Life in Suburbia

HELLO WORLD!!

2010-06-25T00:51:00.000-07:00

Hello to all my lovely blog readers out there. For those that are reading from over the pond - I have not dropped off the face of the earth.

I am still a mother to three beautiful children and Trent is now just over a week away from turning a whole year old.

I am not a bad blogger as I have a valid reason for my sudden silence. You see the thing is that this blog started off more as an online journal for myself and my own personal thoughts but as time went on I realised I was writing less and less about things that were close to my heart and more about what I thought my readers wanted to hear. I have in the not-to-distant past been dealing with a lot of shit on a very personal level and when I no longer felt it safe to come to my blog and let it all out I asked myself why I was actually keeping a blog in the first place? I need to write down my emotions in order to achieve a sense of peace so I have decided to rather go back to the old fashioned way of using a dusty old book with a handy little lock.

This is not all bad though since what I have done in the meantime is started up a picture blog which I'm loving every minute of. Please feel free to pop on over to www.irenebroome.blogspot.com
The blog above is for full public viewing but I will soon be going private to avoid any kind of abuse of pictures of my children so please please send me your email addresses so I can add you as readers if you would like to continue following me and my little family in photo's.

Lots of love always

xxxxxxxx

Video of Trent Walking

2010-04-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

So earlier this evening we were down in the garage and my little man Trent decided to take his very first steps for all of us .... his best walk was after I put the camera away where he walked across the whole room - I am so surprised as yesterday I thought he took a step but didn't tell a soul as I was worried I had imagined it. Age right now is 9months, 2 weeks and 6 days :))) We love you soooo much my gorgeous boy.

Finally - an update!!

2010-04-07T00:37:00.000-07:00

Yes I am alive I'm sure of it. I have left this update so long I just don't know where to start so I'll keep it short and sweet and update on Mr. T's milestones.

We had NO teeth at the end of January and by the first week in March we had 8 so yes it was fun and games for a month with very swolen gums and a miserable little boy who refused to sleep. Once again the whole of March my happy little boy came back but now over the last week he seems incredibly fussy again. Let me not talk about the tempter tantrums that started about a week ago. It seems he has learnt to scream, stiff body, shaking his arms and hands in fists when he is a. tired b. pissed off in general or c. has something off limits taken away from him..! In the Spar the other day we had our first public tantrum as I took an item away that I had put in the basket and he screamed so loud and cried so hard the tears made puddles on either side of the trolley (get it? picture animated tears here) .... the owner (who I chat to all the time) came running as she obviously thought he had fallen from the basket. Embarrassing? Just a little.

He is standing now and often gets annoyed if you try hold on to him - he just wants to do it alone and it scares me as the bumps and bruises are starting now. Oh well its bound to happen - I'll just be there and ready with the hugs and kisses after the fact. Trent turned 9 months yesterday and I'm actually a little sad that his time as a baby is fast approaching its end but then I remind myself how many giggles and joy Morgan brought us in her toddler years as she was learning and saying the funniest things.

We are now due for our Measels vaccs but I'm going to wait it out for a few days as his moods are telling me there may be another tooth lurking in the shadows... We have just started grinding our teeth as well and its the most awful sound on earth .... Hoping the tantrums and the grinding are all a passing phase as I'm starting to think I have another little tiger on my hands :)

A day in the life ....

2010-02-25T00:18:00.000-08:00

I really haven't been in the mood to blog so instead will update with pictures I took yesterday. I am by no means professional but certainly got some sort of warped pleasure lying in ant infested grass and itching all night just to get the perfect shot ..... so here they are..

You may be wondering why the orange? It was the closest thing I could find and I was testing focus points... (that and the fact that Morgan loves modelling)

Look at this determined little monkey???

Once again I was just trying out different effects with the camera.

Speak to the hand ma ....

mY LiTtLe CiRcUs

2010-02-09T23:21:00.000-08:00

My maid is still out of action after her hysterectomy and managed to get a post-surgical incision hematoma so there is a part of her incision site that is continually bleeding. After doing some reading on this it seems the sister did the right thing in putting her on antibiotics and sending her to bed with strict instructions to only move when going to the toilet. It seems that for the most part these things get reabsorbed by the body eventually so here's hoping - I have so much on my plate right now and can't be driving back and forward to the hospital every 5 minutes.
On top of worrying about her, helping her daughter clean the house (due to her also having to look after her baby who still cries a lot), and having my own sick little baby this week so getting very little sleep - i am honestly drained. Oli hasn't been around much at all lately as he has been on business travels so I'm pretty much doing it all.
My daughters DO NOT STOP FIGHTING - they are constantly at eachothers throats and every 5 minutes one or the other comes running to me complaining.

I wake in the morning, get everyone up, give T a bottle, snuggle, nappy change, make sure Morgan has lunch and try to remember that on certain days she has ballet, swimming or sport, remember cookie day on Thursdays and tuck money on Fridays, do the pony tail just so - no lumps and it has to be a high pony - all this while T is on the bed with me barricaded with pillows but due to his newfound mobility - my one hand is always on the ready. Put T in his cot with lots of toys so I can have a quick bath, do make-up, hair, get dressed. Kaylah helps where she can with the morning routine but spends a large part of it on her hair.
I get home from work at 2:30pm after fetching Kaylah from school, kick off my shoes, put on shorts, wash my hands and take Trent for the afternoon, play with him etc etc., do homework with Morgan, sort out fights, cook T's dinner (he's having a lot of purity these days for obvious reasons), sort out more fights, bath T and then have to ask Kaylah to give him his last bottle while I quickly try throw something together for dinner which needs to be ready by 7pm so Morgan can bath, wash her hair and be in bed by 8pm (we read a bedtime story but only 4 pages a night (only after yet another fight between the girls)). T has by this time been sleeping for about an hour - I shower, climb into bed, turn on the TV and T wakes up. We spend another hour or two up and down until he finally settles.

Somewhere in my day I have to find time to make sure the cupboards are always full of groceries, that there is always bread for school and milk for breakfast. Last week Kaylah went to the dentist and I was told she needs to go 1.5 hours away to get her wisdom teeth cut out. This week she is going back to said dentist for two fillings. Today I have to leave work early to take T to the paed and tomorrow I have an appointment with the chiro. SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE ME MORE HOURS IN A DAY!!!!

How is it that women manage to do so much and still cope (I didn't say cope well - I said cope) yet men get up, have a shit, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, have a shit, read the Autotrader, sit down for dinner, have a shit, go to bed and with a big sigh, a fart and a moan about how busy they were - then roll over and fall asleep with thunderous snores?

Yesterday I was running on less than empty ... I only managed to go to sleep the night before at around 12 midnight due to all sorts of disturbances and at 1am Trent woke up and the crying began, he was inconsolable until eventually at 2:30am I gave him medicine, teething powder and rocked him until he fell asleep. Not good for my back of course so after climbing into bed myself I had sharp pains shooting down my leg and took some miprodol. Yet although I wanted to crawl up and die at work yesterday - when i got home, I briefly stood on the front patio, took a deep breath, pushed my overwhelming need to sleep to the back of my mind and walked in, washed hands and took Trent whose temperature once again was right up. The cycle continued.... Thank goodness last night he was asleep by 7pm and didn't wake again until 5:30am so I'm back on track..... for now (I need to mention that his second tooth popped out on Saturday)

Now for those who are dying to remind me of how blessed I am to have a house full of kids I have to stress that rather than complaining I am giving my self a much-deserved pat on the back. I type this with a smile on my face and can honestly see the humour in it now that I have caught up on much needed sleep. You see there are times when I just want to be alone with no kids, husbands or demands but the minute the house is quiet I feel the most overwhelming sense of loneliness and my mind begins wondering to places it really shouldn't ... the what if's....... ? What if I didn't have all this? What if it was all taken away from me? I end up doing nothing but pacing until they return and once again my house is filled with the sounds of laughter, fighting, crying .... life. I wouldn't want it any other way and God has blessed me abundantly with a house full of chaos because he believes in me and therefore I believe in myself.

This and That

2010-02-04T02:03:00.000-08:00

An update on Trent is that on Sunday 30th January he woke up to a brand new tooth. One that silently popped out during the night without so much as a peep out of him. The second one is right there - I can see the white through the gum so its a matter of days before that one comes out. I must mention that this coincides with Morgan's teeth starting to loosen which is kinda cute. The more he gets the less she gets lol.

As per his last clinic visit

Weight: 9.7kg
H/C: 45cm
Height: 70cm

I remember early days when his size was actually off the chart and he was above the 98th percentile - now he has come down to around the 95th. He has not grown taller in the last 3 visits even though his other measurements have increased. Sister says I'll probably see a big difference in height in the next month.

On the diet front things are still going very well - I hit a plateau for a good 2.5 weeks and the scale became my enemy but I pushed through in the hope that I would get over it and this week I was rewarded with another 1.2kg loss - a total of 6.4kg's down since beginning of January. I am feeling good about it and even though I know I still have a long way to go I'm trying to set mini-goals for myself and not look at the bigger picture.
I have been having a lot of back troubles on and off since I had T and like all mom's I put myself last so only now 7 months later decided to visit the chiropracter - won't go into detail but there is a lot of locking up going on in my spine thats cause pain in my right hip, kidney, ovary and upper leg. Saturday I'm back again and although I love how he clicks my back out I'm not really looking forward to the pain after the treatment. Kaylah was an absolute STAR last night as she could see I was in pain and not only bathed, changed, and fed Trent but rocked him to sleep as well. But that's not all - she wouldn't let me make supper (okay granted we just had a potato with cheese on as none of us were really hungry) but she made it for me and brought it to the room. I gave her a bit of money this morning to go buy a nice outfit for a dance she's going to on Friday - she really deserves it.

I'm still enjoying my camera and drinking in every possible article I can get my hands on. I have just ordered Photoshop CS4 and today ordered the How to book that goes with it so looking forward to spending a lot of time in front of the computer.
I want to post a picture or two that I took but please please seasoned photographers and others - be gentle! I know my focus points were not spot on amongst other things but I will get there eventually :o))

The minute the rain stopped I grabbed up my camera for close-ups of the still-wet flowers in the garden which I thought were absolutely beautiful - since I have not yet received my software they haven't been enhanced at all..

Just a leaf but imagine the possibilites if I had a macro lens on those raindrops. Next on my list to buy but oh so expensive.... :(

Hydrangia flowers

From our Frangipani Tree

Now if I had edited this one on the computer I would have definately removed or disguised the dying flower in the background.

Public Property?

2010-02-03T03:31:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to mention that since I loaded that "MapLoco" onto my blog I have discovered that I get readers from all over the world. Belgium, Poland, USA, Ireland and the other day even had someone comment in Japanese or Chinese (forgive me but I don't know the difference)....

Now my point is this ..... I am somewhat freaked out. I know its a public blog for all to see and I sit now questioning my wisdom in putting my beloved children on display. So please ... to all those readers from far and wide drop a comment every now and again so I am safe in the knowledge that your intentions are pure - or I may be forced to go private for the safety of my family.

Weekend Fun

2010-01-24T23:28:00.000-08:00

Once again we had a nice family weekend starting with Friday night. We went out with some friends for dinner but left T at home with the maid as I don't often like messing with his routine. We were home by 10:30pm so not a late night at all.

Saturday morning I suggested to Oli we go to the Pavilion for a change and do some shopping. Its a good 1.5 hours drive but was well worth it. The kids got spoilt as Christmas was pretty tight not to mention that since we spent it in Jhb and had no space in the car we couldn't get all the presents we wanted to so on Saturday T finally got his Ride-on-Walker which he loves - its the one that converts into a little bike for when they get older.

I also bought him a long-overdue radio/cd player for his room and a couple of CD's including the Sleep Sense Lala cd as the radio we would have used has taken up permanent residence in Oli's workshop. Morgan got a whole set of "My Little Ponies" and a nice big lilo and Kaylah of course got money as she desperately wanted the "New Moon" DVD which sadly was not out in any of the shops we went to. If she's anything like me when she wants something she HATES waiting.
Oli bought himself some nice clothes which was long overdue so I'm glad he finally spoilt himself for a change.
We also got a nice pair of running shoes for me as I had none and constantly used this as an excuse to not go for the 5pm run with Oli and the kids. Another problem was the pram we have for T which got terrible speed wobbles on the one time Oli took him with. Sooo we decided to get a not-too-expensive jogger pram for him and now no more excuses for me [watch this space]....
We feasted on a wonderful lunch of beef carpacio starter with capers, parmesan and rocket drenched in lemon juice, olive oil and balsamic and ordered one really delicious pizza to share between us for our main course. The reason I make reference to the wonderful lunch is due to the really crappy restaurants we have at home so when we do find a good restaurant with good service we are like kids in a candy store.
Saturday afternoon / night we were absolutely exhausted so all dropped into bed very early and woke up to a sweltering hot day on Sunday. Honestly the kind of heat that takes your breath away. I waited until at least 3:30pm before taking T to swim due to the scorching sun - so T, Morgan and myself swam in a pool that was 31 degrees and felt like tepid bath water. The minute you get out you're hot again - I started feeling like I was on Lake Kareba in December (take it from me you DO NOT want to be that close to the equator in December).

Last night we had rolled pork, roast potatoes and veg but honestly I just couldn't eat because of the heat so we should have probably stuck to salad's a cold meat.

Trent is growing so well and has gone from a baby who hardly smiled to one that smiles all the time - his whole face lights up when he smiles and its just so contageous. He has been rocking on his hands and knees for a while now and has figured out that if he rocks to gain momentum then throws himself forward on his tummy and repeats he gets to where he wants to be so being on my bed is no longer an option unless under very close supervision. He has also got pretty bored being on his knees and now pushes up onto his feet so his bum is right up in the air.
As far as kisses and hugs go he is starting to not like them too much - possibly because he gets them from 5 different people in the house constantly so one can hardly blame him. Food wise his appetite is very good lately whereas a couple of weeks ago he never finished his food and more often than not spat it out.

Morgan has a little PeeWee motorbike and Oli taught her to ride yesterday - once she had the basics he took her to a field nearby and off she went. He phoned me and I jumped in the car armed with my NEW camera to watch this very proud moment. We will be buying all the safety gear before I allow her back on the bike however.

As for me I have been trying, throughout all the chaos at home, to read a book I bought on Saturday "Digital Photography Handbook" as an aide to help me better understand my new camera which I am absolutely over the moon about. A late Christmas present from DH.

I have a lot of saving to do for all the extra's I would like to get incl. photoshop, tripod, micro lenses, zoom lenses, external flash and so it goes on .... not a cheap hobby at all but hopefully sometime in the future it will start paying back.

On that note I'm off to read my book and gain more valuable tips in the peaceful surroundings of my office.

Pictures and Diets

2010-01-18T00:42:00.000-08:00

Oli and I started off this year with a bang on the diet front and I must say that so far I am very proud of him. He seems very determined to follow a healthy diet and hasn't been to the local pub for the last two weekends - choosing rather to detox and take beach walks. It really makes it so much easier for me when I have someone doing it with me as our meals get simpler and he no longer brings unhealthy food like chocolates into the house.

So far he has lost 4kg's since we started on 4 Jan and I have lost 5.2kg's. I am feeling so strong and positive and I really hope to see this through to the end as I still have quite a journey ahead of me until I reach goal weight. Oli only needs to lose about 10kg's and I want to lose another 18 to get to where I am comfortable. I was very tempted yesterday to try my pre-pregnancy black work pants on but decided I would wait another week as I would probably just disappoint myself if they didn't yet fit - so for now its maternity pants but hopefully in the near future I will watch them burn to dust and never think of them again.

Other than that I have not loaded pics in quite a while so for now a few .....

Morgan and Grandpa New Years Eve

Surfer Dude

I want your drink daddy

This is the life

My very first day of school (Gr 1)

Letting Go...

2010-01-10T21:53:00.000-08:00

So this weekend Kaylah's friend who moved to Durban came by bus to spend some time with her and so far they have had a wonderful time catching up with eachother.
Yesterday we were all lazing around the pool and the two girls were on their cell phones frantically trying to make plans with other friends in town who also wanted to see Felicia before she goes back to Durban. Kaylah then asked if they could go to movies last night if they got a lift from one of her friends parents and I said it was fine. A few minutes later she told me another friend Monique's father was on his way to collect them to take them to the beach, thereafter we must fetch them and they would probably be going out to movies last night with yet another friend. I suddenly realised after she had left for the beach that she had become independant of me. A little later we went to collect them and myself Oli, Morgan and Trent decided to indulge in a waffle where we were to meet them. They came to the table along with Monique but immediately decided to take a walk down to the beach and on their return sat at a seperate table clucking like little chickens about the goings on in all their teenage friends lives. After saying goodbye to Monique we all herded into the car and I heard my daughter saying to her friend "Shame that is sooo terrible" so I asked her what she was talking about. Her answer? "Sorry mom its a personal issue about another girl in the school". I smiled sadly to myself as in one breath I am so proud of her and the many friendships she has forged and yet in another breath I suddenly felt that she no longer needs me as she used to.

I have always been incredibly protective of this child firstly because she is not Oli's daughter and secondly because she just never knew how to take any of life's knocks. I fought her battles for her fiercley and would literally turn anyone to dust who dared upset her. She was and still is a very sentisitve little soul and I remember as a baby and toddler she was a constant attachment to one of my legs when we were in the company of other people even when invited to kiddies parties she just would never partake in the festivities, rather choosing to hide by mommy.

As she grew and started school she was still a terribly uncertain little child and I spent many a day blaming myself because I believed it was due to her not having a father figure in her life. I constantly worried about her as she found it difficult to make friends and was often teased due to being overweight by little brats who had no idea that if the time was taken, they would discover in her a beautiful little gem that would be nothing but enriching to their lives.

Years later upon turning 13 things began to change. I NEVER EVER wanted to put any kind of pressure on her about her weight as I believe doing such can be dangerous so I would gently tell my husband to leave her be and let her find her own way. She did! She became a teenager and decided she wanted to look good - she exercised self-dicipline and restraint like that which I have never seen before. Suddenly before our eyes the transformation into a beautiful little swan. The compliments from everybody were and still are endless and after this everything else seemed to fall into place. She found her place in the school, she found her voice, she realised she had just as much right to be there as any of the other kids - one of the proudest moments of my life - a true cinderella story. Now at 16 years old she has so many friends that I just can't keep up. She is a good, pure person who could teach me so much about love and patience, she attends youth and is christian in every sense of the word (again something I could learn from). She is always there when I need a shoulder to cry on or to lend a hand with Trent who she loves dearly.

All my hopes and dreams for her came true, my heart broke a million times over when she was that chubby little girl that was teased but here I sit today feeling a little ..... sad. She is growing up and she is needing me and my support less and less. She will always be my little girl - my first born but now mommy has to take a back seat and let her spread her wings - choking back the lump in my throat as my heart fills with pride.

I love you so much Kaylah - you will always be my No. 1

xxxxx

Another Year rolls around

2010-01-04T01:26:00.000-08:00

I just can't get my head around how quickly the years are going by lately I mean heck I can still remember playing in the yard as a child as if it were yesterday. In fact I remember being a child for a pretty darn long time yet my adult years have flown by so fast I have so many missing gaps. I can only assume it has to do with the fact that everything is so incredibly fast paced these days - there are cell phones, home PC's, internet, email, palm pilots, blackberry's, video conferencing etc etc.
What did they do all those years ago when someone left the office at 4:30 - 5pm to go home? No cell phones, no email no nothing so you went home, relaxed and spent good quality time with the family with absolutely no interruptions. The whole world turned slower because we had the time to stop and smell the roses and I honestly miss my childhood more than you'll know. If I could do this whole thing over I would have had my children 30 years ago so they too could play in the parks, ride bikes or rollerskate on the streets until dark, invent games outdoors as there would be no TV - but their childhood will flash by them at the blink of an eye as we all try desperately hard to stay on this fast spinning merry-go-round. *sigh* Can somebody please show me where the pause button is - if only for a day or even an hour?

Christmas too went by in a flash but fun was had by all. It was great spending it in Jhb with my family for a change and I must say we really had a good time. I seem to be still recovering from the whole Christmas and New Year thing because I am constantly tired and just can't seem to get enough sleep. I probably need a booster shot or something. As for New Years Resolutions I won't be making any even though I intend to start and stick to a diet - it will not be a resolution but a goal that I will try my absolute best to follow to on a day to day basis. I also intend to stop smoking - yes I hate it - I hate how it turns me into a needy addict whenever I think I have run out but again this is nobody's business but my own - I don't need the added pressure thank you very much. I also want to start appreciating and pampering the woman inside me as somewhere along the way she got left behind and mom and wife took charge - she is my essence and was a long long time before the other two roles came in to play.

On that note this mommy has another stressful week ahead organising back-to-school goodies for the kids - once again the woman inside must wait...

2009-12-15T03:52:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Disappointed

2009-12-15T00:06:00.000-08:00

Well today was supposed to be the day that Oli was paid out for his business and the new owner takes over but yesterday the agent called him to say it was not to be. The money was in her trust account ready to paid over to us and the lawyers were ready to hand over the letter for her to release the funds then the senior attorney decided that they were not going to take the risk until it had gone through the deeds office!!! This could take anything from 2 weeks to 3 months!!!

We were all completely gutted after receiving this news as Oli and I were so looking forward to a stress free Christmas yet now he has to continue running the business and looking to December as the most stressful month as it is his busiest of all. Coupled with the fact that we now have to juggle money to make Christmas special for the kids and still have a decent holiday. I am so fed up with these damned curve balls and I really am sick and tired of dusting myself off and carrying on but what else can we do. :(
Although I was feeling at my lowest yesterday I told DH that we have to be positive and just keep going and reminded him that at least the deal is not off just postponed.
He told me that yesterday the attorneys FINALLY agreed to give us a bank guarantee as he was starting to worry that the guy may just change his mind. This is at least something!! The money will be paid into the bank's account and they will provide us with a proper bank guarantee which we are all much happier with.

