we arrive somewhere guess who carries Trent in? Yes not me - daddy dearest!! Look at me everybody, I am a doting father, look how big my boy is getting. True story! 5 minutes later after everybody is finished cooing over Trent guess what? He hands him back to me.

Am I over this man? Is this why I withold sex? Or could it be that this is the only aspect of my life I feel I have control over? I am slipping into depression and feel that a marriage councellor may even be too late for us.

Yes tomorrow may very well bring a better day but for now I am so over this shit they call marriage - a true partnership it definately isn't!!!

Quick Update

I eventually decided to make the big move back into my bedroom after sleeping on the bed in Trent's room and getting little to no sleep after his midnight feed due to constant grunting coming from the cot. So far it has worked like a charm! Sunday night he slept from 8pm until 3am - had a feed then slept again until about 7am!! Wow I really had a good night's sleep. Last night he woke at 12:30am and had half a bottle then straight back to sleep and woke again at 3am where I tried the bottle which he didn't want so after putting the dummy back in his mouth I went back to bed. I could hear the grunting through the monitor but I turned the volume down a little and soon he fell asleep. It seems he also needed me out of the room as I posibly make noises in my sleep too which keep him awake. This is the most awake I have felt in a long time and I realy hope it lasts.
Oli, myself and the kids were out a lot this weekend with friends having drinks and a lot of laughs but I now realise why I don't do the drinking on Sunday's anymore - it makes "Blue Monday" seem like the understatement of the year. So I pretty much kept a low profile yesterday and just veged all day in front of the tube - was in bed by 8pm.
I love where Trent is now in his development because the whole family fights eachother to greet him in the morning due to his incredibly good mood and beautiful smiles .... he seems just as excited as us to interact after a long night in the cot.

I want to send all my love and best wishes to two beautiful friends who just got their BFP's after a long and rocky road. Eve and Dooi I am brimming with pride for you two and cannot wait to share in the 8 months you have ahead of you and the joy when you finally hold your long awaited bundles in your arms. I couldn't have wished this on two more lovely and deserving friends. Mandy-Leigh my thoughts and prayers are with you that this cycle still turns around for you .... you are constantly in my thoughts!!

Another day in the life ....

Trent has started settling into a nice routine now (knock on wood!) and last night was his first night in the big cot in his room. He loved it!! He really slept well even though he slept the day away yesterday. A week ago I finally decided to stop expressing breast milk and only formula feed and it was a very sad day for me. I still experience the urge to run to the the dr for pills to get the milk going again just because I feel like I am saying goodbye to a part of Trent and my early days and admitting to myself that he is no longer a newborn. I took him to the clinic the other day and he only picked up 20grams this week which we are not at all worried about - the sister and I think he is probably going to slow down a lot with the weight gain due to the huge gains thusfar.
I am loving talking to him now as he talks back and has recently just discovered his tongue so he is always sticking it out at me or playing with it in his mouth.
The girls are still loving him sooo much and simply can't get enough of him - I really thought the novelty would have worn off by now - you know how kids are ... more important things to do - but no I think adding a boy to the mix was the perfect recipe.

Oli and I have been getting along a lot better too and seem to have sorted our differences out. He has also told me he wants to take the family on a nice vacation before my maternity leave is finished and asked me where I would like to go. Any input would be great because I am looking for a place where there is lots for the kids to do while Oli and I find eachother again and just relax after a really shit financial year.
He is also bonding so well with Trent but I must admit he feels a little sorry for himself because lately Trent ignores him. When he plays with him or tries to smile at him Trent will turn his head or his eyes the other way. I have discovered the reason for this is because Oli tries to interract with him at about 6am before he goes to work and Trent is just getting ready to have his next sleep so really has little to no interest in any of us. Then at night when Oli gets home Trent is having his post-bath deep sleep so we just can't win.

I am starting to make my plans to go up to Jhb end of October and meet all the OPM ladies. Add to that its my birthday on 2 November and my brother-in-laws birthday on the same day so we will probably stay with my sister and have a big celebration. Oli's mom lives in Jhb too so she is really looking forward to seeing us and the kids. Then a bonus is that my mom is going to be in Jhb on the same weekend as my dad needs to go and see the heart specialist for a follow-up. I am so excited for us to all be getting together again!!!

I started weight watchers and it has admittedly been slow to start since while my mom was here I pretty much ate anything I could get my hands on. Yesterday I went for my weigh-in and in two weeks (since I didn't go weigh in last week) I had only picked up 200 grams - nothing wrong with that!! As of yesterday I have been very good and Im really hoping for a loss of about 1.5 or 2kg's this week which is normal for me on the first week of a diet - thereafter it slows.

I think I've about covered all my news now and as usual I leave with some cute photo's:

Mom and Dad the other day on the beach ... I miss them so much


I love bath time ... and recently discovered I have a tongue




Oh this is a little bit of heaven on Anna's back


I have started doing a wall of fame for my brood - as soon as Trent is sitting I am taking all three for updated pics - the skinny smiley baby with the feathers is Morgan..