My mother's birthday is on 29 December and the plan was to stay in Jhb and only leave on 30 December but now with this comes the issue of DH staying away from his business for any length of time. His father will still be there but this man cannot even crack an egg without the support of Oli ..aaarggghh.. so I expect his phone to ring 100 times a day thus putting a huge damper on the holiday.

There is nothing more to do here except remain positive and try to make the best of a bad situation.

P.S (On the bright side we will not have the temptation to splash out unnecessarily during the festive season) ....

Food Glorious Food

2009-12-06T22:10:00.000-08:00

I have to be honest here and just spit it out:
"I am so so terribly disappointed in myself!" There I've said it yet strangely the words seem empty - the revelation has not miraculously cured me. I am one of those people who loves their food - give me anything -and I mean anything except Anchovies and you can bet that my plate will be cleaned. Its 5 months now since I had Trent and yet I still cannot seem to get myself motivated to get on the weight-loss wagon. Could it be this time of year? All I know is that I have a heavy burden on my shoulders - food for me does not come guilt-free. Every morning I wake up and there it is - this fog hanging over me, this realizatin that I will not be walking to the wardrobe and pulling out any pants with zips and buttons but will once again be reaching for my black maternity pants with the stretch waist.

I sit at the table with a plate of food in front of me not hungry enough to clean the plate but cleaning it nonetheless thereby feeding the monster inside me. My love / hate relationship with food is spinning out of control as I force feed myself chocolates, food, desserts and then more chocolates. 80% of the time it is not hunger that drives me to eat, it is a need to punish myself for looking the way I do. I.NEED.HELP and I mean very very soon.

I am told that how I perceive myself to be is completely distorted to how other people see me and have to admit that in the past I have had border-line annorexia (and bulimia) not once but twice due to this warped perception. Something inside me, possibly from a very young age, has left me a non-believer in myself. I don't feel like a good person sometimes, I am highly sensitive to what people think of me, I feel so lonely in this head of mine even when surrounded by all the love in the world.

But I will get to a place even if I have to remind myself in the mirror every single morning that I have a world of love to give. I will love myself, I will accept myself and then and only then will I be able to move forward with a healthy diet without sabotaging my attempts.

Bugs, Ballet and New Beginnings ...

2009-11-30T00:12:00.000-08:00

I came back to work two weeks ago and almost immediately started coming down with flu which is clear indication of how filthy the aircon is in these large buildings. I am still trying to fight it off and have not been hit this hard since well before I fell pregnant. So far we are lucky and although Trent has a slight cough there are no other indications that I have passed it on. Morgan on the other hand seems to have caught my nasty bug so here's hoping it stops at her once I dose her up with all the good stuff.

Saturday night we went to Morgan's ballet concert where she was a little angel with wings floating across the stage. I was so darn proud of her as this is the first time she looked completely confident and in control. I mentioned this to her after the concert and she said "Mommy I remembered what you told me ... that all the parents are only there to watch their children so I pictured only 5 people watching me" bless her little cotton socks!!!

Kaylah is now on school holidays so fun and games for me. Her friend is arriving today and staying the whole week. I can already see a lot of favours being asked of me. Mom can we go to movies? or Mom can you take us to the beach? Eish - not sure my head can handle all that just yet! Morgan starts holidays on Friday so even more fun and games with three kids lazing around all day making a mess in the house. Did I mention that Kaylah and Morgan fight 24/7?? Boy do I love the December holidays!! [read: I wish I could pack my bag and run away]

As for little Mr Trent something has happened suddenly in the last week and along with the sitting he has taken to really enjoying rolling from back to tummy. Tummy to back he did a few weeks ago but seems to have forgotten he can do it. After putting him to bed last night I heard a muffled moaning so went in to check. He had turned over on his tummy with the blanket on his head and his leg caught outside the rails of the cot. I couldn't help but laugh (a nervous laugh of course) since the days of him staying put are fast ending. This weekend he was chewing everything in sight - most fancied my fingers and really munched down hard on them. He is drooling all over the place and spitting up cottage cheese on a regular basis now. I am assuming it is because of the increased saliva which is making him feel a little sick. I really was hoping I would escape the teething woes for at least another month but looks like we are suddenly on a train full steam ahead with everything. Man he is just growing up too fast .... I have a nice little bath chair that we will soon start using as the baby chair he was in is no good anymore. He kicks so hard that his leg flips over the centre piece and they both end up on one side causing him to slide right down into the water!! Don't even let me start on when I am eating or drinking something..... if I am not holding him tight enough he will wiggle right out of my arms in his attempts to grap whatever goes into my mouth... what a little tiger!!! xxx

November Madness!!

2009-11-24T00:29:00.000-08:00

Its that time of year again where tempers are high and the Christmas spirit is all around us - all our department stores cramming their isles with more goodies than they can fit including last years Christmas stock, baking utensils and far too many toys, making it virtually impossible to manuvoer a trolley let alone a pram through its maize. I look to Christmas shopping with pure dread since I realise that if not done before 1 December it will become virtually impossible to do it at all. The reason being that we live in a very popular (and might I add small) coastal town and come the last school bell of the year thousands upon thousands of holiday makers decend upon us with caravans, campers, bikes, tents and beachballs ... excitedly anticipating their first glimpse of the warm indian ocean. I might add too that the road rage practiced in our lovely GP is carried over to this quaint little town I call home and we find ourselves more often than not, on the receiving end of cusses, middle fingers and speeding angry drivers determined to wipe out anything or anyone in their path as they race against time to the beach or the malls before the other racing angry GP drivers get there first. After living here for 3 years I can honestly say that I am disgusted that I too was one of them and I too had no regard for the local people, their generosity, their kindness and the fact that unlike the GP's they have to work throughout Christmas and New Year. Yes the GP's would say "but we bring in the MONEY so quit complaining" ... a little common curtesy and respect for these quiet coastal people and their beautiful wildlife goes a long way people.

Which brings me onto my next point - I will be spending the week of Christmas in Jhb with my family and I couldn't be happier. Traffic going out that way will be QUIET! Jhb itself will be QUIET! Well quieter than this place that is. My dilemma still remains that I need to get my Christmas shopping out of the way and quickly so DH hurry up and bring on the money!!!

Trent reached a very big milestone yesterday and I have to say he hit me with a curve ball because I didn't see this one coming. He SAT all by himself and for at least 10 minutes before he started crying - problem was he had no idea how to get out of that sitting position so cried for mommy to rescue him....
The drooling, spit up and biting is now full steam ahead which leaves me looking like something the cat dragged in. Here's hoping those teeth come soon but if he is anything like my other two Im looking at around 7 - 8 months.

Soaring Spirit

2009-11-17T22:57:00.000-08:00

Hello to all my valued readers I am back - life as I knew it is no more, I am now back at work and things are normal - whatever normal is?? I feel I have come full circle although in saying that, I have come back to this place with a brand new blessing who I am completely and utterly crazy about.
I feel my little man has breathed new life into me and as we go along as he is learning so too am I. I am re-learning the art of patience, devotion, unconditional love and most importantly I am learning to love myself again through it all. Somewhere along the way I lost my sense of self-worth - I felt like a robot that put everybody else's wants and needs ahead of mine. Yes as the mother I am the "heart" of the family and I certainly believe that without me it would all unravel but gratitude, appreciation and love returned in the smallest doses has not been forthcoming.

Yes I do everything for my little man so again I am giving but I am receiving the greatest gift of all in return ... his unconditional and fresh love that only a baby can give, that lights up his face when I am around. Discovering all the beautiful things in the world right along with him as if I too am seeing them for the first time .... I feel lifted, free - I can move mountains...

A little poem:

Mother's Prayer

Dear Lord, it's such a hectic day,
With little time to stop and pray,
For life's been anything but calm,
Since you called on me to be a mom.

Running errands, matching socks,
Building dreams with building blocks.
Cooking, cleaning, and finding shoes,
And other stuff that children lose.

Fitting lids on bottled bugs,
Wiping tears and giving hugs.
A stack of last week's mail to read,
So where's the quiet time I need?

Yet when I steal a minute Lord,
Just at the sink or ironing board,
To ask the blessings of your grace,
I see then in my small one's face,

That you have blessed me all the while,
As I stop to kiss that precious smile.

...Author Unknown

As time goes on....

2009-10-27T00:29:00.000-07:00

I would like to add Trent's then and now pics as per Marthie's blog.

.... and Now

The photo's below were taken last night when I gave him his very first meal of home-made butternut..... He absolutely loved it!!! I was going to hold off for a while as per the sister's instructions but honestly how much weight can vegetables actually put on?? He is doing everything they need to be doing including watching me eat all the time - there was no pushing out of the tongue when the food went in and somewhere in between it all mommy got a great big smile as if to say "Mommy this is soooo yummy - you're the best"!!

Flu and more

2009-10-19T22:09:00.001-07:00

I have been a very bad blogger lately but have had so much on the go. Much as my fingers like to waffle when I begin typing I will keep this short and simple.

Kaylah's 16th party went off very well and was a huge success but for those few kids that have absolutely no manners and chose to drink alcohol. Of course hubby and I are the one's now getting frowned down on by the parents but my take on this is that if you drop your kids off and cannot be bothered to check their pockets for alcohol do not then make your shortcommings as a parent my fault. My daughter behaved in exactly the way I have always taught her to so I honestly feel proud that this is a result of 16 years work I have put in and now I feel I really did do it right after second guessing myself on so many things (10 years of that was as a single parent) so I feel it only fair to give myself a pat on the back and take most of the credit .... :o)

It seems the flu bug has finally reached my little man and he has a cough which I am unhappy about since summer is here and I thought we were one of the lucky few. Kaylah is in bed right now sick with a chest cold and I feel a slight cold coming on too. I am giving him some herbal cough syrup which he DETESTS and illiadin nose drops - for now. I will have to watch him and hope against hope that it stops at a small cold.

I really am looking forward to our little trip to Jhb - to see new and old friends and see my family again - we really need to start travelling more but honestly since we moved to the coast we kind've got lazy to go away because it feels like you have everything here so where to go? I hate Jhb although I miss it a lot - it takes a trip there to make me realise how lucky we were to have made the move to the coast.

Until next time .......

Trent - 3 Months Old Today!!!

2009-10-06T05:17:00.000-07:00

Milestones: He has just started giggling now but does it with a very serious face. He is attempting to hold his bottle too but succeeds only in knocking it out his mouth every time with his little fists. He is blowing bubbles and making the cutest noises - he talks to me with a big frown like he is telling me something of the utmost importance. He absolutely loves his bath and kicks like crazy when he's in there.
I can't believe how fast the last 3 months has gone!! Happy 3 months my boy - we love you more than words can say!!

My Precious Children

2009-10-05T06:28:00.001-07:00

I have been contemplating this post for awile so people are aware that I do infact have two other children that are loved dearly!!!

I am quite amazed at how different all their personalities are and love them all differently for this very reason.

First there is Kaylah who was the most difficult and sick baby but turned out into a very shy, well-mannered and very well liked teenager. Her 16th birthday is coming up and I really can't get my head around the fact that she is that age. I need to scan some baby pics of her - she was absolutely adorable and still is so I think I'm going to soon start having boy problems. She has never been very academically minded just like I was in school so really has to push herself to get average marks.

Then there is Morgan who keeps this whole family on their toes or rather on their heads. She tears up and down like a tornado from the moment she wakes up until she passes out at night. She is very confident and can also be pretty disrespectful to adults which is a very big problem with me and we are trying our best to rectify it. She loves to sing and dance in front of the mirror with her pretend-microphone and is constantly wanting us to watch her do a play. I think she will excell in school since thusfar she has been one of the top pupils in her class and never disappoints with her report card (I might add that her behaviour at home is not carried over to school - there she is as good as gold which then rules out ADHD). As a baby she was also pretty easy until we started giving in to demands which at the time was easier but the long-term effects such as her sleeping in our bed until she was 5 years old made me quickly realise the errors of our ways. She was born weighing 3.6 kg's but is such a skinny little girl - very tall but at 6 years she is only weighing 20kg's (note that Trent is almost half of that at 3 months!!)

Then of course we have Trent who is such a sensitive little soul lately that if there is a sudden and unexpected loud noise his bottom lip immediately comes out followed by a heart wrenching wail that goes on for a full 5 minutes even with all the comforting in the world. It not funny but we laugh at him nonetheless because it is just soooo incredibly cute. His nighttime routine (knocking on wood here) is soooo much better than Morgan's was and I think it could be due to the fact that I am much more in tune to him than I was with my girls and we work very well as a team. DH does sometimes come into the bathroom and play with him and this last week asked if he could bath him but honestly I think its my fault that I do all the work because I am a perfectionist with his routine. (perhaps I was too hard on him (DH) in my last post but honestly we all know the domino effects of financial strain and I have to just understand that he is running his own business and worring about supporting our large family - nuf said). Trent seems to be reaching certain milestones a little slower than Morgan did to so I have a feeling I am going to have a chilled happy little boy one day that does things at his own pace (nothing wrong!).

They are all so unique and I feel that this is so important because you are always surprised by things they do or the way they do them. My heart is so full of love for my 3 beautiful children even if they drive me half insane a lot of the time.

Men!!

2009-09-28T01:53:00.000-07:00

Is this the right place to be airing my dirty laundry? I'm really not sure but hey is this not the reason I started this blog? My online diary? A day in my life? Perhaps this post is the next best thing to writing it down on paper then burning it - therapeutic.

What is it with men and sex? Yes I know I haven't exactly been giving it up like a good wife should since I fell pregnant. First there was the complete exhaustion and then in the last trimester I just felt so fat and ugly and he did absolutely nothing to make me feel any different. In fact if I recall during a fight at that time I was told I was fat! Fat? No honey - just pregnant and terribly hurt thank you. Perhaps I am not fully over the fact that he made my pregnancy so miserable and I am holding on to it instead of just letting it go. Even the birth is something that still sits badly with me - I just feel it was not as special to him as the birth of his daughter. On day two in the hospital he invites friends to come and see me without asking me first. As anybody who has had a c/s knows, day 2 is the worst possible day for visitors! This starts an argument and I was utterly astounded at how selfish he was being telling me that I am such a difficult person and thats why my family didn't bother to come for the birth!! What the fuck is with that after I just gave him a beautiful son?????

I just feel like my life is spinning out of control and my only hope of happiness is packing my kids up and leaving him. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is a constant battle between us. Is he jealous of Trent? I'm pretty damn sure he is. He NEVER baths him, NEVER changes a nappy unless asked, NEVER helps me get nighttime bottles ready, knows NOTHING about his routine and automatically asks for the bottle when Trent cries when all he needs is the dummy, a hug and a sleep. I've given up asking for anything from him but the other night I was exhausted because we had gone out to friends the night before and had drinks but he gets his afternoon sleep while I look after Trent and then at 8pm when I just wanted to drop into bed I suddenly remembered bottles had not been prepared and told him. He continues lying next to me, refreshed from his afternoon sleep, watching TV. I had had enough!! After getting the bottles ready I got back into bed and told him that I really feel he is an absent father with Trent and if I had wanted to be a single mother I would have. I always get the same bullshit over and over again about how hard he works - according to him he is the hardest working man he knows. He owns a service centre and gets in early and is home by 6:30pm. Every night he walks in, gives a big sigh and then the pity party begins - Oh what a tough day I've had, me me me me me!!!! No FUCK YOU what about my day?????? How the FUCK do you think your son is growing so nicely? Then the cherry on top .... yes wait for it "You are the mother and it is YOUR JOB to do everything for the children, I am the breadwinner and while I earn the money YOU RESPECT ME!!" Since I have never been one to bite my tongue I was furious to say the least! I asked him what the point was of him working so "hard" if he has no time to appreciate his family. I also told him that I believe he is resentful that he even has a family because without having to support it he would not have to work as hard. I told him he is resentful of Trent because I give that little baby my all!!! I reminded him that he is an adult man capable of looking after himself (after I was told that HE should be my priority) I told him I was very sorry to burst his bubble but that Trent was my priority and NOT him as Trent is completely dependant on me. If Trent happens to be awake when DH wants sex it becomes MY FAULT! I am supposed to just leave him to cry so I can satisfy this mans needs. This he knows full well I refuse flatly to do.
I get told I am lazy and do nothing all day long even though I am on PAID maternity leave - apparently this is a cardinal sin. Even better - about a month ago he blew up because supper was not ready and waiting for his royal arrival. Yes fellow bloggers, I had a c/s and was breastfeeding and as we all know that first month the feedings are very erratic and you cannot simply put the baby down and expect them to understand that because their daddy is walking his important, hard-worked fucking ass through that front door in the next half an hour, mommy simply cannot feed you because daddy's stomach and paralysed fingers are far too important for me to worry about a small thing such as your hunger!!!!
Yes I thought things were going better and honestly I don't want him looking after Trent anyway because he is completely clueless about Trent's routine!! When we arrive somewhere guess who carries Trent in? Yes not me - daddy dearest!! Look at me everybody, I am a doting father, look how big my boy is getting. True story! 5 minutes later after everybody is finished cooing over Trent guess what? He hands him back to me.

Am I over this man? Is this why I withold sex? Or could it be that this is the only aspect of my life I feel I have control over? I am slipping into depression and feel that a marriage councellor may even be too late for us.

Yes tomorrow may very well bring a better day but for now I am so over this shit they call marriage - a true partnership it definately isn't!!!

Quick Update

2009-09-21T22:31:00.000-07:00

I eventually decided to make the big move back into my bedroom after sleeping on the bed in Trent's room and getting little to no sleep after his midnight feed due to constant grunting coming from the cot. So far it has worked like a charm! Sunday night he slept from 8pm until 3am - had a feed then slept again until about 7am!! Wow I really had a good night's sleep. Last night he woke at 12:30am and had half a bottle then straight back to sleep and woke again at 3am where I tried the bottle which he didn't want so after putting the dummy back in his mouth I went back to bed. I could hear the grunting through the monitor but I turned the volume down a little and soon he fell asleep. It seems he also needed me out of the room as I posibly make noises in my sleep too which keep him awake. This is the most awake I have felt in a long time and I realy hope it lasts.
Oli, myself and the kids were out a lot this weekend with friends having drinks and a lot of laughs but I now realise why I don't do the drinking on Sunday's anymore - it makes "Blue Monday" seem like the understatement of the year. So I pretty much kept a low profile yesterday and just veged all day in front of the tube - was in bed by 8pm.
I love where Trent is now in his development because the whole family fights eachother to greet him in the morning due to his incredibly good mood and beautiful smiles .... he seems just as excited as us to interact after a long night in the cot.

I want to send all my love and best wishes to two beautiful friends who just got their BFP's after a long and rocky road. Eve and Dooi I am brimming with pride for you two and cannot wait to share in the 8 months you have ahead of you and the joy when you finally hold your long awaited bundles in your arms. I couldn't have wished this on two more lovely and deserving friends. Mandy-Leigh my thoughts and prayers are with you that this cycle still turns around for you .... you are constantly in my thoughts!!

Another day in the life ....

2009-09-10T23:12:00.000-07:00

Trent has started settling into a nice routine now (knock on wood!) and last night was his first night in the big cot in his room. He loved it!! He really slept well even though he slept the day away yesterday. A week ago I finally decided to stop expressing breast milk and only formula feed and it was a very sad day for me. I still experience the urge to run to the the dr for pills to get the milk going again just because I feel like I am saying goodbye to a part of Trent and my early days and admitting to myself that he is no longer a newborn. I took him to the clinic the other day and he only picked up 20grams this week which we are not at all worried about - the sister and I think he is probably going to slow down a lot with the weight gain due to the huge gains thusfar.
I am loving talking to him now as he talks back and has recently just discovered his tongue so he is always sticking it out at me or playing with it in his mouth.
The girls are still loving him sooo much and simply can't get enough of him - I really thought the novelty would have worn off by now - you know how kids are ... more important things to do - but no I think adding a boy to the mix was the perfect recipe.

Oli and I have been getting along a lot better too and seem to have sorted our differences out. He has also told me he wants to take the family on a nice vacation before my maternity leave is finished and asked me where I would like to go. Any input would be great because I am looking for a place where there is lots for the kids to do while Oli and I find eachother again and just relax after a really shit financial year.
He is also bonding so well with Trent but I must admit he feels a little sorry for himself because lately Trent ignores him. When he plays with him or tries to smile at him Trent will turn his head or his eyes the other way. I have discovered the reason for this is because Oli tries to interract with him at about 6am before he goes to work and Trent is just getting ready to have his next sleep so really has little to no interest in any of us. Then at night when Oli gets home Trent is having his post-bath deep sleep so we just can't win.

I am starting to make my plans to go up to Jhb end of October and meet all the OPM ladies. Add to that its my birthday on 2 November and my brother-in-laws birthday on the same day so we will probably stay with my sister and have a big celebration. Oli's mom lives in Jhb too so she is really looking forward to seeing us and the kids. Then a bonus is that my mom is going to be in Jhb on the same weekend as my dad needs to go and see the heart specialist for a follow-up. I am so excited for us to all be getting together again!!!

I started weight watchers and it has admittedly been slow to start since while my mom was here I pretty much ate anything I could get my hands on. Yesterday I went for my weigh-in and in two weeks (since I didn't go weigh in last week) I had only picked up 200 grams - nothing wrong with that!! As of yesterday I have been very good and Im really hoping for a loss of about 1.5 or 2kg's this week which is normal for me on the first week of a diet - thereafter it slows.

I think I've about covered all my news now and as usual I leave with some cute photo's:

Mom and Dad the other day on the beach ... I miss them so much

I love bath time ... and recently discovered I have a tongue

Oh this is a little bit of heaven on Anna's back

I have started doing a wall of fame for my brood - as soon as Trent is sitting I am taking all three for updated pics - the skinny smiley baby with the feathers is Morgan..

Trent is 2 months!

2009-09-08T06:59:00.000-07:00

I cant believe how quickly the time has gone but Trent turned 2 months on Sunday - Happy 2 months my baby boy - you are growing up right in front of my eyes!!

Mom and dad came to visit for the weekend and I must say we had a wonderful time - they absolutely adore Trent and he was very spoilt. This morning they left though so I am feeling low today .... not chatty at all - will catch up again soon but first a picture ...

Trent at 2 months old:

Hands and Feet

2009-09-01T06:09:00.001-07:00

I finally got Trent's moulded hands and feet back and I must say I really do love it. I was a little worried that they could easily swap them for any babies moulds but the minute I saw it I recognised his baby toes. They seem to stand away from all the other toes so there was no doubting them.

We also had a little bit of tummy time today and I'm very impressed with how well Trent does - in fact he is even trying to rest his weight on his hands by lifting his elbows up .... but this makes him a weee bit wobbly which is so cute.

Mom is coming to visit this weekend and believe it or not this will be the first time she gets to see my little man so I'm pretty excited about it.
As for me well we had unprotected drunk sex the other night and I really hope there are no consequences - I mean can you imagine???????? Then again the really frightening part is that I have thought about the what if's and really wouldn't mind another absolute last ... yes not quite this early but since I'm supposed to be done with making babies I would assume it was God's will for little Trent to be close in age to a brother or sister. Watch this space.....! (P.S - my gynae has told me there is no way he will allow me to have more hehe - the cheek of it!) ;)

I am feeling a little sad that my little man is changing in front of my eyes but at the same time I get so excited when he reaches new milestones ... it just keeps getting better. Today I managed to get quite a few smiles from him so he is no longer holding them back as much ... and what a gorgeous gummy little smile it is!!! Now the trick is to get it on camera.....!
He is getting into more of a routine at night and waking up between 12:20am and 1:30am for a feed. On a good night I am awake only 15-20 minutes like last night but on some nights (due to dirty nappy's or winds) I can be up for 2 hours. He then wakes again at about 4:30am and we stay awake until about 7am. Now if I'm lucky we both go back to sleep until 9am (like this morning) but days like that are few and far between since he seems to have gone off having a long morning sleep and prefers half hour power naps which leaves me little time to chat to my favourite pals.
I started Weight Watchers but now with my mom coming for 4 days its going to be a little tough so I'm going to continue properly after she has left.

xoxo

10 Things I Love about You...

2009-08-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

You know when you just have too much to report back on that the more you wait the more news you store up until eventually it becomes too scary to blog because of the amount of time you may end up on the computer? Yes well this is me so instead of reporting back on everything I will list the 10 things I love most about you my Number 1 Man.

1. The way you make a little mmmm sound when drinking your bottle ... sip mmmmm sip mmmmm sip mmmm ...
2. The way your whole face lights up in the morning when I pick you up and smile at you.
3. The way you jump sometimes when you fart.
4. The way your eyes go round as saucers when you make new sounds.
5. The way you grunt like a caveman when you are trying to breastfeed and cannot find the source of your food and then proceed to head butt my breast in anticipation.
6. The way your bottom lip chatters when we pick you up too quickly.
7. The way you squeak for your bottle if I take too long.
8. The way you tuck your balled fists under your chin like a little bunny when you sleep.
9. The way you sneeze or hiccup and then look very surprised as if it wasn't you.
10. The way you sometime suck your dummy so hard it shoots out of your mouth.

....and a bonus 11 - just because you are all mine and you are teaching me so much as a mommy - I feel so youthful once again and thank you with all my heart for coming to me when you did and giving me the opportunity to experience this pure and precious love one more time.

Mommy loves you with all my heart my little chipmunk - you will always be my Number 1 Man

To my blogger pals - I would love to read yours too ...... I tag you!
To those still going through their TTC journey please remember you are always in my prayers

xoxoxoxoxo

Paed Visit

2009-08-18T01:46:00.000-07:00

Firstly thank you ladies for your help. Chez I remember Antipeol but wasn't that taken orally? I will get some definately. Zeu - Daktarin was the name I had forgotten thanks... I used to use that with my daughter and worked very well.

So the following points were discussed at the paed yesterday:

Trents weight gain:

He was weighed on the paed's scale 17 days ago and was weighing 4.9kg's and yesterday he weighed 6.1kg's so in just over 2 weeks he picked up 1.2kg's - that's 500 grams a week and 70 grams a day!! Dr only wants him to put on 25 grams a day because of his large birth weight. So he was put on the following formula:

800ml in 24 hrs 3 hourly:

7pm - 100ml
10pm - 100ml
1am - 100ml
4am - 100ml
7am - 100ml
10am - 100ml
1pm - 100ml
4pm - 100ml

or (which I may prefer):

800ml in 24hrs 4 hourly
7pm - 150ml
11pm - 150ml
3am - 125ml
7am - 125ml
11am - 125ml
3pm - 125ml

I was definately overfeeding him when I look at the schedule above but at least we have caught it before he started getting too fat.

Rooibos:
Dr said absolutely NO rooibos as their systems are still much to immature to handle the ingredients in the tea and that it would more than likely just make his nappy rash worse so I will just continue with the boiled water between feeds.

Weeping Eye:
He said to continue with the drops given but I had been forgetting to massage the eye along the nose after applying drops. This is important because it opens the blocked duct and allows the medicine to travel through. If the problem persists months down the line he may need to go to an eye specialist where they insert a very fine tube through the eye and down the duct to open it. I hope it doesn't come to that however.

Crampiness:
Gripe water? He says its flavoured water that someone is making money out of so I'm wasting my time with it.
Telemant? As above.
He says that buscopan should be used only in extreme cases but he prefers that the babies get the winds up by themselves if they can or it will only get worse as they begin to rely on medicine. I have to agree with that.

P.S (last night hubby called me into the room as he was holding Trent and wanted me to see him in action with his dummy. He had a grip on it and was continuously putting it in his mouth and removing it - such good co-ords and he looked adorable.

P.P.S (I got another smile out of him this morning - albiet a brief one it melted my heart nonetheless)

xoxo

One In The Can For Me ;)

2009-08-17T04:52:00.001-07:00

Well ... I just had to report back on this one. Friday night we were invited to a braai at friends and we had some drinks and chatted and all that good stuff, getting home at about 11pm. Now our agreement is that on weekends hubby sleeps with me in the main room since he does not have work the next day. Firstly I notice him heading for the spareroom and turning on the lamp. My words to him? "I DON'T THINK SO!!" so sheepishly he turns the light out and comes to bed. Fast forward 12:30am and hubby dearest has been snoring his head off for an hour and I have been up with a baby that has no interest in sleeping. Something wrong with this picture right? I start silently fuming at the fact I have been suckered yet again. Let me remind all that I too was drinking and since I am not used to drinking I was absolutely exhausted when we got home. Eventually I just couldn't take it anymore and woke him up ... dialogue as follows:

"Oli I think this is really unfair that I am up and you are sleeping"
his reply: "Well I have had a hard day at work and I got up at 6am"
me: "Oh wow - you slept in I see since I was up from 4:30am"
him "But you sit around at home all day" [me boiling over at that statement]
me "We agreed you would pull your weight on weekends and you are tired from drinking doubles tonight NOT from waking up at 6am my friend"
him: "You are the mother and it is your job" Job??? JOB???? It is my greatest pleasure but a little help would do wonders for my sanity sunshine!!!!! Now I am FUMING MAD!!
At this point I decide that the only way he will learn is if I actually leave the room so I pack up my pillows and replied "My Job???? Lets see how you feel about that when I sleep in the other room dearest... You WILL look after your son tonight as I am giving myself the night off!!!!"
And there you have it - off I went to the spareroom to what I thought would be the greatest sleep ever but there I lay, waking up every half hour worrying that he would snore his head off after drinking and forget that I wasn't there to tend to Trent (p.s. Trent sleeps in a little crib on my side of the bed -not in the bed). It was PURE torture for me to not go in and check if all was well and the only reason I did not do it was because I did not want him to tell me "Your turn now" I was in the midst of teaching him a lesson and all that good stuff. Anyhoo 4:30am I just couldn't sleep anymore so went through to check on him and realised that I had missed him so much I told DH he can go sleep in the spareroom. Granted I did not get to sleep again until that afternoon but I was so much happier knowing my son was near. Lesson learnt? You betchya!!! Saturday afternoon Sharks vs Lions game at the club and everybody was going to watch. Of course we had plans of going through as well. Now you may remember in earlier posts how much DH went out and drank while I was pregnant and in fact once or twice since I had given birth (early days when I simply couldn't join him). Well he nearly blew me clear away when he said to me early Saturday afternoon that he really did not feel like going out and drinking and would prefer to stay home!!!!!!??????? OMFW!!!! So I'm guessing he learnt a very good lesson the previous night - that it is NOT easy getting up every five minutes and having a broken sleep. He certainly woke up with a new kind've respect for me and at the same time realised that if he wants to go out and play there are limits and that I refuse to be left at home so if he goes we all go!! I hate to gloat but shit I'm proud of me ....[dusts hands] That's one in the can thank you very much.

A little on Trent:
He is growing in leaps and bounds and I am actually taking him to the paed late this afternoon. His eye infection has STILL not cleared up and its really worrying me. Then we have had a couple of very croupy sounding coughs (sound like they really hurt) and this is not something I wish to play around with. Nighttime is still pretty hard for me since we are doing 9pm, 12:30am and 3:30am (this last one he often stays awake until 7am). Sometimes I wonder if Nan even fills him up .... he is such a hungry little boy. Today I started him on a little baby Rooibos and he loved it so this will now become his inbetween-bottle-when-he-thinks-he-is-still-hungry drink. One more thing I would like to discuss is his terrible crampiness at night. When he is finished drinking he moans and grunts for such a long time (even after being winded), after a while he will either let off wind or pass a stool and then he is fine. I have telement, I have the mixture from the pharmacy and I also use gripe water (5ml's before a bottle) so not sure what I can do to help him. He doesn't cry at all as he is just not a crier - in fact everybody always comments on how peaceful and happy he is. He also has nappy rash just around the centre which looks like really painful little blisters that bleed. I have tried topical ointment, bepanthen, leaving nappy off etc but again this is something I need to discuss with the paed this afternoon. The problem is that every nappy is still a dirty nappy and his stools are still very loose even though he is now getting more formula than breastmilk (probably gets two bottles of 150ml breastmilk in a 24 hour period). Any home remedies are most welcome ladies so feel free to give me yours.

Here are some of his latest pictures:

Mommy's little shark baby

An Award from Me to me

2009-08-11T00:57:00.000-07:00

Firstly I would like to thank Eve and Karien ((((((((((big hugz))))))))) for my award - which I will put up on my blog just as soon as I can even though it is most certainly not deserved hehe.

Secondly I would like to allocate an award to myself:
"The Worlds Worst Blogger Award"

I am soooooo sorry to all my faithfull followers but shit my life has suddenly taken a very busy turn. My wonderful maid left Friday before last to go to Jhb and only arrives back tomorrow morning so I have pretty much been running around like a headless chicken trying to keep the house under control. Trent also has the most wonderful timing of having a growth spurt this week because besides all the eating he is just not falling into those nice long, deep sleeps like he was. He will go down and half an hour to an hour he will be awake again which has thrown my feeding schedule right out. Things were settling into a nice routine and quite honestly I cannot help feeling anger towards my maid for even leaving right now even though I shouldn't. I have gone back two steps and find myself once again, sitting around in pj's all day because I am not able to break away to shower or anything else. His nappy's leak (Pamper's) so I have a shitload (punn intended) of dirty washing that is piling up around my ears.

More news than that will have to wait because my little prince charming has now arisin after another half hour catnap .... there goes my shower and early departure to the shops.

xoxo

Breastfeeding Pro's and Cons

2009-08-01T02:02:00.000-07:00

Okay so here I am writing a post I really hoped I would not write because while pregnant I was so determined to give breastfeeding my all no matter what. But here I sit, a constant battle going on inside my head about which path to choose going forward. Breast or Bottle?

Perhaps I should list the pro's and con's I have had with breastfeeding:

Pro's:
- The weight loss is a complete bonus!
- The closeness I feel to my son is amazing.
- I feel a sense of power in knowing that my body is sustaining this precious life.
- That time is ours and ours alone and perfect for bonding.
- I have milk on tap, the right amount and the perfect temperature.

Cons:
- Sadly I have a little boy to bites and fusses at the breast and twists his head around, taking my nipple with him in the process, causing me great pain whereby I have to stick a finger in the corner of his mouth to break the suction on many occassions. There are times, however that he will sit and nurse quietly and I have absolutely no pain but these times are not all that often. Why is he doing this? Is it because sometimes he gets the bottle and he feels its just too much hard work now to get milk from the breast? Either way this is very stressful for me. P.S (it is not something in my diet because sometimes I then take him off the breast and rather express his feed and he will very quietly and calmly drink the whole bottle with no gassiness or pain).
- I feel like I am kind've limited in where I can go as I am not one to breastfeed in public.
- He stretches his feeds out so much that what is supposed to be a 10 minute feed per side turns into an hour or two's feeding session because he loses interest or falls asleep and I have to try work back the couple of minutes he nursed for then when he wakes, add on a few more minutes and so it goes on. I would love if he were hungry that he completed his feed in half an hour, burping included but I know that this is not always possible and babies have their own ideas.

I know you would all tell me to just go with what I feel happy with in the end but I am just so confused at the moment because I really really want breastfeeding to work out but surely I am supposed to get some sort of enjoyment out of it?? I am so worried that I go onto bottles and regret my decision but there would be no turning back once my milk has dried. I have good days and bad days. The day before yesterday was perfect - he would feed like a little angel and I would feel proud at the end of the day that I had it all figured out. Then yesterday comes along and I end up stressed and with very painful nipples from him clamping down on them, pulling them, grunting, groaning and fighting me every step of the way. By last night I was sure I wanted to give it up. Roll on this morning and he has the perfect feed on both sides, no pain, no pulling or fussing - just an angelic little face drinking quietly and then going for a long sleep completely satisfied ... [insert BIG sigh here]

To strike off a few potential questions - yes I have AMPLE milk supply because when I express I only do 10 minutes per side and can yield up to 175ml - (besides the fact that I woke this morning with drenched Pj's over right breast). The paed was very happy with my volume and told me I definately don't have supply problems. Jahni - you mentioned N would pull away if your milk came in while she was nursing? This does not happen with T so I doubt my let-down is strong enough to bother him.

Any clues as to how I can stop this behaviour or what could be causing it would really help and I would be inclined to perservere but sadly if it continues I am not sure I can take the pain or the frustration.

P.S (still haven't had a chance to see a lactation consultant as yet)

xoxoxoxo

Finally - My Update

2009-07-23T04:20:00.000-07:00

Okay this could take a while as I have a bit to report back on....

Trent:
I am not sure where to start but we have already done 2 clinic visits and 1 paed visit (yesterday). He has had an eye infection which the paed gave me medicine for yesterday and also some saline spray for his nose as his nose is blocked. Apart from that he is now nearly 1 month and we are both starting to settle into a bit of a routine. Night times however can be a complete different story. Last night was brilliant because he went down at 9pm and only woke at 3am where he drank his full bottle of 125ml, burped and went straight back to sleep. These nights are few and far between however since he mostly prefers to keep me up all night hehe.
He poops and pees like a champ - I mean EVERY single nappy is full of poo and pee - never mind the farting ... he could put others in this house to shame. In fact sometimes I can't help laughing because he farts a little too loud and gives himself such a fright he nearly jumps through the roof!! hehe

He is now weighing a very healthy 4.9kg's and my breastmilk is still ample for him. I was advised by the paed yesterday however, that if I want to continue breastfeeding then I should only give one bottle of formula at night and not two as I have been doing. So I will give the formula at the 10pm or 12 midnight feed and when he wakes at around 4:30am I must breastfeed.

On Friday 17 July we took Trent for a lovely photo shoot (pics to follow).
On Monday 20th July a lady came to the house to take a mould of his hands and feet and I will have them in 4 to 6 weeks (can't wait).

My Recovery:
I am feeling strong and healthy now but must admit that all the comments I had read that your c/s is better after the second day did not hold true for me as I felt I was in a lot of pain for at least the first 10 days. In fact I was walking doubled over for the first 7 days and sometimes needed a hand to stand from a sitting position. This could have been because sometimes I forgot to take my painkillers because once I took them I felt a damn sight better. I had a bit of a relapse on the Monday after coming home and was booked into hospital where they were going to do immediate surgery on my ...... ass area - yes a hemmoroidectomy!! Now I had this operation about 4 years ago and would never ever contemplate doing it again ESPECIALLY when I have a newborn baby to look after. They thought that hemmoroids were causing a blockage which was preventing me well .... doing as nature intended. I was so distraught in the hospital I just cried all afternoon but eventually I went to the toilet and through sheer will I managed to just let go and said a prayer of thanks then and there!! Dr still wanted me to stay overnight and I begged him to let me out and promised him I was cured - shooo - close call. Let me tell you my last surgery took me a month to recover from and every day was sheer agony. Well thank goodness I am now completely recovered albeit a little itchy over c/s scar.

Other than that I am down 13 kg's already and I am thrilled considering its only been three weeks. I am still eating badly but am slowly changing my habits to include lots of veg and salads. I also promise to cut back on the coke .... tomorrow !!

Below I have included quite a lot of pictures of Trents photo shoot for my mom's viewing pleasure.

xoxo

Busy Busy Days

2009-07-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

Yes I am here alive and kicking just don't know right now if Im coming or going.

I am feeling so antsy since it is not like me to not update my blog for this length of time and I have so much to report back on that I am worried I will forget. Tomorrow I will definately update all the news post birth but as all new mommies know, this tiny little being demands that the house gets turned right on its head and he will accept no less hehe....

P.S (Pics from photo shoot will also follow tomorrow - can't wait for sister and mom to see them)

P.P.S (Chez - busy loading them on F/B so maybe tomorrow you can take a look)

xoxo

Trent Riley is finally here

2009-07-09T10:38:00.000-07:00

Yes I am finally the proud new mommy of my first little boy Trent Riley. What can I say except that I am so in love with him and often catch myself just staring at him in a trance-like state.

The birth story itself is very uneventful and almost seems a little too "planned" when compared to the excitement and unpredictability of the birth of both my girls but either way I loved the experience and I am completely infatuated with the little boy that was my gift at the end of it.

Sunday, the day before my scheduled caesar was a little surreal. There was always an element of doubt that I was actually meeting Trent the following morning but still I went through the motions of making sure the room was completely ready and that my bags were packed perfectly. I lazed around a lot on Sunday and Oli cooked us a lovely beef roast. By Sunday evening the nerves started kicking in and I started thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong - I probably said 50 prayers. I eventually fell asleep at about 11:30pm and was awake again by 3:30am even though my alarm was only set for 4:30am. After trying unsuccessfully to go back to sleep I decided at 4am to get up and bath. I woke Oli up at 5am and it was really nice to not be alone anymore because my nerves were completely frazzled for some reason. We kissed the kids goodbye and were on our way. I was back in bed in the hospital at 6:15am listening to baby's heartbeat and feeling like my own was going to beat a hole in my chest. When they put up the IV line Oli actually got so nauseous and quickly left the ward - just for a tiny bit on blood on my hand? When he got back I told him I hoped he was not going to pass out with the caesar as he needed to take the video. I was told I was going through at 8am and suddenly things just felt like they were haoppening so fast.

Two sister's came in - one armed with a plastic razor and the other with the catheter. I had shaved just about everything off but still she dry shaved me in front which made my skin crawl. I asked the other sister why they were not doing the catheter after the spinal and she said it was my dr. that preferred his patients were completely ready when he came in to operate. So much to my embarrassment and utter discomfort she inserted the catheter there and then - VERY uncomfortable. I still kept feeling like I needed to pee and it burned like hell. I was told it was just because my body was trying to get rid of something foreign. The anaethetist came and met us and I really liked him a lot as he offered to take pictures with the camera for us while Oli manned the video cam.

Before I knew it I was being wheeled into theatre and all the theatre staff were so amazing in trying to relax me - even those that were not going to be in theatre with me. Oli was taken away to get dressed and I was wheeled into the room. The midwife (who I know quite well from around town) was amazing and stood close by me when the spinal was administered. First he cleaned my back with some very cold stuff and then injected a local anesthetic which was a little painful. The midwife had me curl right into her and I felt the needle go very deep into my back - not painful just uncomfortable. It seemed to take a very long time for it to start working and I remember asking him how I would know it had taken fully before they started cutting me and he made a joke that i could just scream if the cutting hurt - I contintued to wiggle my toes at intervals and pannicked when I could still do it. My dr. came in at that point ready to start the procedure but on pinching my lower belly I could still feel it in certain spots so they had to wait. I asked about 3 times where Oli was and they said they would let him in just as soon as the spinal had taken full effect. Finally I could no longer wiggle my toes but I was still amazingly nervous about them cutting me and that I would feel it.

The anaesthetist was amazing at relaxing me by talking to me the whole time. Oli was then let in the room and the camera started rolling - at one point I still asked him how he was feeling and the dr's found it quite funny since I was the one under the knife. All I can say is that I felt every single pull and push sensation (minus the pain) but it was not pretty to feel or listen to. I heard them saying they had to make the cut a little wider because of scar tissue from the previous one so getting through that took a little longer than expected. Before I knew it they had pulled his head out and the comments were flying around the room what a huge baby he was. They struggled to get his shoulders out and at that point the anaesthetist told me I needed to help them push, which I did and his shoulder came out a little like a cork on a champagne bottle....

All I waited for was the first cry and he did not disappoint me.... it was a gurgled little cry but I just burst into tears the minute I heard it. Dr held him up and I got the briefest look at him before they took him to the table to clean him and give him oxygen. They allowed Oli to cut the cord shorter at the table and I remember he told me he couldn't believe how strong the cord was. I also heard comments about my placenta and how big it was, my dr actually said "for such a big baby you needed such a big healthy placenta". After Trent was wrapped Oli brought him to me to look at and again the tears just flowed. The midwife and Oli then left for the nursery and I remember feeling so alone. I just wanted to hold and be with my baby but I was trapped. The stitching me back up seemed to take forever but that could have also been because I was feeling cheated that I had as yet not got to hold baby and hadn't seen his face properly.

I was wheeled into recovery thereafter and kept asking the nurses there when I could leave. They checked my b/p about 4 times and I was ready to start screaming for them to let me go because the one nurse was training another one so they were very thorough with their checks with me and taking added time .... time that I would much rather use bonding with my brand new baby. Finally they asked the anaesthetist if I could go and he said yes. The corridor seemed to go on forever and finally I got wheeled into my ward. My FIL and both my girls were already there and had seen him and I know this may sound very strange to say but I was a little grumpy about that. I would have loved to have been there with him introducing him to my girls, seeing their expressions the very first time they laid eyes on him but I guess it was not to be. That and the fact my FIL got to see him before I had even seen him did not sit that well with me. Oh well - it was all over when the the midwife brought him from the nursery and put him in my arms.... everything else just slipped away - it was just him and I at that moment. When I was told how much he weighed I simply could not believe it. 4.2kg's is very big but to me he still looked like a small newborn baby albeit a little on the chubby side. 52cm's in length and a 36cm head circumference. His apgar was 9/10 and then 10/10 so all was healthy.

I was pretty helpless that first day due to the catheter and the IV and hardly slept because I felt like I was in a drug induced state was awake but up in the clouds if that makes sense - not a nice feeling. They looked after Trent in the nursery that night which was a God-send because I just couldn't have done it. They let me breastfeed at 10:30pm and then I told them to just top up with formula through the night, which they did in a small cup. Early hours of the morning they took the IV out and then at 4:30am they took the catheter out. It was so wonderful to stand up have a shower - even though my legs initially did not want to carry me. After my shower things deteriorated rapidly. The ward was incredibly busy that day and my husband was busy at work so popped in for a very short morning visit and only came back again late afternoon. During the day I had no help because the staff were busy and I had no visitors to help me pick him up and put him down without causing more pain to my already very sore c/s cut. The pain of having gas was absolutely terrible and I had to keep asking for something to take it away ... my stomach was so bloated I felt I was going to explode. Then suddenly early afternoon I got the runs - badly!!! Picture it - baby cryng for milk all time time and me running to the toilet every five minutes - sitting in the toilet having to hear my baby cryng for me down the hall. Trying to hurry back to him to give him the breast when my stomach was in so much pain. Just getting him settled on the breast and the cramps to go to the toilet starting again. Nipples starting to crack up at a rapid rate so very sore nipples to add to all the other problems. Oli arrived at 3pm with Morgan for his visit and I was so glad to see him as I needed all the help I could get. He had to leave to finish something up at the office (which is 5 minutes away) and asked if he could leave Morgan with me - BIG MISTAKE!!!!!! I wanted to say no but felt bad for her so I said yes but told him he needed to make sure he was not longer than half an hour. Well there I was alone with baby and Morgan and the stomach cramps started again and I needed to run to the toilet. Baby was awake and trying to feed again and I didn't want to leave him alone with her so I sat with a dilemma again and at this point I just wanted to sit down and cry!!! I called Oli and told him to get back to the hospital PRONTO!!! When he got there I was on the verge of breaking down but what eventually did it was when he calmly told me that some friends Paul and Kathy were coming to see me during visiting hours that night. I lost it with him and went through the whole day's events (crying through it all by the way) and told him he was the most insensitive person on earth that he just expected me to pop a baby out and carry on as normal, putting on smiles for every Tom, Dick and Harry that decides to visit. Of course he tried to argue with me .... once again BIG MISTAKE!!!! I actually kicked him out .... hehehe - can't remember my words but told him to get out and not come back.

I managed to catch up ever so slightly on some much needed sleep that night so by the following day things were looking positive again. Trent and I had bonded so well during the night because he slept with me and we did our own little photo shoots in the middle of the night. I decided the following day that I was rather going to go home and not stay the final night - it was just too much and I have a brilliant support system at home and felt my recovery would be quicker there. I have a wonderful live-in maid Anna and of course my teen daughter so was more than ready to go home. My bandage had torn from all the moving around the day before so dr had them redress me. While they were doing that Oli (who very wisely did not mention my previous night's outburst) sat in the corridor with Trent and the paed happened to walk past while he was there and commented that Trent looked a little yellow and he wanted to check him. Bloods were ordered and a few minutes later a lady came from the lab and took him to the nursery where she was to draw blood. She pricked his heel and couldn't get blood to come out and all I heard was Trent screaming blue murder - I burst into tears and told Oli I couldn't take it anymore because his crying just wouldn't stop. My heart was breaking :o(( She then pricked him AGAIN but this time in his arm to try get the blood from there and once again both Trent and I were hysterical. Damn I wanted to kill that woman!! When I got him back I kept telling him how sorry I am (by the way he had terrible bruising on his heel because of this). We obviously then couldn't leave as planned because we had to wait for the results so Oli went back to work and Trent and I fell asleep again. Eventually the results came back and thank God he was fine - no jaundice so I was over the moon we did not have to spend another night.

We came straight home and I got back into pj's and straight back into bed. I had the most relaxing afternoon sleep while Oli lay next to me with Trent. I had breastfed just before sleeping so whenever he moaned Oli gave him a dummy and he was fine until I woke up.

I have to post news on my days at home but since this post has already been so long I will stop here and update again very soon including stories on breastfeeding, c/s pain, slight fevers and indescribable love...

I love this little boy so much it scares me .... every part of my being just wants to protect him. God has been good to us ... we are truly blessed.

2 More Sleeps!! (Or should I say sleepless nights?)

2009-07-04T11:19:00.000-07:00

Pictures below are a pair of leather hand-made shoes for baby sent from hubby's cousins in the UK - they are absolutely adorable and were found by Becky and Kate online.

Sleep, when it comes is dream-filled, muddled, confusing and very restless. So I had to sleep this afternoon to catch up but even that is difficult with my daughter slamming my door open every five minuets :o( - Yet here I sit at 8:45pm completely alert knowing that I will probably only attempt sleep shortly before 12 midnight again. I have so many thoughts going through my head and once again I am feeling sad that my family can not be here to share this special moment with me. My MIL called today and said she would definately try get a flight out on the Friday and come for the weekend (next weekend) which is at least something.

I have a "friend" that I spoke about earlier in my blog - a fairweather fried who proved herself completely incapable of supporting me through my pregnancy and having nothing at all to do with the organising of my stork party etc (in fact she did not even come to my stork party and with no good reason either since she was at home that day). I have little to no respect for her anymore because of what she put me through including making nasty comments behind my back which ppl were quick to repeat to me(again this is stuff I have previously mentioned in my blog). Well she has suddenly reared her head in the last few weeks and my hubby seems quite open to the fact that she is trying to get back in my life as he has a good relationship with her husband and my being friends with her would make his life easier (you know how men are) but in my opionion she is doing it for the fame and glory now that the birth of baby is here - she wants to be the one that spreads the good word to everybody in town - she wants a bit of that limelight for herself but a sad part is that she is probably thinking now that the pregnancy is over she can pick up with me where we left off and get her old drinking buddy back again...? No such luck, I have absolutely zero fucking respect for shallow people like that - let alone do I want them to be a a part of my life when their only interest is sitting getting shit-faced in a pub all weekend.
Hubby went to her house this afternoon to work on his porche before we sell it and to watch a bit of the rugby then came home and told me she wants to come visit me tomorrow and "see me one last time with my tummy". If I can be brutally honest the thought of her coming here and putting on pretences makes me want to vommit. I told hubby as much too - I think my words to him were along the lines of "She can fuck right off - I have no interest in her spoiling my last family day before baby arrives - and besides she's going to head straight for my bar and think drinking in celebration is the order of the day again" (sorry but I feel very strongly about this). Hubby shrugged his shoulders as usual and didn't feel it pertinent to agree with me at all even though he has told me on a few different occassions that he doesn't like her one bit. Either way I will make sure the family and I go out somewhere nice for lunch so I can avoid her.
At some point after the pregnancy when things all settle down I fully intend to confront her with all she has said and done and I fully expect her to plead innocence which is her norm. I ALWAYS get whats bothering me off my chest - I wont have it any other way but I love this boy way to much to have challenged her about her wrongdoing while pregnant because once I get started I can work myself into an uncontrollable rage if the wrong buttons are pushed so best it was avoided for mine and baby's sake.

So this post has become all about something I didnt even intend to discuss but you know what? I feel better .... It's off my chest in a manner of speaking and it will be one less thing to worry about when I try to sleep tonight.

Apart from all that I repacked mine and baby's hospital bag today. Mmmmmmm baby's clothes smell so nice I just can't help holding them up to my nose. I use the sunlight baby handwash powder and baby sta-soft and the whole room smells of it when you walk in there. I recharged my camera's and deleted all current pics from my memory card so I don't run out of space. Its pretty much all done now. I will be taking my two small holiday bags and probably a kit bag as well for odds and ends including the camera's - whew feels like Im moving in .....

I'll be back tomorrow and may even brave posting a last pic of my belly xoxo

P.S - to all the ladies on OPM thank you so much for your support throughout my pregnancy - I could not have done it without you. To those still pregnant, relish every single moment - don't wish it away because its all gone too quick and trust me - even though your precious baby is here there is an emptiness when the belly is gone. To those still TTC or those who have suffered through losses I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your constant selfless words of encouragement which speak of such bravery and strength it brings tears to my eyes. I want you all to know that you are constantly in my prayers and I will continue to follow your journey until those prayers are answered..... xoxoxoxoxo

Appointment today - 3 More sleeps!!!

2009-07-03T05:55:00.000-07:00

Last night was a very restless night due to bad cramps and I really thought this was it - even when I did manage to sleep all I could dream about was the birth. I woke this morning to bad menstrual cramps and couldn't wait to have a hot bath to see if it got worse. Well the bath made my skin all pink but took the cramps away completely!! hehe ... Oh well its only three more days - I've waited this long haven't I?

Dr's visit went well - he did a steroid shot and I am getting another tomorrow - he says its just an extra precaution because we are not sure of my exact dates due to my screwed up cycles before falling pregnant. I won't complain about extra caution because him and I have actually developed a very good dr / patient relationship and I trust him fully. Baby was looking pretty cramped up in there so for his sake Im really glad he can stretch out soon. I asked dr. to give me a weight estimation and again he said that after they get to 3kg's its not accurate but that his scanner was saying 4kg's!!! I certainly hope thats off although he really didn't put much stock in that figure - I think at the most baby will probably weigh 3.8kg's but we will wait and see.. he is what he is afterall. Dr was nice enough when I was walking out to tell me to make sure his receptionist puts me at the front of the queue on Monday as I believe its quite a busy day. I really hope I don't have to share a room with other mommies but that's minor.

I have been so excited about every little twinge I am feeling but in all honesty I prefer for baby to come on Monday because I want to spend a very special weekend with my girls and hubby... doing things like going out for a nice Sunday meal, baking (which Im doing right now - myself and Morgan have just put some chocolate muffins in the oven). I want to repack my bags for the last time, do one more check of baby's cupboards and make sure both my digital camera and my video camera are properly charged (even though I charged them a week ago). I need to also make a list of ppl hubby must sms on Monday incl. Tammi and Marthie if you don't mind updating the forum for me? I will take a pic from my cell phone and email it to one of you as well (oops ... the control freak in me is planning again *blush*) hehe can't be helped :D

Anyhooooo thats all from my side for now ... until tomorrow ... Peace out cyber sista's ...

xoxo

5 MORE SLEEPS!!!!

2009-07-01T04:17:00.000-07:00

I must admit to feeling very uninspired lately and I assume it just comes with the territory of being very late in pregnancy and uncomfortable. Coupled with the fact that I sit on my bed with laptop and its not very comfortable. I really need a proper desk like I have at work so I can be a good little blogger but then again I only have a few days left .... I can't believe that on Monday I will have my cute little bean in my arms and I can finally get to look at him. I'm also so excited for the girls to meet him - they certainly have waited a long time, especially the little one.
I have my last app. on Friday and dr. still wants me to go and get the steroid inject tomorrow so he can give it to me at the app. I am not sure why but like I have always said his dates were always a little behind mine and he wants to be extra cautious that he is not taking baby out too soon even though he told me there was a chance of my going into labour this week after looking at all the signs on the scan. *sigh* what do I know - but I do like that he is careful.

A very strange thing happened on Sunday - I developed a cluster of about 5 small fever blisters on my lip and I NEVER get fever blisters except maybe once or twice in my whole life. The first time I was pregnant with DD and another time but it seems to be when my system is so run down and considering I have just got over some bad flu I guess its understandable but still freaks me out either way.

Yesterday the bikini wax did not go according to plan either and she was halfway done when I told her not to even contemplate trying to finish. Firstly it was pure agony (a first for me) and secondly my blood pressure was dropping at a very fast rate due to lying on my back. I felt like I was going to throw up all over the room. After I got up she sat me in a comfortable chair and gave me some iced tea - wouldn't let me drive home either until I was feeling better. So here I sit with a half waxed .....! I will just have to use a bit of baby powder and razor on Sunday before I go in - its not like they're going to be worrying about any 5 o' clock shadows on one side when they are (hopefully) more interested in keeping me alive hehe.

My sis and bil came to see me on Monday and brought the cot and some other bits and pieces. It was really great to see them again and she couldn't believe how big my tummy is now. My little nephew Brett is also soooo adorable and I really wish we could have spent longer with them but they were headed back to Jhb so hopefully after baby arrives we can make a plan to see them again.

DH and I were at eachother's throats last night and again I think I'm just walking on a tightrope because of the whole birth on Monday. I have been crying a lot this past week and emotions are just all over the place. I am wanting more sympathy from him, more telling me to relax and put my feet up while he cooks supper, more of everything and I just don't know what but sometimes I really do feel that men can be emotionally cripple. Why can he not just be at my beck and call for this last week? Am I asking too much?

I am so damn heavy now and to stand and cook in the kitchen is becoming very uncomfortable because when I stand for any length of time baby's head seems to press on a nerve and cause pain to shoot through my legs. I am completely clumsy now when getting up and down and almost need to send a scout before me through the house to make sure there are no toys or hazzards before I drag this big body down the passage since I can barely see anything past my tummy anymore. Bathing is something I love and I refuse to shower especially now that its colder but even that favourite passtime is becoming challenging for me - the getting in and out is a whole planning process in itself. I am getting a lot more BH's now and a lot of period type pains and every time I feel it I hope and pray that this is the beginning. I know I'm going in on Monday but to labour first would mean to me that baby was ready to come and his starsign and birth date was actually his choosing and not mine.

Anyway after the cot arrived I finally managed to finish the room. The room has a shower en-suite which is great for storing the baby bath and for filling and emptying it. There are just a couple of areas where I still need to put wallpaper but for the most part I am more ready than I will ever be.... to add to that ... um ...
I am so embarrassed about my holiday luggage that I have given DH strict instructions that it is only to be brought in after baby has been born as I refuse to go into hospital at 6am in the morning with all my luggage and have the receptionist think I have lost my way and direct me to the beach holiday resort down the road ;o)

Great Progress Today

2009-06-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

Hello world

On the flu front I'm starting to feel human again - however I am now dealing with the phlem on the chest which normally hangs on for a while. I'm still getting the very dry sore throat around 2am / 3am every morning but thankfully last night I managed to go straight back to sleep after nursing my throat. It's amazing how my peaceful nights sleeps have so drastically changed. I toss and turn all night and when I am sleeping I am dreaming about the baby being born or the ladies on the board that I chat to. One dream my husband actually had the baby and I stood next to the bed taking pictures of him recovering from general and holding the baby close to his chest (grrrrrr) I tell you I felt soooo robbed being there in his position!!!! I have also been dreaming of very rough sea's and being in a glass building where a huge big wave is bearing down on us and grows to higher than the building itself (scary shit I tell you - pure fear). I have looked at my dream book for guidance and it seems that it just has a lot to do with turmoil, fear etc. and I can only assume that with the impending arrival of my little boy I am really getting nervous and sub-conciously the birth is a very real worry to me.

Onto the gynae visit today - to say I just about skipped back to my car after the app. is an understatement and although I know in posts when I was early to mid pregnancy I bitched and moaned about him - I have actually come to understand and respect him and see the errors of my ways - he really is a nice guy and today we even had a chat about a documentary he saw the other day re. Nostradamus. Anyhooo moving swiftly along ..... while I was getting ready for the scan I asked him if he would consider doing my c/s on Monday 6th instead of Thursday 9th and before he would commit he did the scan and checked baby's size. When we went back into the office he said he would change the date to the 6th and I quote "if I make it to then as I think you may go into labour before then" ..... wow.....! He said my fluid was full of vernex so baby looks "ready". I went straight to hubby's work and told him the good news and everyone was so excited. Shortly after that I collected Morgan from school and we went to the mall as I needed to return some items but strangely enough I was getting plenty of mild contractions the whole time with a very bad period pain type feeling low down. We were shopping literally an hour and I had to make 5 toilet trips due to the pressure I am suddenly feeling which I can only put down to baby's head having dropped (something I forgot to ask dr). I then took her to Wimpy and I thought sitting down would ease the cramps but no such luck - even on the half hour drive home the cramps just continued. Yes - there was a teeny bit of excitement that this was, in fact it.
After collecting Kaylah we arrived home and she ran a wonderful hot bubble bath for me and made me a cup of coffee. Before I got in the bath I felt I needed a number 2 so off I went to the toilet and can you believe that I actually had the runs??? Good sign right? Especially if you consider that chronic constipation has been my constant companion since day dot of this pregnancy with the only exceptions being after a spoon of Agiolax - again my excitement mounted as this too is a sign that labour is approaching. Of course we all know that if it is true labour a hot bath would prove it beyond a doubt but this hot bath? Well .... it took every single little twinge completely away and I have felt absolutely nothing since :o(( Dis-a-pointing!!!!! Oh well .... I do know that something is happening in there because yesterday and today these b/h's have made me stop and pay attention. Either way I am still going to meet him earlier than I was before my app. this morning :o)

I have posted some pics that my daughter took today as I feel I need to take as many now as I can since this belly could very well be gone soon. Please forgive the tired eyes but this is a by-product of flu coupled with usual late 3rd trimester fatigue.

16 Days!!!

2009-06-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

I've been a very bad blogger lately due to being hit hard with the flu so have quite a bit to catch up on.

Firstly I need to mention that my daughter had a very nice day on Saturday 13th June - which was her birthday party. I did not need to do too much running around as we organised platters of food for the parents and the cake was made by a chef at my work. I'm really pleased she got her party because I honestly did not think I would be up to it. My MIL came from Jhb for the birthday and bought a beautiful baby monitor for us as well so I am really grateful for that saving.

On the pregnancy front I went for my 36 week appointment on Friday and all looks good. Baby measured at 39 weeks though so dr. looked a little confused and needed to check in my file again to make sure he had my dates right. I obviously jumped into action and asked if he would do my c/s a week early ... hmmmm guess you already know the answer to that one. ;o)
Baby's weight measured at about 3.3kg's but dr. did clarify what I already know. That once baby is over 3kg's it is very difficult to accurately measure the weight. So there's a 500g error margin either way (rather less than more - please!!!! or I will be giving birth to a monster). I have been feeling like shit otherwise and I really am hoping that its just because of the flu and it will pass as I still have a lot of odds and ends I need to finish off and just can't face them. My last day at work was on Thursday last week and all I've been doing since then is sleeping during the day and suffering from insomnia at night due to a very sore throat that is just not getting better. Yesterday and today I dragged myself out of bed to go for my beauty treatments and on my return at around 12 noon I hit the sack and slept for a good 2 hours. I'm getting desperate to tie up loose ends in baby's room etc but just can't seem to face it. Oh well - my next gynae app. is on Friday and if Im not better then I am definately asking for antibiotics.

My sister and mom and all are arriving this weekend and staying in Durban so I really am looking forward to that. Hopefully she can come to the south coast and see baby's room but we will definately make a plan to drive the 1.5hrs to durbs to spend the day with them. I can't wait - I really miss my family right now. I am also excited because she will be bringing her beautiful cot for baby as well and then finally, after the weekend I can post pictures of the completed room.

Forgive me if this post has been all over the place but I'm in bed with the TV on and a headache - a little hard to concentrate. Hopefully I get my Mojo back very soon as somebody's going to need a healthy mommy in two weeks time ...!

Blaahh!!

2009-06-17T23:16:00.001-07:00

Okay so I've been feeling absolutely crappy these last few days due to the flu bug. This is not an update as such since today is my last day of work and I have a lot of stuff to finish up ... well that and the fact that I am in no mood to blog today due to waking up at 3:30am this morning with a sinus pain from hell, nothing to put in it and therefore remaining awake until the alarm went off at 6am this morning. So to say I'm running on empty is the understatement of the year.

I would, however like to say one thing. Tammi and hubby congratulations on your absolutely adorable little girl Caitlin True - I am amazed at how much she looks like mommy which was something we could even see in the last 3D. I have never seen a 3D where the resemblance is THAT clear. May this tiny little being bring you much joy and happiness in the years to come my friend xoxo

Belly Question

2009-06-12T01:02:00.000-07:00

Okay so I've been comparing my belly this week to last week and based on mine and a few other opinions - it definately looks a lot more round - dr said yesterday that baby's head was semi-engaged and its amazing the difference it makes to the shape of the tummy - unless of course he did the final drop before this picture.

Below the first pic is my 34 week belly and the second was taken yesterday at 35 weeks: [click to enlarge]

It's official!!! I'm carrying a little Buddha

2009-06-11T03:17:00.000-07:00

Okay so this morning I get a call from my dr. asking if I can come in for a check-up at short notice because there is a new 3D / 4D scanner doing the rounds in town and between the local dr's they each get to try it out for a week or so before committing to buying it. Dr. is trying to book all his patients in this week so we can all get a turn on it. I was lucky number 1 and considering he didn't really know how to work the thing I really got some clear shots.
At one point, however, my blood pressure took a dive and he had to quickly put me on my left side before I passed out. My skin was completely wet and I could hardly hear the conversation in the room. But after coming right we got straight back to work. Another good thing is that baby's head is semi-engaged - yay!!!! Min dae!!

Unfortunately I only have two because dr was so confused with how the machine worked and I had a splitting headache from the dips in my blood pressure so just wanted to get up.
Here are the pics:

Thought for the Day

2009-06-10T03:49:00.001-07:00

I thought this was f'ing hilarious maaan

Click to enlarge

29 Days - the countdown begins

2009-06-08T22:51:00.000-07:00

Let me start with my check-up on Friday. All went well and baby is growing like an absolute champ ... it appears that due to my healthy placenta and appetite my body naturally grows 'em rather large. He was weighing in at a whopping 2.7kg's at 34 weeks and after calculating that since the previous app. he had put on approx. 230g per week - I have estimated his birth weight to be in the region of about 3.7kg's. This I can deal with because Morgan weighed 3.6kg's at birth and for me was a perfect size. We noticed a lot of vernix floating around in the water ... a sure sign that baby is gearing up for birth so I was pretty pleased about that. Dr also mentioned that he went to a conference and they were shown a new state-of-the-art 4D scanner that he is considering buying. So each gynae in our area gets the use of the machine for a week to see if they like it. He took down names of patients that were interested in having a 4D done (including mine) and said his receptionist would contact us with a time to come in that week and have a free scan done. Yippee!! So I DO get to see baby one more time.

I am really starting to feel the effects of being in the late 3rd trimester and have found myself crying on three different occassions for really stupid reasons. We went shopping on Sunday to buy Morgan's birthday present and I kept feeling pins and needles in my legs and had to hold onto shelves for support before I passed out. It felt as if there was not enough oxygen going to my legs and in turn to my head so obviously baby was lying on a nerve or even better ... he has dropped? When we got home I went and lay down on the bed and hubby took over the cooking of a beautiful lunch of lamb shanks (he used a recipe in Jamie Oliver's cookbook), with roast potatoes and lots of vegetables .... and get this ... he didn't ask me ONCE to help him even though he is still getting over his nose op from last Wednesday and at the time of cooking had a splitting headache as he needed to do a drain of the sinisus again. Anyway I was very grateful for this selfless act and after lunch we both climbed into bed and he fell promptly asleep. Later I made a nice chocolate cake for Morgan to wake up to on Monday morning - and I just left him to chill and flick through sports channels. 7:30pm we had tea and chocolate cake with fudge icing yummmmmyyy!!!

Yesterday was Morgan's birthday but she had already received the clothes we bought for her and the doll - which I bought on Saturday. This doll has such realistic facial expressions and cries when you remove the dummy and when you put it back it makes sucking noises and the eyes close and open until it falls asleep, at which point the stomach moves up and down and it breathes peacefully.... very cool. I thought it would be appropriate because she has taken to playing dolls again now that the thought of having a baby in the house has become a reality to her. DH bought her a (wait for it) ... game of chess????? [insert confused expression here] - I told him he was crazy cause IMO that was the most boring game on earth and he said he used to enjoy it and would teach her how to play ... hmmm [watch this space] - we took her to spur last night and she got the usual birthday song sung to her by tired staff that look like they've done this once too many times - but she enjoyed her day all in all and mommy managed to put her own aches and pains on hold for her special little girl.
The killer is still coming up on Saturday - her birthday party which is at the house and she has about 10 friends coming. I woke up at 4:30am this morning and was doing lists in my head of what I still need to do etc. I have ordered the jumping castle but still need to order the cake, sweets, adults food - HELP!!! Any ideas on easy snacks would be most welcome... All I want is for her party to be a great success and then for it to be over so that my last (work) hurdle has been crossed. Well the last official hurdle will be 19 June which is my last day of work - OMG I can't wait to just park off with my feet up all day - bliss!!!

I need to get something off my chest and not too sure how to put into words so if I sound at all like I do not appreciate this pregnancy with every ounce of my being then please be assured that this is definately not the case. I have spent 35 weeks waiting to get to this point now - where I can actually see the finish line. Happy and a little envious when friends (online and others) have crossed over and met their little bundles already ... wishing it was me, willing the weeks to fly by. Well.... here I sit - 35 weeks pregnant (with number 3 no less) and suddenly ... I'm not so sure I want it yet!!! I'm not ready!! I'm shitting myself here!! I've suddenly hit a downer and through glimmers of excitement, fear is the overriding force right now. Why am I feeling like this?? What is wrong with me?? Does this make me a bad mother to my little boy? Am I sinking into a bit of depression or is it just natural towards the end to suddenly question what the hell you are doing and what made you think you wanted to do this? Honestly? right now the impending arrival of this baby has got me so worked up and I just wonder if I am good enough to be a super-mom to all three of them. Either way this baby is coming and I need to pull myself together and do what mom's do best .... just try to be a great mom by doing what comes naturally and the rest will hopefully fall in place.

Morgan Jade - A birth story

2009-06-02T02:22:00.000-07:00

Before I start on the birth I wanted to post a picture of my belly then and now:

Then at 36wks

Now at 34wks

I decided since I have been looking at my daughter's birth photo's a lot lately that I would do a post on her birthday. I was booked in for a c/s on Monday 9 June 2003 but found myself being extremely emotional the weekend before this date and shortly after lunch on Sunday afternoon I started getting labour-type cramps. I was, of course, busy blow-drying my hair and doing some last minute make-overs so absolutely refused to believe that this was in fact it. I remember telling my husband I would not go to the hospital as I wanted to look good for the photo's and I continued blow-drying my hair. Needless to say I had to keep stopping the hairdryer and doubling over in pain until the contraction passed. Hubby was by this stage, pacing up and down the room and telling me to call the midwife - which I decided at that point it was best to do. Straight to the hospital she advised - you are in labour and we need to get you prepped for your c/s. So off we went nervous as all hell and the pain gradually getting so bad that by the time I was in the hospital bed with the monitors on me I could not communicate at all through the contraction.

They had a fine time trying to get the spinal block done since my contractions were by that stage coming so close they would just get ready to put the needle in and I would have to tell them I was having another contraction.
It all worked out in the end but both hubby and I were so damn nervous God only knows how he managed to take the photo's that he did.

Below are a few pictures of the birth and one or two of her a few weeks afterwards.

Winnie the Pooh theme

Her Head is born

First big cry

Bless this little face!!!!

Wow - 3.6kg's!!

Mommy content and in love

Mom and Dad amazed at what we grew

Sucking her thumb

My heart is no longer my own ..

Sister Love

2009-06-01T00:57:00.000-07:00

Jahni inspired me to do a post about sister love. Not so much a post but pictures of our lives together .... amazing how deceiving these pictures are however - since we look blisfully happy.... but the minute mom's back was turned it was back to kicking, scratching, shouting - basically everything short of killing..

Still love you chez - you're my favourite sister in the whole world ;o)

I am the short one with the bloomers on show

I am the unfortunate one with the spider on her head

School days

Primary School play "The Wizzard of Oz" We were both good witches - I am in the blue

...and a fairly recent pic of the two of us enjoying a glass or 10 of wine.

While Im at it I feel the need to add a picture of me some years ago before falling pregnant with my youngest daughter .... and I often wonder to myself - will that ever be me again or have I simply reached my sell-by date?

40 Days!!!!! Or is it??

2009-05-29T00:10:00.000-07:00

40 days remaining - can you believe it. I am getting so anxious to meet this little guy .... and well aware of how his tiny little presence is going to turn our whole household on its head (in the nicest possible way of course).

I need to know one thing .... is it normal at this late stage to start worrying about things like Downs Syndrome? Sight? Hearing? Please tell me I am not losing my mind because I really am starting to worry that this is a bad omen of some sort. I need to hear that I am not the only one for which this feeling intensifies as the birth draws nearer and I simply cannot remember when I was pregnant with Morgan. I wish I had a guarantee that everything is going to be 100% but I guess that is just something I have to wait for. The good thing is this - when I went to see the midwife yesterday and she was listening to baby's heartbeat with the doppler, she told me his hearing is fine because when he heard his heartbeat on the doppler - his own heartbeat sped up.

Onto other matters now .... I went to above Midwife yesterday with every intention of having my fundul height measured manually (with a measuring tape) just for my own peace of mind since there is a discrepancy with the dr's dates and with my dates.
Let me explain that the dr. is going by the very first scan (which, I might add, he rushed through) and refuses to take any of the growth scans into consideration. I have had three other scans by three different technicians through the course of the pregnancy and all their dates match mine. This makes my due date 14 July and the dr. has only booked my c/s for 9 July which means we may have history repeating itself with me going into labour afterhours before the scheduled c/s and various dr's being called in from home - or worse, a different dr performing my c/s.

I am trying not to stress too much but from someone who lived in Jhb my whole life and surrounded by very good hospitals and dr's (had Morgan with Dr. Cameron at Morningside Clinic and LOVED the experience!!!!) I guess this whole small town fear is just very real to me. I mean if anything should go wrong then Durban is the closest place at 1.5 hours drive???
Sorry - last minute nerves kicking in. Ya think???

Trick here is for me to relax as much as possible even though I am DYING to meet my little sunshine earlier than I thought.

P.S (My sister is coming to the coast the last weekend in June with a whole bunch of baby stuff incl. cot, mobile bath and lots of other bits and pieces - wouldn't it be brilliant timing if baby decides to come that weekend too?? I could think of no greater gift) :o))

Update on Dad.....

2009-05-27T23:21:00.000-07:00

Well I spoke to my mom last night and this morning and although she tried to explain everything to me her medical terminology is not great so will try as best I can to update with what I know.

My mom was thankfully allowed in while my dad had all sorts of tests done yesterday including an ECG. The dr. showed my mom the heartbeat would beat normally and then stop repeatedly. He also did a sonar of the arteries in the neck and the left side seems to be partially obstructed with fatty tissue, although dr's words to my mother were that in my dad's case it was not severe. He showed my mom the difference in the left and right arteries in the neck and she could see the lumps on the left side, which obviously interfere with bloodflow. He also put my dad on the treadmill but since my dad was so out of breath he could only manage 2 minutes - dr. wants him on for longer in order to do a more accurate assessment so he will possibly do a repeat today. After the tests my dad was put into ICU and was told that today there will be a lot more testing done and they would perhaps look at shocking the heart.
As things stand now I am not sure when he will be released but the earliest will be tomorrow if all goes well.

Once again I ask that you keep him in your prayers - I know that he is in excellent hands with this dr but the rest is up to God.

Thank you to all of you for your offers of help, kind words and well-wishes ... it brings tears to my eyes what an amazing group of girls I have met.

11:30am UPDATE:
Seems things are a little more complicated than we thought. The drip in my dad's arm has burst so they had to cut into his groin (6 stitches) and insert the drip there. There is a cocktail of medicine in the drip to break down the clots but the dr. told my mom that the medicine he tried is not working so he has to go onto plan B and try something else. Damn it sucks being 7 hours away - I just wish I could be there for him :o(

It also seems that my dad has both supraventricular and ventricular arrhythmias which means that both the upper and lower chambers are affected.

Praying for Dad

2009-05-27T00:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my dad with diagnosed with Arrhythmia while undergoing a standard medical exam for chronic benefits. The dr. was concerned enough to tell him that he needs to get to Jhb asap to a heart specialist for further testing. They live in Piet Ritief which is a good 3.5 hours out of Jhb and my sister and brother-in-law (who live in Jhb) insisted on fetching them (pretty heavy going for them) but they did not want to hear of my father driving all the way. They all arrived back safely in Jhb at 9pm last night.
Anyway my sister got hold of a good specialist at Carstenhof clinic who will be admitting my dad today at 2pm. Until then I will not have more news but I am confident that all is well after speaking to some lovely ladies on OPM.

Please keep us in your prayers and I will update just as soon as I have more information.

xoxo

33 Weeks today!!

2009-05-25T23:34:00.000-07:00

Wow - who would have ever thought I would reach this point so soon. Over the last few days its dawned on me and suddenly I will just stop in my tracks and pure terror will wash over me at the thought of the actual birth and life thereafter.
Will my c/s go according to plan or will I end up being a statistic?
Will my baby be "normal" and will he be able to see and hear?
Will he have colic?
Will I be able to breastfeed?
Will he like me?
Will I find a nice name (something I am nowhere near doing)?
Will I last until the actual c/s date? I have the same gut instinct that I did with my daughters that this baby will not wait until then - will I make it to the hospital in time or go into labour and be faced with a home VBAC??
Will his room be finished in time?

HOLY CRAP - Im a mess aren't I??? And now I have a splitting headache.

Apart from all those questions plaguing me I am still sleeping very well at night - except for the frequent bathroom trips. For the last few years I have had such interrupted sleeps and once woken cannot go back to sleep easily at all. I suddenly find myself returning from the toilet and sleeping soundly the minute my head hits the pillow. I'm loving it!!! I'm relishing it!! because I know in a few short weeks baby will be making his tiny little presence felt throughout the house at all hours of the morning. Bless him! - as much as it all terrifies me I feel like a kid before christmas - I know my present is under the tree and I WANT IT NOW - I can't wait to meet you little man .... just please promise me that you will not give me any unexpected surprises until your room and everything else is ready for you...

Bad Mood Rising!!

2009-05-22T00:12:00.000-07:00

Okay to start off, my mood is extremely grouchy today and I can't quite place my finger on why but I certainly will try.

1. Fkng pissed off that Adam did not win Idols last night which actually caused me to have nightmares - I mean WTF?? Surely he had a much bigger following than Kris?? First contribution to bad morning mood.

2. DH normally makes me breakfast every morning or never fails to ask what I want for breakfast which I know is very nice of him but shit I make him supper every night so its fair (and he's ready long before I am). He knows that on a Monday and Friday morning I am rushed because we have a briefing session on these days at 7:45am so I have to get to work a little earlier than normal. Well I walk into the kitchen today and no husband - so look in the lounge and find him with his feet up on the table, having just finished a bowl of chocolate flavoured oat-so-easy. My breakfast? nowhere in sight. Now Im running late and still have to do Morgan's hair and make sure she brushes her teeth etc. and only then can I worry about my make-up and blow drying my hair. So I become somewhat unreasonable and when he realises Im pissed off he quickly offers to make me breakfast and I refuse his help and tell him I don't want second hand offers thanks I'll rather do it myself. I then call my teen daughter in front of him and ask her to please grate some cheese onto toast for me while I continue getting ready - of course this pisses him off a little which was clearly my intention. Needless to say he left for work without saying goodbye to me. Second contribution to bad morning mood.

3. My sunglasses broke yesterday and I have such a problem driving in the morning sun without sunglasses on. I have a new pair I have not yet worn that were still in the case. This case was left in the kitchen after I bought them a month ago and I hadn't touched them since. So on top of my stormy mood this morning I start searching for the elusive sunglasses and ask my maid where she put them (probably that bottomless pit that we have in our house where everything falls into you know the one?). She can't remember where they are, I start running late, so I just storm out the house and once in the car put on my glasses with one arm missing - looking like a complete hillbilly!! Third contribution to bad morning mood.

4. Get to work - stormy cloud now a gloomy drizzle over my head as I grit my teeth through my boss asking for a fucking cup of tea before I have even managed to unlock my office door!!!!! Fourth contribution to bad morning mood.

5. Cherry on top? Having to sit through this briefing session acting like I really wanted to be around these annoying people that were all in such a good mood. One woman in particular who had a serious case of verbal diarrhoea and thought we all got an immense amount of pleasure hearing about how someone in her house vomited up all their rice during the night and that she had never seen this much rice in her life. yea yea yea alright already - now can we please finish this pointless fucking meeting so I can go crawl into my own hole and wallow in self-pity. Not to be sadly because said woman and colleague decided to bring their smiley faces to my office door after the meeting and have a good ol' chat about my pregnancy. Hmmm .... breaking a smile felt like I was chipping through concrete but of course I managed (ever the professional) - I mean Im not that much of a bitch even though some really evil thoughts were going through my mind at the time...

[Insert DEEEEP breath here]

I feel sooooooo much better now - see? Its out now but I can say this. All of the above were just triggers to a much bigger picture. I guess you could say I am just having a totally self-centred, ungrateful, pregnancy induced bad day and I refuse to apologise for it - not yet anyway.
This waking up in the morning when it is still dark is getting to me so much lately. I find it harder and harder to see the humour in the fact that I get up in the dark, back up this truck size body into a bath, hoping against hope that I don't slip and flood the bathroom or worse (nevermind the torture of lying down to wash my hair). Then putting on make-up and blow drying hair when all I want to do is go to work for once without having to go through the pain of looking decent. The best part? Getting dressed in one of three remaining outfits that still fits me [note that weekend and work wardrobe are now one and the same as I refuse to spend any more money on maternity clothes - besides the fact that I would probably have to go to a parachute shop] "No thanks, no need to cut to size - I'll take the whole chute - that should fit"

Yea yea ..... build a bridge and get over it you might be saying and in all honesty I agree completely since this is not like me at all but please give me one day to act like a spoilt brat - thats all I ask. I guess it also just dawned on me yesterday when I got my maternity leave form signed, that I still have another month of this torturous routine before my leave on 25 June. Of course by Monday I'll be fine again since a new week has begun and shall soon be behind me.... roll on July

Just a quickie

2009-05-20T04:50:00.000-07:00

Before I get started - ONLY 49 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT

Okay first of all my three packages arrived yesterday from England - from hubby's aunt and cousins. One for each of my girls and and nice fat one for baby. OMW!!! What beautiful quality outfits. They really sent such cute little things! He got five little outfits in total - two beautiful blue blankies/spoeg doeks and lots of very cute brightly coloured socks.
I will post a pic tomorrow. There is apparently another parcel arriving any day now for baby as well but I have been told it is for after he is born - hehehe - think I can wait? doop-de-doop....

Sunday hubby put the shelves up in baby's room and I'm really happy with the result. See below:

Onto more good news - I had the finger prick test done today at the clinic in the pharmacy and she decided to just do the pee stick at the same time. There was zero trace of sugar in my urine and my sugar level was 4.1 after not eating or drinking for 2 hours. I called the dr. and told his assistant and she spoke to him and called me back to say that he was happy with that but I must just be a little more careful with my diet. I am so relieved its nothing to worry about.

Its hometime now - Yippee .... til next time

Celebrations and Concerns

2009-05-19T01:26:00.000-07:00

Celebrations:

Firstly I had my baby shower on Saturday and it was wonderful - all of my friends came to celebrate and even some ladies from work which I was not expecting. I did miss having family there and I am still getting a nice parcel from an Aunt in England, my sister and my mom so this baby really is going to be spoilt...

Here are the pics:

My cute chocolate cake

Big white tummy

My wonderful buddies

Wet icing sugar and smarties (no wonder there was glucose in my urine at dr. yesterday)

In the picture below I forgot to add all the nappies I got and a few more odds and ends but this is a large part of the stuff

Concerns:
So yesterday I went for my monthly check-up and was told by dr. that I have lots of glucose in my urine. I had to sit through a 10 minute speech on how bad sugar is for baby as hubby ratted on me and told him that I drink lots of coke and eat lots of chocolate. He was not happy at all and now wants me to do that 2 hour glucose test to make sure there is no need for concern. Basically I have to wait until he gets his machine back from another dr's house and then we can do it so I fail to see that there is any kind of urgency on his side or he would have sent me elsewhere to get it done sooner rather than later. The last thing I need right now is gestational diabetes so although I know this particular dr. gets very excitable about weight gain and now this sugar intake I have decided to rather heed his advice and put my coke and chocolate addiction to bed (boo hooo).
We did the scan thereafter and baby looks very healthy - he was actually sleeping which is a first when I go for scans as he is normally wide awake and jumping all over the place. Dr showed us his lens though and it was moving furiously which we were told was rapid eye movement. Cute little man was obviously dreaming as his arm was twitching as well - God only knows what there could possibly be to dream about when your world consists of a couple of fingers, toes and a cord in a dark water-filled room.
He is weighing 2kg's according to dr's measurements and once again I was told that he is slightly overweight which could be due to my sugar problem, and he should be around 1.8kg's. Now the problem with that is this.. I know for a fact this dr. has my dates a little behind what they should be and even though every scan I go to proves that I am right on 32 weeks he still insists on going by the very first scan he did which says I'm around 30wks. This would mean that I ovulated almost a month after my LMP?? No chance in hell thats even possible. The funny thing is that with both my girls I felt the dr's dates were wrong and I had myself 2 weeks further along - well guess what? they both came two weeks earlier, on my predicted dates as opposed to the dr's. This brings me onto my next concern - the c/s date is 9 July but according to me my due date is 14 July - which means I could go into labour before my c/s date just like I did with my daughter due to incorrect dates. Hey not that Im complaining but I have told the dr. that this is a possibility and he better make sure he is in town around that time and available 24-7....!

As far as the weight gain goes - I have, thusfar picked up 14kg's which I admit, is a little more than I anticipated since I still have just short of two months left. Thank God I do not get weighed at the dr. cause he would have me feeling really bad about that too. My attitude? Que Sera Sera (Whatever will be, will be)

No Balls No Testosterone?

2009-05-15T01:36:00.000-07:00

Before I start I must state that I am not a fan AT ALL of dogs being in my house as I can't stand the distinct dog smell that they leave. Big outside dogs can stay outside except on weekends when we are around the house inside and outside and the doors are open. I make exceptions for small dogs like my beloved yorkie of course ... and then there is Oscar the kind've inside kind've outside dog.....

Yesterday mommy took Oscar for the chop ... poor little thing. I must say hubby was a little devestated at the prospect but I guess that's just a man thing as they tend to put themselves in doggy's testosterone-filled boots. In fact - for a while there hubby started giving me side-long nervous glances hehehe.

Well the problem has been this - Oscar is just starting to come into his own at nearly a year old and I have been having such hassles with him peeing ALL over the house and I mean AAALLL over!! His favourite place? Up against our toilets. Damn! Now Im sorry but a pregnant, nesting woman and dog piss all over the house do not go well together (and I might add that three weeks ago he lifted his leg on baby's brand new car chair). That was the last straw. Apart from the fact that he started cowering for me because of all the times I rubbed his nose in the pee, gave him a smack then booted his cheeky little ass outside. Well after the pee on the baby chair he was no longer welcome in the house, not even for a 5 minute hello session because the minute he got inside he went about marking his territory - including on my daughter's school bag! Winter is upon us and although it is not cold on the KZN coastline hubby did not want his precious dog sleeping outside at night so this started causing bitter fights between us... Yes ... over a dog!!!
I decided to grab the bull by the "balls" and book him for a chop because I was simply not winning this battle of me wanting him outside and hubby wanting him inside.
I collected him yesterday afternoon and poor Oscar looked ever so forlorn and very drowsy. I have bought "Get-Off" spray as well since I know its still a good six weeks before the last of the testosterone works its way out his body. He slept inside last night of course because we all felt very sorry for him but next thing I know hubby has him up on our bed. I just can't win!! I explained to hubby that we need to enforce these rules before baby comes or he will see baby as the enemy. He is not gentle when jumping on the kids or on the bed and what if baby is lying on the bed with us and Oscar jumps up on him and hurts him???? Well I won and he was immediately removed.

The good news is that I sprayed that "Get Off" spray around both toilets and when hubby saw him walking into our toilet (obviously to his usual pee spot) he spied on him from the doorway and witnessed Oscar smelling around for somewhere to wee and when encountering the very strong Citronella smell, shaking his head and backing the hell away. hehehe ... Sorry but sometimes we just have to be cruel to be kind.

Nausea rearing its ugly head again

2009-05-14T01:30:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted much on the nausea but I have definately noticed in the last 2 weeks that it seems to coming back. Its not the same kind as the first trimester nausea but its by no means pleasant. I am starting to have an aversion to certain types of food again and I mean rich foods and most especially cheese. I had a cheese roll this morning and now Im really feeling like I could just throw up. With the nausea I suddenly seem to have become very loose in my joints and feel like I've been doing leg exercises at the gym. My inner thighs are starting to ache when I get up from a sitting position and my lower back also feels tender ... like its just loosened up a lot (if that makes any sense). Coke which has become a total addiction throughout this pregnancy is suddenly leaving a very metalic taste in my mouth as is my next favourite - coffee (decaf). Yesterday I had a piece of dry wors at work at about 12 noon and it made me feel so sick that I didn't eat again. When I dished up dinner for hubby and kids he asked me why I'm not eating and I told him I was not hungry and would eat later. When he returned at 8:30pm from his meeting he asked me if I had eaten and I had still not - which trust me... for me is veeery surprising. I was still awake at 9:30pm and started getting the beginnings of a grumbly stomach so decided to dish up a very small helping of macaronni (avoiding the cheese of course).

I just don't know if this is how it was at the end with Morgan because I didn't keep any record. My multi-vitamins ran out two days ago and I replaced them this morning so I was wondering if it was because of that but I seriously doubt two days can make that much difference.

I guess what Im looking for here is that its all related to something, anything EXCEPT normal third trimester symptoms... please !!! somebody tell me its temporary - I can't bear the thought of feeling like this for another 7 weeks!! My poor family!!

Just a quick note too that I am experiencing so many contractions as of late. Painless but the hardening does stop me in my tracks and send me straight to the loo as it seems to have an immediate effect on my bladder. This is most embarrassing when I am walking through the casino in front of all the guests and can't just stop and wait it out - no I have to put on a smile like a good employee and walk like there is nothing to it....

Fairweather Friends

2009-05-12T23:11:00.000-07:00

So as you know my stork party is coming up this weekned and I'm anxious and excited about it all at the same time. You know how silly pregnancy can make one - sleepless nights wondering if anyone will pitch up etc.

Well I am sure I have mentioned somewhere in earlier posts that my hubby and I have these friends - a couple that we spent a large part of our time with pre-pregnancy - and I mean every weekend kind of scenario. This to the point that I would not spend enough quality time with other friends - who, I might add are all 100% there for me, excited for me and most supportive even though I sometimes feel like I don't deserve it.
Well this couple are both in their early 40's with teenage kids and their daughter and my daughter became very good friends which was ideal because we always went on holiday's together etc and everybody well.... basically just got along swimmingly.

I appear to have committed the biggest sin it seems, by falling pregnant because it just didn't fit in with our constant partying, drinking and having fun. Right from day one of her finding out about the pregnancy she has been everything but supportive. When hubby and I were going through all our shit she never came to the rescue but instead sat at the pub getting pissed with my hubby and hers having a big laugh at my expense because of how I used to fight with him about this. Granted, it took him a while to adjust to me being pregnant and although I do not excuse his earlier behaviour I have come to understand where it came from. The pressure was still on him by those people to go out and carry on every weekend as if this pregnancy was nothing more than a minor irritation - he found it very difficult to say no to friends but very easy to say no to family (big mistake). I stopped wanting to go sit in a pub watching other people get trashed, skinder shamelessly and become, in my opinion, an embarrassment to be around. Yes I know I was right up there with them but nobody seemed to understand that with this pregnancy came a big wake up call for me and opened up so many questions about my life and how I was living it. I realised that this was exactly what I needed and wanted to change the way we were living our lives and that perhaps subconciously I had started a mourning process over not falling pregnant all these years and believing that I would never get the joy of that experience again.
I have had many a moment during this pregnancy where I have cried like a little baby on the phone to her about my hubby going out drinking all the time (hoping and praying that her and her husband would stop encouraging it so much) and although she seemed in full agreement with me I have since found out that she got great pleasure in me laying my cards on the table and would go and share my marrital woes with other people that I would never have told myself - possibly as a means to make her marriage seem solid? Isn't that why people do this?

I took the girls away for Easter weekend and as you know I left hubby at home because I was so over all his shit I actually had plans to have him move out the house on my return. Well the weekend after that he was invited to the Mighty Men Conference and I just cannot believe the positive changes I have seen in him. It just seemed to give him the push he needed and he has realised that his family come first and that this baby is a very important part of our lives. He cannot believe how he was pulled into that web and cant do enough for me now. He has also seen through those friends of ours and finally admits to me that I was right about them all along.

As for her? Well I really thought she would be organising my stork party since we had been thick as theives but when time started running out and other friends were asking me who is organising it I realised that I had wasted so much precious time on a person that was possibly THE most self-centred person I had come across. The cherry on the top of all of this?.... My other very good friend who is organising the stork party got a call from her the other day to say that she will not be able to make it because... wait for it - her son is in town and her husband is taking him out biking for the day and she wants to go with. WTF???????? Let me just expalin that he goes to boarding school 3 hours away but comes home almost every second weekend .... what happens when he's home? He does his own thing while mom sits in the pub all day getting trashed.... is that spending time with him? Now suddenly on the day of my fucking stork party she wants to go biking when she doesn't even ride??????????
That was it - the last nail in the coffin of our friendship. Confront her with this you may be saying but no I cannot do that because she will take what I say to other people and make me to sound like a petty needy person which I am not. Quite frankly the last thing I want is for her to think I give a damn. My hubby was also shocked that she couldn't be bothered to pitch up to what I consider to be one of the most important days of my life especially considering that she was well aware of the heartache I went through for 5 years trying for this pregnancy.

Conclusion? Well I decided that since everybody in this small town knows how close we were and those that are coming to the stork party would wonder why the hell she had absolutely nothing to do with organising such a special day. I think its her guilt and I can only say that I am so happy that she is now a part of my history ... I have learnt a very hard lesson about friendships through this pregnancy and those I thought least likely to come through for me have come through in so many more ways than I could have ever asked for.

Normally I am outspoken to the point of being blunt but in this instance my best line of defense?
Smile and wave Irene .... just smile and wave

Happy Anniversary

2009-05-11T23:03:00.001-07:00

Its my 6th year anniversary today - together 7 years. I can't actually believe its been 7 years already. Tonight hubby had a meeting at the ski-boat club (as he does every Tuesday) to discuss the upcoming deep sea fishing competition since he is the Treasurer and I told him in no uncertain terms that he will have to excuse himself as he is taking me out to dinner. Not that he minded at all ..... since it seems all our problems have been resolved and he has become the model husband. I'm very pleased with the change as its one less thing to stress about.

P.S I went out yesterday afternoon and bought a small suitcase on wheels which will become mine and baby's hospital bag .... this all because I could not sleep the night before worrying about the bag - now I have it and although its empty I just feel so much better knowing its there - yes you may say it ... I'm weird hehehehe

Happy Mothers Day

2009-05-10T23:21:00.000-07:00

A very happy mother's day to all mother's out there!! I am sad I did not get to spend the day with my mother but unfortunately she just stays too far :o(.

I was woken yesterday with some nice skin care products, a "mom" trophy, coffee and breakfast in bed so it was wonderful - oh and my younger daughter went out with her grand-dad and picked me some wild flowers which were really beautiful. Then we all went out to lunch to a place called "the Treehouse" at a country lodge. Really beautiful because it was literally like we were sitting in a treehouse. All in all it really was nice family day that left me feeling all warm and fuzzy.

Regarding my previous post - yes it turns out my iron levels were low so dr. has put me on iron pills which I started on Friday and I must say I already feel an improvement.

Baby seems to have suddenly grown again as I have noticed over the last week, along with the kicks I am now getting definate body parts protruding out and because its still a new thing I get so excited and immediately put my hand there and rub whatever body part it may be. I find that sometimes when I lie on my side he kicks the bed or tickles me so hard that I jump and burst out laughing. Well hubby thinks I've lost the plot but I told him to try imagine getting your ribs tickled from the inside. I'm so in love with this little boy and often find myself grinning stupidly while rubbing my tummy whenever I feel him moving around in there. I can't wait for my appointment on Monday next week so I firstly see him again and secondly figure out which way he's lying which will give me more of an idea of what body parts the lumps are. I am assuming that by then (32 weeks) he may have settled into the position he will stay in until the end.

I am really battling with sleepless nights now and sometimes wake up in a sweat because of this constant worry of not having the room organised. I am even starting to worry about my hospital bag not being packed and that there is still stuff I need to buy for myself to put in the bag - in fact I need to buy the bag itself since I have no decent kit bags. Baby's bag I also need to buy but I'm really looking for one that can be worn as a backpack and I won't just settle for anything.

My stork party is also coming up on Saturday and can you believe I am having horrible dreams that nobody rocks up!! I'm such a control freak that I have even gone ahead and chosen / ordered my own cake because I am worried a cake will not be organised. I am paying for the platters of food myself and want to know exactly what is going onto the platters etc. I do have a very good friend who is taking care of it all but I just can't help sticking my nose in!! I am very sorry, however, that my family will not be here as this will be the first baby I am having without family around and its hard. My sister is due to come in the next few weeks and I only wish that it was the weekend of my stork party so I can brag about my little nephew who is absolutely adorable. I know .... take a deep breath and relax - everything will fall into place but honestly - Have you ever known a pregnant woman who does not stress on details such as these - ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ARE ONLY 8 WEEKS LEFT??? HOLY CRAP!@!!!!!!!!

WTF has hit me?

2009-05-07T03:32:00.000-07:00

Okay so here I was bragging so much about how good this little boy is to his mamma and suddenly the 3rd trimester blues hits me with a curve ball. Yesterday morning my alarm went off and I couldn't for the life of me, move my body from the bed. Hubby was in the bath with Morgan - washing her hair etc etc and I was just lying there feeling like an anesthetised elephant. Body so heavy and sore and all I wanted to do was sleep. I dragged myself out of bed, felt horribly nauseous, slowly and steadily lowered myself into the bath [picture a truck backing up], lay back and stayed there ... just could not move - completely lame. Then it dawned on me .... I don't have to go to work if I'm feeling like this surely? I mean I have a boss who is an absolute darling - especially considering he's a man. So instead of cleaning my body I climbed back out the bath still wearing yesterday's make-up - put pj's back on and climbed back under the covers - getting up only once more to plait daughter's hair. After the usual morning rush for school, suddenly ... silence. Bliss!!!! I made a toasted sandwich and flicked through countless channels before feeling too sleepy so decided to have a quick catnap. Well so much for that - I checked my watch upon waking and it was 12:30pm!!!! Oh crap! time to get up again, have a proper bath, get a couple of groceries, pick up kids from school etc etc. and through it all I was not feeling much better at all but this morning I started feeling a little more like myself.
In saying that - I sit here now at 12:40pm and feel like dogshit again - my mind is a blur and all I want to do is sleep. My body is starting to feel heavy and lame again. What gives???

At my last gynae app. I told him I thought my iron levels were low so he ordered a haemoglobin test and said he would call if there was a problem. well I never got the call but can't help feeling that there is in fact a problem with my iron levels. I'll wait it out the next few days and see if there is an improvement otherwise I'll put in a call. I just don't like feeling shitty like this cause it makes for one MOTHER F GRUMPY pregnant woman and I HATE being moody with my family - my kids deserve better and my husband? ....well he just takes it personally which ends up just making me more damn tired!!!

UPDATE** Okay just called dr's rooms and asked her to give me the results of the haemoglobin test - she said they had come back on the low side and I told her I had another "episode" yesterday and today feeling really crappy. Dr will call me just now - she said he will more than likely up my vitamin dose.. Anything to make me feel better although I must say I'm a little peeved at having to wipe their asses to get my results!!

30 Weeks Today!!

2009-05-04T03:33:00.000-07:00

Wow! It feels like just yesterday when we were all sitting at the diningroom table for dinner and I presented my husband with the (very quickly made) card above. The confusion on his face was classic actually - I even remember that I had made a very nice macaroni cheese for dinner even though I wanted to vomit every 5 minutes while preparing it. [I deserve cudo's for that one]. I had found out the day before that I was pregnant, after refusing to believe it for a few weeks and blaming it on a stomach bug. The reason for this was because we had tried so long (5 years to be exact - with one blighted ovum to boot) and lots of doctor's visits, lots of poking and prodding, clomid, injects, HSG's, sperm analysis, bloods, bloods and more bloods ... well you get the picture.
It seems the best medicine known to man is to just ... well... give up! make peace that its not on the cards for you .... which I did - about 4 months prior. DH was not happy at all but I told him I was tired of putting my life on hold for something that was clearly not in God's plan for us. I wanted my life back, I wanted my body back - I wanted to remember how it felt to just .... LIVE!! I was sick and tired of bleeding like a slaughtered pig every say .... 50 days or so - with PMS symptoms for a good 2 weeks leading up to the arrival of that bitch Aunt Flo.... sooooo - I decided mid-cycle to start the pill (yes - mid-cycle as I was too impatient to wait for AF to rear her ugly head). Turns out all my PMS symptoms, heartburn (which I put down to the 4 glasses of wine consumed the night before), nausea (put down to a bad stomach bug which was in fact going around at the time) and absolute exhaustion (again a nasty side-effect of this new strain of stomach bug) were something that everybody else but me could see for what they were - yes ... early pregnancy symptoms. Yep - pretty damn clueless you must think but damn - after trying for so long with so many disappointments who could blame me?

When I eventually went to see a dr. about this "stomach bug" and decided to just stop at the pharmacy and pick up a test on the way (not believing for one minute it would be positive) - peeing on the stick and to my utter shock the line coming up so much darker than the control line.... yep - I remember all too well - the mixed emotions on those first few days. I refused to tell DH when I first found out and don't even ask me how I managed that but I did. The whole blighted ovum experience came flooding back and I refused to believe it until I saw tangible proof. The dr. took my bloods which I would have the results for the following day and I managed to get in to see a GP the following day, who had a very basic sonar machine in his rooms - there was my proof and to put into words the emotions I felt when I saw my little bean with a beating heart would be completely impossible. It was determined that I was 8 weeks along and had gone on the pill at 5 weeks pregnant. No harm done I was told and this is often a mistake that women have made.
I couldn't wait for DH to get home so I could share the news .... notice the card is blue - I just knew in my heart I was carrying the little boy we both so much longed for.

So here I sit 30 weeks pregnant and wondering where the hell this whole pregnancy has gone to. I am so relieved I had the foresight to start this blog because even though I am still pregnant I am missing it already if that makes any sense. I am soo looking forward to meeting my little man but this journey has been absolutely amazing - this pregnancy, although at 38 years of age has been so incredibly good to me in comparison to my other two pregnancies which were full of complaints and I guess the wonder I feel at being given this chance just one more time has me waking up every day and counting my blessings - perhaps because I had to fight a good fight for this one? who knows. I guess what I'm saying is that, in a sense I have started mourning the loss of my life as a fertile woman, a baby maker, a new mother .... this will be my last and I have to say, its a bitter pill to swallow. It's a chapter in my life that I have to say goodbye to in order to begin the new chapter, the second half of my life.

Forgive me my nostalgic / melancholic state but this too shall pass ..... ;o)

We have Lift-off!!

2009-05-03T23:56:00.000-07:00

Well finally hubby helped me this weekend to put the border up around the room (the wooden bit) and I have to say I am so happy with how the room is coming on. Yes, its been a long slow road with lots of changes in paint colour etc but finally I feel I got it right and things are actually progressing. After we had both put the wood up and let it dry a little I FINALLY put up my beautiful little teddy bear border and I have to say I LOVE IT! The room is finally starting to look like a baby's room instead of a storeroom.

Last week my chest of drawers that I had made arrived and because I was so excited about it I wanted to take it home in my car (seats down) that very day instead of waiting until the next day which was the only time he could deliver. My maid and I really struggled to get it out the car because it was damn heavy - and then to push it right through the house to baby's room. Yes - "stupid" is the understatement of the year I guess because I was very sore around the stomach area that night and DH was quite pissed off with me (even though he really loved the drawers) ;o)

RIP sweet angel girl

2009-04-29T07:44:00.000-07:00

Today was a very hard day for me as DH and I had to put our gorgeous bulldog Sahara to sleep. She had such bad arthritis and a failing liver. I really tried - I took her to the vet last week and paid a small fortune to get tests done but was told her liver would soon start failing and pills were given to see if her last days could be improved. Sadly there was no change - she was no longer able to walk and even stopped eating - I tried spoon feeding her and kept her warm in the house but we had to eventually decide ... when is enough enough?

We kissed her goodbye at the vet and walked out before he injected her ... it was just too painful to watch. Needless to say I have been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster today.

May you find all the happiness and freedom from pain in doggy heaven that you so deserve my girl and remember that you will always be in our hearts - now you and Smudge can play together again.

Smudge - pls look after my bullie

Below my two furbaby angels - Smudge and Sahara

28 Week Belly

2009-04-28T00:04:00.000-07:00

Bellow is my latest belly pic at 28 weeks - I can definately see a difference in a month but I think the biggest surprise will come in my 30-40wk belly pics if I recall correctly with my last pregnancy.

Well we just had yet another long weekend and I must say I am starting to get used to it. I am suddenly finding it a lot more difficult to wake up in the mornings and find that my deep dream filled sleep has returned and hopefully the insomnia is a thing of the past (knock on wood). I must say I have so much fun with baby when I'm lying in bed at night because if I lie on my side I get the weirdest tickling sensation aagainst the bed that makes me laugh out loud. Weird because it is as if someone is tickling me from the inside!! Kaylah put her hand between my belly and the bed after it happened and it happened again and she couldn't believe how strange it felt - she said like a little bug worming its way around inside my tummy. Of course Morgan wanted in on the action too and she was just as freaked out by it.

I have found over the last two weeks I am feeling very uncomfortable when I lie in bed. When I am on my back watching tv I start getting very sore and breathless so turn on my side. I then start to get a very uncomfortable stitch in the side I am not lying on (possibly due to the curve of my spine?) - so I turn to the other side and before long I get a stitch on the opposite side again. It makes me worry a little since I still have just over two months left and I can't possibly imagine getting bigger. I am also suddenly a lot slower with getting in and out of bed now and find myself planning my steps before I take them so as to avoid falling flat on my face hehehe (not to difficult when you have kids sprawled all over the bedroom floor).

The baby's room is starting to become a very sore point with me because I had planned to at least put the border up this weekend but I have been having bouts of extreme fatigue which renders me completely useless with any kind of work. Last week at my check-up I asked dr. to check my iron levels and he did a haemaglobin test - I have still heard nothing from him so I am assuming it all checks out although I would have been happier if they had told me my levels are low so I know I can start taking supplements and feel better and that this is not just a by-product of entering the third trimester. Oh well I guess I can't complain too much because in all honesty, up to this point, this pregnancy has just flown by and before I know it I will miss being pregnant and playing games with my belly - my constant companion.

Once again I have to dash as the toilet beckons me ..... 'til next time

Marthie Had her little boy!!!!

2009-04-24T04:56:00.000-07:00

I don't have much news yet except that she only just had him - his name is Jayden and he weighs a very healthy 3.3kg's - both baby and mom doing very well.

MARTHIE CONGRATS TO YOU AND FAMILY AND MAY HE BRING YOU YEARS AND YEARS OF PRECIOUS MOMENTS

Lots of love and kisses
xxxx

Marthie

2009-04-24T01:14:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to write a quick post to wish Marthie all the very best with the birth of her little boy today. She has been in labour since last night and had her water's broken this morning... It sounds like she may only have her little boy around 3pm..

MARTHIE ALL THE BEST MY FRIEND AND LET ME BE THE FIRST TO CONGRATULATE YOU!!!!!

New Colour Pics

2009-04-24T00:12:00.000-07:00

Okay so I really had a hard time loading the pics last night and it took ages to actually go through the DVD and select my own still shots but it was well worth it because I feel they are a lot more clear than the pictures below which she printed for me.... take a look

Oooh my boy's gonna hate me for this one years down the line!!!

4D Scan at 28 weeks

2009-04-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

Well I went for my scan this morning and at first little boy was not interested in showing us his face but halfway through I got up and did some stretching exercises and jumped a little and when I lay back down she had me lie on my side .... this was the result..

The four pics below are face shots

THE MONEY SHOT!! Below has left no doubt in our minds that we are, indeed expecting a young man!! You can see the thigh and calf - bent at the knee (in the middle of the pic) - down below that is all the confirmation you could ask for :o))

A not very good profile pic .....

If you look carefully you will see baby's foot and toes right up by his nose

Its now 8pm and I have gone through the whole DVD and selected some pics that are a little clearer as they are in colour:

Oh boy .... this is taking far too long - I will load them as soon as I get to work tomorrow....

My Hospital Bed is Booked!!

2009-04-21T03:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday after my scan (which is mentioned below) I booked my hospital bed and it was so exciting. I had so many questions to answer and took a look around the ward which was very quiet except for two small little babies. One in an incubator. Wow - they really did look small lol. She showed me the semi-private ward which c/s patients are put in. I really am hoping its not busy around the time I give birth because those rooms may just be full.

My scan yesterday went very well thank goodness and baby boy is measuring right on target for 28 weeks and weighing in at 1.2kg's - wow I can't actually believe it. The feeling is indescribable when you are told they are over a kg. Almost as if a heavy burden is lifted off your shoulders knowing that he will definately make it should he need to. His mouth was opening and closing the whole time like a little fish and his facial features were also very clear. Unfortunately I did not ask for a picture but watched the video again once I got home. I showed my maid and she was so excited when she saw his mouth moving .... it really was funny to watch her since this is something she had not ever seen before. I know this sounds strange but when dr. told me he weigh's 1.2kg's the first thing that crossed my mind was my little Yorkie Smudge, whose adult weight was 1.2kg's .... she was my life and died suddenly from a stomach bug - for some strange reason I have been thinking a lot about her lately ... her picture below .... on my bed living the life of luxury.

Anyway all that aside ... I called Storksnest in Durban just now and made doubly sure their scanner was in good working order for my app. on Thursday. I was told previously that they only print 2 pics which is included in the price so I asked her if I could pay for any extra's I may want which she was happy with. (R5 per extra print). The good news is that yesterday when dr. checked baby's position he was head down again but dr. said that he was in the perfect position for 3D pics as there was nothing near his face, no placenta and no cord. Now I know this can all change as he still has quite a bit of space to move around in but I really am hoping he is very comfortable as he is and stays that way until after the scan. The only downfall re. his position is that I have had a foot firmly wedged under my ribs since yesterday and this caused discomfort last night when I was trying to sleep. It felt like I had a constant stitch on my left side and no matter how I lay it wouldn't go away so needless to say I've been awake since 4:30am. Today I have had the same problem all morning and it really gets unpleasant so every now and again I get up and walk around. Like I say - its bitter sweet because as long as his foot is in there I know he is still in position for good pics thursday :o)

I have a couple of pics that I took recently of new baby purchases including gifts from my mom and aunt when I went to visit her.
The three pics below were taken at my mom's place of all the gifts I got from her and my aunt. Take special note of the beautiful teddy bear quilt she made while I was there. I chose the material beforehand from a shop here at home and she made it for me in 1 afternoon - I was so thrilled with the end result.

Below is some stuff I bought when I went on my big shopping spree to Durban last week - the bed is in a state but I literally turned the packets upside down on it when I got home ...

and below some random pictures ... the one taken of my belly is very unclear but it will have to do until I take another one.

These are the 3D pics I got of baby 2 weeks ago. I found a cute little frame and the end result is so beautiful if I must say so myself ;o)

Going to see my boy today

2009-04-20T03:35:00.000-07:00

Well today I have a dr's appointment to look forward to and I really can't wait to see how my little boy has grown. I must just remember to ask him to check the weight or he won't do it. Another problem is that the last appointment I went to the dr. forgot to press record and when I got home and wanted to show the scan to my girls there was nothing recorded grrrrrrrr!!!!! Damn he's scatty but I'm safe in the knowledge that he is the best when it comes to my c/s. I guess I just have to turn a blind eye to his weird bedside manner.

Apart from that I have, over the last three weeks started developing nighttime leg cramps and I mean the really bad one's that lock up your calf muscles. From lots of experience with this I already have my foot flexed before it goes into that final and very painful spasm!! I remember getting this with Morgan so I know its pretty normal. Another thing I have to remember always is to stop drinking fluids by at least 7pm or Im up all night long going to pee. I'm feeling strong movements now and have just recently started feeling little lumps and bumps that pop up all over and when I try to inspect them he hides away again.

My mom made the lovliest quilt on Easter weekend with the material I bought here and took with me and although I have a pic of it already I have not actually gotten around to downloading it off my camera. I think when I get home from dr this afternoon I will quickly load my pics of baby's new presents and of course the quilt so by tomorrow I will have something to post. I ordered my chest of drawers and the guy said he will push for tomorrow or Thursday but if not then I will get it on 28 April - I really hope I still get it this week so I can start packing all of baby's things where they belong and make heads or tails of what I actually have.

Will update tomorrow with pics and news of baby's weight!! Until then - Marthie you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers xxx

Lazy

2009-04-17T04:53:00.000-07:00

Oh man I've been lazy - I really need to take the time to update my blog this weekend - if I can get my internet connection at home sorted out. It sucks because I cannot go onto facebook or onto my blog and since I took a few days off work I don't have much time to update at work either because I am trying to catch up - grrrrr.... I have some nice pics too so hopefully by Monday we will all be up to date with work and personal life.

Have a wonderful weekend ladies - Oh and Martie ..... I'M THINKING ABOUT YOU AND WILLING YOUR LABOUR TO START TOMORROW OR SUNDAY!!!!!!!

Jahni - congrats on your beautiful little girl - here I thought I was going to go away for easter and find that Marthie had a surprise on my return but imagine my surprise when I found out you had your little girl - I guess she hated her head being in your ribs about as much as you did hehe - all the best for years and years of happiness ahead of you sweetie xxxxx

Pictures

2009-04-06T23:21:00.000-07:00

Hello ladies

Well yesterday I went for my scan with very little expectations and of course I was thrilled that baby put on the best show ever for me and my two daughters!! The sad part is, like I mentioned before, she cannot put the scan on DVD or video and although I got some okay pictures they by no means, do the scan any justice.
He showed us the full front of his face and the movement was amazing - he kept putting his fingers in his mouth etc. She only started capturing images after he turned his face to the side and they were printed in black and white. They were clear as day on the screen but once she printed them onto paper the clarity was lost :o(
Here are the four that I chose:

Mouth open .. fingers in the mouth

Fingers again by the mouth

Fist under his chin and such chubby little cheeks

I'm so in looove

And now the picture of the adorable little crib my friend loaned me ...

Easter

2009-04-06T02:28:00.000-07:00

I don't have a huge amount to report on today and I am actually a little disappointed in myself because this weekend I took a picture of the little crib loaned to me by my friend and I forgot to save it onto the computer... I will try to remember to do this today and hopefully will have it on my blog tomorrow.

Apart from that I am so excited that it is such a short week this week and next week because I have taken Thursday off and will only be back at work next Thursday!! I am leaving on Thursday morning to go visit my folks and honestly I cannot wait. It will just be myself and the kids so I must be honest Im a little nervous about the long 7 hour drive but I will just make sure I stop often. We will be there until Tuesday and then on Wednesday I go to Durban for my 4D scan which I am hoping and praying will go well and we will get to see something this time. I have also planned to spend the day in Durbs on Wednesday to choose my cot and I can't wait!! I honestly feel like I am still so unorganised with baby's room considering I am a week away from my third trimester!!! Well its a little difficult when you are organising everything without any help from your spouse but I will prove I can do it and do it damn well too!!

Psssst.... I just called my hospital (Netcare Margate) and asked the lady who does the 3D's if she could see me today. She said I can come at 4pm although I must admit I am not terribly excited about it because as mentioned before she is not that skilled and tends to give up easily if she cannot get a clear face shot. I'm hoping that because I am not expecting too much baby will surprise me and show me his face .... please baby boy .. I beg you ... play nice today for mommy and I'll buy you a nice present PROMISE!!

Until tomorrow then ... keep your fingers crossed and maybe .. just maybe I'll have a pic to post of my stubborn little man.

A Word of Thanks

2009-04-01T04:16:00.000-07:00

Ladies

I just wanted to say a big thank you for your kind words on my last post. You have no idea how much the support means to me and I really feel like I have such a good support base with my new found friends.....

Lots of love ((((((((((hugz))))))))))

Depressed

2009-03-30T03:24:00.000-07:00

Well here I sit 25 weeks pregnant and although I am eternally grateful to God for giving me this pregnancy and a son no less, I can't help being pulled down by my husband. I hate to complain on my blog but i need some sort of diarised reminder for months down the line when I too easily forget the lack of support or interest from his part. Why do some men feel the need to go out drinking so much when we are pregnant as if their lives are coming to an end? I have had a total lack of support from him throughout this whole pregnancy. No help with ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING - not the painting of the walls, choosing of the colours, ordering of the cot, cupboards, cleaning of the prams, campcots etc. NOTHING!! I have been doing it all. He has little to no interest to feel baby kicking when he is lying in bed with me, even though my girls just love to sit around my stomach and wait for baby to play. This is the first pregnancy that I am doing without family around and I have to say it is probably THE lonliest time of my life. Thank God for my true friends I have here who have decided to help me finish baby's room and share in my joy etc. not to make me feel better, but because they really do care. It's really hard for me to go onto my favourite pregnancy boards and read how supportive other husbands are - so where did I go wrong? He was never like this when I was pregnant with Morgan - why now? Is he jealous because he senses competition with a little boy?? Does this all go back to primitive territorial behaviour of a male leader in his group of adoring females? I don't know .. all I do know is I will not take this SHIT lying down. I WILL surround myself with people who make me feel good about myself instead of beating myself up over a dead beat husband. As of now I will do my best to completely exclude him from everything baby including the choosing of a name!! (put that in your pipe and smoke it sunshine)!! In fact I am so mad I am considering having the baby in Jhb at my old gynae and having a family member support me and not him.... its my perogative is it not? Learn to treat me with respect or I will take away from you the one thing that you most want.

Well apart from all the shit mentioned above I still try to remain positive and soldier on. I have my wallpaper now but until I have bought the cot on 15 April and have a fair idea on where my furniture is going - I will not be putting it up as I do not want to waste it by using it behind cupboards. After all the indecision I decided to go with this one and I must say the picture does not do it much justice - it is beautiful quality and even the colours are brighter... will add pic once up on wall..

Yesterday afternoon I had a bit of a scare because I suddenly realised at about 6:30pm that I hadn't felt baby move for at least the last 3 hours. I immediately pulled my doppler out and tried to listen to the heartbeat but could NOT.FIND.IT!! I tried to remain calm as i thought I may have heard a little kick but it just wasn't clear enough for me to be sure. I gave it a break, walked around a little, went to pee and then tried again - still nothing :o( ... I decided then to push my stomach in with both hands like I was kneading bread and not too gentle either and then....suddenly .. a little kick on my lower left side. THANK THE LORD!!!! I was so damn nervous because I had been having bad thoughts during the day due to my husband and I really thought I was being punished. I then put the doppler back on my belly with a shitload of gel and found a big strong heartbeat right under my belly button. *whew* instant relief washed over me and my colour returned. I am guessing that because I have an anterior placenta, and although it has migrated upwards in the last few months it is still partially in the way of movement, that baby just found a really good hiding place behind it. We will have to have a chat when he is born ... making his mommmy worry like that!!

Apart from that I spent Sunday with friends and had a really good day. Karen took me into her garage and showed me the most BEAUTIFUL little wooden crib that she said i could borrow for baby. I will be collecting it this week so will take a picture just as soon as I have my grubby little paws on it. It is so cute and just the right size for baby. I will be putting it right next to my bed for the first three months, after which baby will probably outgrow it. I just feel that the cot I am buying is so big and baby will look tiny in it. When Morgan and Kaylah were babies I had them sleep in their prams a lot - next to the bed as the size was a lot better than a cot so this is going to be just perfect.

I can't believe that tomorrow I will be on 99 days remaining until my scheduled c/section!!!! (well according to ff anyway - the ticker on my blog says otherwise because that date is worked out according to my actual due date). Either way I have come a really long way from where I started at 288 days!!!! I remember seeing women on 99 days and feeling like I would never get there but here I am ....

As far as how I am feeling I have never felt healthier and I have to admit that I am sure my stomach is not as big as it was with Morgan. I get around easily, I have not had a moment's backache (had it terrible with Morgan), no real aches and pains and the ones I have are not even worth a mention - this little boy seems to be good to his mama and has not even added ONE stretch mark to her belly or butt [hmmmm .... she feels like she is jinxing her good fortune].
I remember going for a monthly check-up in my second trimester with Morgan and when they weighed me (2 months in a row) I had gained 4kg's each time!!! Wow! That's 8kg's in 2 months. As things stand now I have gained around 10.5kg's but I have felt a slight increase in my appetite lately. I still enjoy lots of fruit and vege's and can't eat huge portions of meat but my biggest downfall is my addiction to coca cola and sweets and chocolates. I almost have to have a chocolate every day (blush). My other, somewhat healthy, craving is my glass of grapefruit juice every morning - yummy!! I decided about 2 months ago already that I was not going to discuss my weight gain with my gynae as he doesn't even bother to weigh me anyway. The reason for this is because of how guilty he made me feel after Christmas and quite frankly I don't think I have anything to feel guilty about. All he will do is give me one more thing to worry about and in all honesty my plate is packed to capacity with all the other stuff going on in my life.

So after speaking to my friends we decided to make a day of it the Saturday after Easter weekend because by then I will have my cot. They will all come around with husbands and we will put up the dido rails, wallpaper and assemble the cot. I really am excited and hopefully it will piss on Oli's battery a little and make him feel foolish that friends husbands are essentially doing the job he has failed so miserably to do himself.

Until next time ladies, my little man is as of now, practacing for the world cup with my bladder so off to the ladies i go ......

Belly Pic & 24 week scan

2009-03-24T00:42:00.000-07:00

hmmmm - where do I start ....?

Well first of all let me load my new belly pic but be warned its getting HUGE!!!

Yep - 24 weeks already - I actually can't believe it myself, I feel like this pregnancy is flying by.

Yesterday I had my checkup with dr. and all is looking great. Looks like my little boy is weighing around 600g now which I'm happy with. I told him that I can no longer handle the acid reflux and heartburn and it was getting so bad it was causing me to vommit so finally he gave me a script for heartburn medication and the funny thing is its the same medication I was taking before falling pregnant which I stopped. So I have put myself through torture for the last 2 months when I could have been taking those capsules. Oh well at least from here on it will get better. Baby looked gorgeous on the scan and we could see him opening his mouth and putting fingers inside. Along with the dr. we even counted the fingers and made sure there were five!! lol. He is still lying head down so all those pokes and kicks I've been getting to the bladder which have made me all but run straight to the toilet are actually headbutts and punches with little fists - what a strong boy!!
I decided to go past maternity ward for a 3D straight afterwards since we were there already and I was soooo disappointed because as usual he just did not want to show his face. I got only one pic printed which I will load later today - of his one ear and an arm up covering his face. I must admit though that I could see the lady doing the scan was not all that clued up since she was soooo gentle with the wand on my stomach it tickled. She should have tried a little harder to make him move like the lady who did my early 3D did. At some point I wanted to snatch it from her and do it myself. Then she was wasting time trying to see the sex when all I wanted was a pic of the face. She only went into 3D mode like 15 minutes into the actual scan. grrrrr

I really hope the Storks Nest in Umhlanga will do a better job and has a more experienced sonographer since I am paying for that one. I will be going on 15 April so I will be around 27wks pregnant and I can't wait. We are going to make a day of it and go to Baby & Co at Gateway to buy our cot, bedding and car chair ... and of course some other odds and ends that I may need. Its going to be so exciting to get the stuff back and finally start making progress with the room!!

WAIT!!! I think I found it

2009-03-18T01:05:00.000-07:00

So after calling the wallpaper shop to get prices he told me to look under another section I didn't even know was there and I immediately fell in love with the following...!

...below is also little appliques that can be stuck on doors, walls, cupboards etc.

Then there is another one which was my ORIGINAL CHOICE at Game - believe it or not these people supply Game and it would cost me less!!!

Help Needed!!

2009-03-17T23:34:00.000-07:00

Okay so after my last post Marthie very kindly gave me the webpage of a wallpaper place down the road from her and after looking at it I found they had more choices than I've seen in any one shop around here.

I have narrowed it down to three choices which I will attach below .... please let me know what you ladies think - since my husband does not have a clue

This first one I like because I was thinking of doing a teddy bear theme but I'm just not sure if its too girly for a boy (bearing in mind that it can be changed when he gets a little older?

This one again going with the teddy bear theme but I can't help feeling that it is a little colourless and boring?

This one I really like because ... well who doesn't like Disney and it will be a good match for my walls - but again is it not too girly?

The lower half of the wall is blue and the top half is cream so I am looking for something that will incorporate both colours and kind've bring them together. Grrrrr - I hate not having my family around to help me make the right choice. Any and all suggestions will be appreciated :o)

Getting the show on the road

2009-03-17T02:14:00.001-07:00

Wow - my tummy is really popping out now and its so hard. I need to take a picture this week and post it. I also need to find a photographer close by that will take some tasteful belly pictures for me. My little man already has his periods of activity and rest and it seems he's a late sleeper because in the morning he is very quiet until about 9am/10am and then the party gets started. It could also be that by then he has had his breakfast and juice so batteries are recharged. He sleeps again for quite a while in the afternoons and then normally wakes around 4:30pm and generally stays awake until after I have struggled to fall asleep (due to punches and kicks etc).

I found out from Margate Netcare the other day that their 3D/4D scanning machine only prints pictures and they are NOT able to put it on video or dvd?? Well you can just imagine my disappointment. But I guess when its a free service you just don't get what you want. I have decided to go on Saturday 28th March (I will be 25 weeks) with the kids and Oli and just hope I can get a good picture of the face and then I will also go to someone else a couple of weeks later who can video the whole scan.
Yesterday I called the same lady who did my 3D when I was 18 weeks and unfortunately she will not be coming to the coast around the time I need her to do my 26-32 week 3D so she gave me some other suggestions. One being to call Netcare Storksnest in Imhlanga so I called them yesterday afternoon and their prices are pretty reasonable (R250) plus they do a full DVD of the scan too (extra R15) - Yipppeee!
I booked it for 15 April when I will be 27weeks and I am so excited I can hardly contain myself because I have planned a lot around that appointment. Firstly I told Oli he HAS TO take that day off work and take me the one and half hours to Durban and we will make a day of it because I have been needing to go do shopping at a decent mall for baby so Gateway is where we will go. I have heard that Babies r Us is huge there so all the things I can't find here (cots, bedding, bath with stand) I will try get on that day from Gateway.

I am feeling a lot more positive just after those few arrangements because I finally feel like things are happening with baby's room. To top that off even more exciting news!!!! Shhhhh - but I know when Im having my stork party and it'll be on Saturday 18th April - a month away!! I know I should have booked going to Durban AFTER the stork party but we won't have the money or the space to buy everything we need on one shopping trip so I am more than happy to go back there again at a later date to get all my little odds and ends that I still need.

As for babies room - yes I'm afraid I have decided to change the wall colour YET AGAIN! This time I am very happy with the blue colour at the bottom but the more I look at the top colour the more gray it becomes and the more the room looks like a cold prison cell. Baby will be coming in winter and the room is North facing so we want some warmth in there. I found the soft cream colour I was looking for and have also found a reputable painter recommended by my local hardware. I will be fetching him on Saturday morning and let him do the job and finish it for once and for all instead of me piss-assing around trying to take on every single chore that has to do with baby's room - yes finally I admit it I AM SIMPLY NOT CAPABABLE ANYMORE - I. NEED. HELP - in fact I WELCOME IT!! [um...btw.. that took herculean effort to admit]..
I have also decided to go with a teddy bear theme for the room since I can't stand trains, planes and automobiles and I despise Bob the Builder!! The problem is that every shop that sells the wallpaper strip only has Winnie the Pooh!!! shit - even Babies r Us in Gateway!! WTF is wrong with these people?? Does nobody out there have ANY new ideas?? I HAD Winnie the Pooh for Morgan 6 years ago and nothing has changed! *sigh* Well I decided to give Game in Gateway a chance to prove themselves first so I'll take a look what they have and if they don't have what i want I will have to settle for my original choice from a catalogue in Game Margate - wait for it .. R270 for 4 metres (and I probably need 3 rolls)!! Quite ridiculous but worth it since Im not prepared to settle for something I don't want.... and sorry but stencilling (although appealing [insert sarcasm here]) is just not gonna happen since I fear I am a complete perfectionist and anything less than professional looking just won't do for my special little boy!!!

We move on to names and for some reason I am starting to panic a little since I am still struggling to come up with anything that we both totally love. So far my short list (still prowling however so this list may still grow considerably)

I love the name Alexander as a middle name - but to convince Oli - anyway moving onward here is my list so far:

Connor Alexander Broome
Corbin Alexander ....
Deacon [you get the picture]
Murray ....
Preston....
Sloane....
Travis
Micah (pronounced Mee-kah)
Trey...
Kellan....

P.S (I love the name Chase but put together with Broome the poor lil' guy will spend his life warding off sick humour directed at that unfortunate combination)..

Anyway - here I thought this was going to be a quick post but I got carried away I guess - all I have left to say is that i can't wait for my check-up with gynae on Monday so I can see how my little star has grown..!

later on that same day ...... [cue music] da da da daaaaa

2009-03-11T08:08:00.000-07:00

So I went to the hardware this afternoon and bought the mechanism. I am so proud of me right now I could shit. (Forgive my technical names for the mechanism bits but try to keep up) .... the little thingy that clicks into the door frame when you shut the door was facing the wrong way so I had to unscrew the mechanism and inside found some bits and pieces and a springy kinda thing. Well I turned the one bit around so the thingy that clicks into doorframe as mentioned above would face the right way (and door would stay closed) but the spring jumped out and I had to sit and try figure out for half an hour how the spring fits. I ended up unscrewing the old mechanism for a cross-section of insides and fit the spring in a similiar manner.. (still with me??) hehe - eventually I managed to put the whole thing back together, into the door, handles back, right screws in right holes and then ... the moment of truth ... I inserted the key slowly and voila!!!!!!! THE DOOR LOCKS!! Yep .. I'm dancing right now - or trying at least. Did I mention that I'm proud of me?
You may be wondering what the hell Im so excited about but the prospect of future afternoons undisturbed has me so excited I can hardly contain myself ... hmmmm ... and the party girl went where exactly???

On the down side...
I spent too long on the damn door today so I missed out on my sleep. It is now 5pm and I have to start thinking about what to make for dinner - BLAHHH!!!! Oh well at least it gives me time to come up with a very creative DO NOT DISTURB sign right?

Pssst - BTW baby HATES this laptop on my belly ... time to go

Mood Swings & Things

2009-03-11T01:40:00.000-07:00

Okay I know I need to write an entry soon so I'll do it but be warned - for some reason my mood is completely sour today but I'll try and behave.

I have been so tired the last three days and my nights are filled with toilet trips and vivid dreams. Afternoon sleeps are hard to come by since the kids are home in the afternoon and my door constantly opens and slams shut with people coming in and out to either dig in my drawers or the best is - my little girl comes and asks me to get her something from the kitchen while staring me in the face - a face, I might add, that has closed eyes and gentle snoring?? The mind boggles. Then of course, there's the maid who makes frequent trips to my cupboard to pack iorning away on a daily basis - sometimes forgetting to close the bedroom door behind her and with my windows open the door shuts with a mighty bang from the wind. I am not a person who comes by sleep very easily so my family knows that once I am woken I cannot go back to sleep which equals a very grumpy pregnant woman. My door does not lock - the lock is broken so I have decided to go to the hardware and buy a whole new mechanism and also make a sign that says "DO NOT DISTURB" so in future when I am down for a much needed afternoon nap, the maid can put ironed clothes on the spareroom bed and see to the kids needs until such time as I wake up.
Another problem is my vivid dreams. Last night for example I was dreaming about breastfeeding. I had had the baby two days before but hadn't breastfed so quickly grabbed my jack russell and he breastfed (was he my baby?) - Next thing my brother-in-law was supposed to be breastfeeding but he was out and I was worried my milk would dry up.. Where the heck was my baby? Then my sister and brother-in-law had a baby that was 6 months old that I was going to breastfeed but he had a tooth growing in such a strange place on his gum that I couldn't. I put these dreams down to my determination to get breastfeeding right and perhaps my fear that things may go wrong.

As far as baby goes, he is moving so much now so I have a strong feeling my placenta is migrating up and out the way. My midwife felt around last week and also mentioned that she can feel my placenta has moved so for that I am really grateful because I was so scared I would not feel much movement with this pregnancy. I am feeling strong kicks right by my belly and the smaller punches right down on my right side - especially last night when I played him some music. I couldn't stop smiling because I had my ipod earphones on my belly and he first kicked in the spot i had put the one and then punched in the spot I had put the other... maybe he doesn't did classical music? lol. On Saturday night myself and Oli were lying in bed and baby was being particularly active so I told him to put his hand on my belly. Almost immediately baby gave a hard kick that even surprised me since I had not even felt a kick that hard yet. I was so happy that finally he could be a part of what had, up until now, been mine and baby's secret. Baby was ready to share...
Kaylah got her first few little kicks last night after I had eaten dinner but I guess he got tired from all the food and went to sleep pretty quickly.
As far as how I sleep, I normally sleep half on my side and half on my stomach with my top leg bent up and my hands under my pillow. I can see that I will have to start adapting to another position since in the last two weeks I have felt little kicks and punches in the area that I am clearly squashing.
Oooooh gotta run to the looo - just had a snack and baby is moving around again - right now pressing on my bladder ... (I'm loving it - huge grin) .... brb

------- x ---------

On the weight side ... I've picked up 8kg's so far but I am finding much needed info on Our Precious Moments under the mommies forum. Whew - those ladies really make a girl feel good!!!!

High Blood Pressure

2009-03-06T01:21:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday at work I was feeling period pain type cramps in my lower stomach and back, which initially I just ignored but was aware of. They got bad enough for me to stop what I was doing and take notice but not double over in pain. I decided to pop past my midwife after work and she tested my urine again. She noticed there was still blood in my urine from the bladder infection and thrush but the actual bladder infection had cleared up. She then checked my blood pressure and we were both shocked to find that it was 140/90??? WTF?? I've never had a blood pressure problem and so far this pregnancy its always been around 120/70. She then checked my uterus and found that it was irritable. Wow - it seems the bladder infection just unleashed a whole chain of events and she told me to go straight home on bedrest and booked me off Thurs and Fri (yes, I am in bed as I type this). It was pretty upsetting for me because I kept thinking the worst - that I may go into labour and give birth long before baby is ready!!
Needless to say on Wednesday night Oli got takeaways and I just stayed in bed. Yesterday afternoon I went back to midwife just to settle my mind and I was so relieved that my b/p had come right down to 120/60!! She did say I must still rest though due to the irritable uterus but what a relief!!
On the bright side, when she took measurements of my uterus she said baby is growing very very well!! He's weighing around 400 grams now and honestly, all I want is for him to get to 1kg before I can fully start relaxing about these little episodes that scare the shit outa me.

So this morning I got a bee in my bonnet - yes I know I should be in bed but I am back in bed now as it didn't take me too long. I mentioned in an earlier post that I had got a cupboard made (still waiting for second one). Well first thing I did this morning was pack it with all the baby's things and they look adorable. Obviously the clothes will get washed and moved around once I have all my packing space. I plan to get the same guy to build me a chest of drawers/compactum, block shelves to mount above the drawers and of course my second cupboard. Below is a picture of what I have so far:

Of course after climbing back into bed my mind started wondering again about the room and something I thought would look cool painted on the wall... Of course that got me into high gear and I decided to just do it .. what's the worst that can happen? I can just paint over it again. Okay well my feet were aching terribly by the time I was done but I HONESTLY love the end result!! I couldn't go with more colours until I have chosen my wallpaper strip..

Family

2009-03-04T01:09:00.001-08:00

Well my app. on Monday went well. Dr gave me a script for a single pill and some topical cream but it does seem to be taking a little while to work (grrrrr). Other than that he decided to do a scan as well and my little man is looking cuter than ever. Dr. wanted to give me a printout of baby's face (profile) and his hands were all over his face, scratching, sucking fingers etc. so dr. moved the probe around quite fast and said "C'mon move your hand" - poor little thing immediately put his hand down by his side and kept it there!! Good news is when dr. did all the measurements baby seems to have jumped two weeks growth in a week!!!! That's my boy!!

I got a call yesterday afternoon that one of my cupboards I ordered was finished and was in the shop!! I was so excited to go see it so I took both my girls with me as I really needed a second opinion from Kaylah. I loved it!! It came out a lot better than I had imagined and Kaylah also loved it. We had measured it so that there is hanging space at the top and about 5 shelves underneath that. It was done in white as I requested but for some stupid reason they had put on a gold knob instead of a plain white one [puke!!] - oh well nothing that I can't change!! He will deliver it today so when I get home I will take pictures and post.. I am so excited to start packing his clothes in there lol. This leads me to my next problem .... family

I am honestly feeling the pinch not having my sister or my mother anywhere close by with this pregnancy as they were both there with my other two and I guess I took that for granted. I don't say Oli is not excited about it but when it comes to things like decorating the room or discussing baby clothes or breastfeeding he really has no idea whatsoever. I miss having someone to coo with when I am out shopping for all things baby but I must say my daughter has really stepped up to the plate as if she senses just how much I need her right now. I love her to bits!!

I guess what I'm saying is that this pregnancy is very lonely - I can't just take my newly purchased goods down the road to sister and mom and sit over cake and tea discussing all our birth stories. What's worse is that none of them will be around for the birth either - its my first little boy and such a special moment that I want to share it with everybody that is important in my life. Oli's mom lives in Jhb but I can't say that we are particularly close and our relationship, for some reason, was never given the chance to blossom. Oli's dad lives in our cottage on our property but the man drives me half insane and all I want is for him to go get his own place and his own life instead of interfering in mine (trust me you have to know the man to understand these ARE NOT pregnancy hormones talking).
The problem also lies with the friends we have made since moving to the coast two years ago. Most of the friends we see on a very regular basis are all over 40 and have teenage kids so its pretty damn hard for the female friends to sympathise with me when I need a shoulder to cry on or when I need to just throw a temper tantrum because pregnancy is but a distant memory to them and I get that they cannot remember being this grumpy when they were pregnant - its not stuff you want to remember. In saying that however, their husbands remember it as if it were yesterday!! Then there is my other crowd of friends, some still single, some just started their married life - the kidless bunch ... I love them all but again I cannot expect them to sit and listen to me waffle on about my amazing pregnancy when in all fairness it can't mean much to them.
I feel blessed to be surrounded by all these friends but sadly nothing can replace my family whom I miss so very much right now.

[P.S] Cheryl / Mom - ahem ... if you read this please feel free to plan a little holiday around the time I give birth [insert cheeky grin here] Luv you loads - promise!! xxxx

The Joys ......

2009-03-01T23:44:00.000-08:00

This weekend was a VERY uncomfortable weekend for me as I stupidy did not take interflora pills with my antibiotics prescribed last week. On Friday I started getting a little discomfort and quickly realised I was getting thrush so started eating lots of plain yoghurt ... I guess that was just too little too late because by yesterday afternoon I was soooo uncomfortable - sore, itching, you name it!!

I went to the pharmacy yesterday morning and got some probiotics but once again they wouldn't really help since I should have started them with the antibiotics. I did not want to just get any over-the-counter meds without speaking to my dr. and of course for this I had to wait until today.
Anyway I called dr's room at 9am today and she said that I needed to come in at 2pm and get a checkup.... huh? I thought he was just going to fax a script through to the pharmacy and be done with it?? Not sure why he wants to see me but I suppose he wants to make sure the bladder infection coupled with the thrush is not causing any problems like an irritable uterus or something. I'm not complaining since I love seeing baby so hopefully he does a scan today...!

20 Week Belly

2009-02-25T23:25:00.000-08:00

Hello all you beautiful people....

I don't have too much to report on today but did take my 20week belly shot this morning and boy has it grown suddenly!!!

[click to enlarge]

I went to Mica yesterday and bought some cornices but they were made out of polystyrene and Oli told me they would not work so I need to take them back. I'm not even sure in the first place why these companies make flimsy cornices if they are just going to break anyway. I have taken the day off tomorrow to (hopefully) complete the painting of the room so asked Oli if he could go today to find the correct cornices. What we are wanting to do it to glue them to the middle of the wall where the two colours join and then place the wallpaper picture strip just above. We did the same for Morgan's room and it looked lovely.

Lastly, for those interested I have advised the moderators of FC that I quit and couldn't be happier with my decision. I have found a new home with the most amazing ladies (including moderators) and most importantly pregnant and TTC members are treated equally.. Thanks again for the invite Jacky - had I known the place existed I would have been there a lot earlier.

Ultrasound Yesterday

2009-02-23T22:08:00.000-08:00

First of all I wanted to post a couple of pictures of the new blue that I chose and although my husband says he preferred the darker colour - I think I made the right choice...I only managed to paint a small section but you'le get the idea.

Oh and I just had to add a picture of my naughty Jack Russell Oscar - he is sitting like a real little poof!!!

As for my ultrasound - it all went very well and I managed to ask him all the questions I had listed. My little man was moving all over the place as usual but at one point was lying with his legs stretched out and feet crossed at the ankles like he was on holiday in there hehe .... I guess he should enjoy the space while he still has it.
I asked the dr. to take another look at my placenta and it is quite frankly - all over the place. It was on top of baby and down the sides etc. However, he did say that it is not low enough to interfere with my c/s - which btw has been booked for 9 July. He did say that in about 6 weeks or so it should have moved up a lot more. He picked up a bladder infection so has put me on antibiotics which I need to go and collect today - so thank goodness we found this out early rather than later.
I must say it was a very uncomfortable scan because he was pressing so damn hard on my stomach and it really hurt!! He was trying to get me a profile pic of baby's face but because of my placenta being in the way it just wouldn't work. Anyway after the scan he told me to go to the lovely lady in maternity ward where their 3D scanner is so I could get a printed picture of baby's face. We went through there and she was so gentle on my stomach and we still managed to see just as much if not more!!! Again we got confirmation that it is definately a little boy so if there was any kind of doubt whatsoever it has been erased. We didn't get our face shot though because like the last time, he was hiding it up in my placenta...!
I also asked him if I could take rescue remedy or something just to calm me down because I seem to have become very highly strung and emotional and sometimes I just don't like myself at all. He told me to get "Biral" - a herbal supplement, which he says has a very good calming effect and is (obviously) 100% safe.

Pregnancy & TTC Forums

2009-02-23T00:41:00.000-08:00

Alright ... I seem to be completely up to date now with goings on in a certain local forum that I frequent [and I speak NOT of Fertility Friend which I love]. As I have said before - I have always felt the need to watch my P's and Q's in there and could never fully relax. Always feeling like someone was watching over my shoulder while I typed...

All the ladies that have left the forum by choice or by force have been nothing but amazing!!! I do get the impression that simply being pregnant is a sin. Why then, was a pregnancy room created? Supposedly to support those who had achieved pregnancy after being on the long and painful TTC road? Yes been there done that!!! But instead it has become a prison where you are constantly monitored, on the off chance that you unintentionally offend those still TTC. I doubt very much that 90% of the ladies ttc are bitter at all but it certainly does not help having a person in charge that seems to do nothing but wallow in self-pity.

To the powers that be - try being on both sides of the fence like Mandy-Leigh for one - who has been nothing short of amazing through all her heartache - putting her pain to one side to still follow the blogs of those she considers friends - pregnant or not pregnant!! The issue awhile ago came up about "babydust" - for fuck's sakes!!!! Have some people got nothing better to do than complain about a well-intentioned remark without disecting it and finding something in that that is grossly offensive???

Bitter self-loathing will take you on a path to self-destruction. Allow those who are pregnant to bask in all its glory and shout it from the rooftops [in the confines of the pregnancy room of course] - it is their God given right! But it seems even when they are posting in what they consider to be their own personal space (i.e. their blogspots), they are being penalised??? Who is it that has such a miserable life that they feel the need to spend every waking moment looking for reasons to punish someone for being pregnant??

To all the other pregnant ladies in there that plan to stick around - MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!!!!

As for me - I QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

20 Week Ultrasound Today

2009-02-22T22:49:00.000-08:00

On Saturday we took Morgan to her school function (picnic/braai) and met the other parents but in all honesty I wanted to faint the whole time. The temp was around 33/34 deg and there was not even the slightest hint of a breeze. We snuck out with another set of parents before anybody else and headed straight for Shelly Centre for a movie.... Wow!! when we walked into the shopping centre it was like walking into a fridge - what a pleasure!! Sadly, the movie was total waste of time. As usual Oli got his way and we watched an action called "Killshot" with Mickey Rourke.. the biggest load of crap I've seen in a very long time. My choice was going to be "He's just not that into you" which I know would have been a good show but he's promised to take me to a movie sometime now during the week so I'm certainly going to cash in on that promise!!

This afternoon I have my 20 week scan and as usual I am a little nervous. I guess it just comes with the territory. I hope my little man is still growing strong and healthy and can't wait for the doctor to give me an estimate on his weight right now. As for movements, I'm still patiently waiting for a good solid kick but sometimes I think he lies right at the back for a few days because I feel such little movements and then suddenly a few days later he's back to reassure me of his presence. My girls are really jealous that they can't feel him yet and my little one kisses my belly every night before bed time - but not before asking me where he is at that point. Hopefully I will have a nice profile pic of belly bean to add tomorrow..

Pictures

2009-02-22T08:17:00.000-08:00

It's late Sunday afternoon now and my feet are killing me. I spent most of the afternoon painting only one wall - just to see how it would look. I completed the top bit which was Matt and once I painted the blue at the bottom there was just something I did not like at all. Firstly the colour looked off (too blue?) from the one I had selected on the chart and secondly it seemed to just stay wet and shiny. I read the paint tin again and it said "sheen or gloss finish"... Boy was I spitting mad!! I immediately called the guy at the Mica branch where I had bought it and explained to him that the paint for the top (from a different Mica) was not only half the price of his paint but it was a matt finish which I liked and the paint his staff had supplied for the lower portion of the wall was gloss. The two together made me want to vomit ***mad***** .... I told him that I was not asked at all by the person mixing the paint whether I would prefer high gloss or matt and since I am the average person off the street assumed they only give glossy paint if you are using it for a bathroom. Anyway - long story short, he offered to take the paint back if I point out the salesman since he is supposed to check customer's preferences. He will mix a matt finish paint for me and pay me back the balance as it is apparently quite a bit cheaper. I need to mention to him too that I want a blue with a little more "smokiness" in as this bright blue is just refusing to grow on me no matter how many times I look at it.

Anyway - I have attached some pictures but bear in mind that these will probably be the before pics because I really feel that the top and bottom are mismatched even though they were paired in a Dulux catalogue... *sigh* Oh well - I think I'm going to put in leave on Friday so I can fix up this mess.

[Click pictures to enlarge]

Morgan watching mommy at work - she helped a little bit too..

Oooh shocker - what was a grayish / very light cream on the catalogue has turned into purple???? Hopefully it will change when it dries

So far so good but wow is that blue blue!!!

Hmmmm - shiny blue??? looks like a workshop and NOT a baby's room!!

On the bright side - the top colour has settled nicely....

*******

It's Monday morning and I have that paint packed in my car so after work today I'm going to replace it with a paint that a more subtle, dusty blue...

Anyway I have loaded a couple of pictures of baby's clothes as my mom is visiting my sister in Jhb (who keeps up to date with my blog) and I wanted her to see what her little grandson has so far....

...the blue sandals were a present from my daughter Kaylah

Notice the bottom of the picture - see my belly getting in the way?

Yay its Friday!!

2009-02-20T02:05:00.000-08:00

I have mentioned in previous posts that I have felt movement but all this time they were more like swimming movements or a hardness in a particular area of my belly, sometimes gentle popping sensations which I could never 100% be certain is him. But last night I felt my first definite, no-mistaking-this-for-gas, baby kick!! I can't say it was a hard kick since his little feet are only about 3cm long but it was on the left side where I knew his legs were since I had kind of guessed at how he was lying by feeling my tummy. I was so happy I wanted to dance hehehe. silly huh?
Then about 10 minutes after that I felt a pressure on the same spot and when I put my hand over it I felt a small bony thing which I assumed to be the foot ... of course he quickly pulled away from my prying hand. Oooooh I can't wait for the family to have fun with him!!

On to other things - there is a get together for parents at Morgan's school tomorrow. I probably would have come up with some feeble excuse to not take her but she has been so excited about mommy and daddy going with her to school that there is no way in hell I would let her down.
As for the rest of my weekend - I really really want to get started on the painting of the room so hopefully Oli is of the same frame of mind and perhaps we can get started on Sunday....?

I mentioned before that baby's room does not have built-in cupboards so I ordered two single door cupboards to be made up for me. Why separate cupboards you may ask. This is because space in the room is pretty tricky. At the bottom of the cot behind the entrance door there would be just enough space for a cupboard the size of a linen cupboard and again on the other side of the room the same size cupboard behind the bathroom door. I have asked that one cupboard be only shelves and the other to have a 60cm space above the shelves with a rod for hanging baby's clothes. I am still shopping around for a chest of drawers / compactum and may even get the same guy to make them up for me as well since his prices are very reasonable. I really hope the quality is not bad though so we will have to wait about 2 weeks for the arrival of the first cupboard.

As far as the pregnancy is going, I am 19w3d now. Last night was my first night of struggling to get comfortable but I have a feeling its because baby was lying right down low on my bladder. I could have just stayed on the toilet the whole night the way I was running back and forward to it every five minutes. The heartburn has really kicked in something chronic now but the pharmacist recommended last week that I not take Rennies as it makes the problem worse by trapping the gas (I suppose its like putting a lid on a volcano - pressure build up so when it pops off its so much worse). I am taking Eno Tums instead - not only do they taste much better - like different flavouried fruity sweets, but their active ingredient is calcium carbonate. I have found that this is helping so much more than any other stuff I have tried and this coupled with the fact that I am giving my bones extra calcium - what more could I ask for. As for Gaviscon liquid ... a TOTAL waste of time... it works for pretty much 5 minutes after you have taken a sip and then the acid breaks through.

I need to start watching what I am eating very carefully because yesterday and today when I climbed on the scale I seemed to have shot up 1.5kg's in 1 week???? Must be something wrong because that's just not possible. That said - it still freaked me out enough to lay off the white bread today and for breakfast I had Oude Caap Low GI bread with bean sprouts, low fat cream cheese and a piece of shaved ham. I know I have slipped because the constipation has come back to bite me in the ass so to speak. So back to lots of fruit, vege's and wholegrains and quit the chocolates and sweets for a while. Oh and suddenly I am a big fan of coca-cola which must also stop - its poison!! Today, however, I have stuck to water and lots of it....
I am contemplating walking with my daughter in the mornings but ... like I say ... contemplating
watch this space ....

Upcoming Ultrasound

2009-02-19T03:30:00.001-08:00

Picture courtesy of my darling sister Cheryl ... gotta love it (note to self - watch Oliver with son at all times)

Can you believe I am 19 weeks and 2 days already? Wow! Where did the time go. I am still only feeling a lot of swimming type movements and definately know when baby is awake but the kicks when I do feel them, I kind've wonder was it or was it gas? The other night I was lying in a bubble bath and kept feeling a little popping sensation in the middle of my belly. I initially put it down to gas and then wondered if it could be kicks. I closed my eyes and felt them again, and again - deep in the pit of my stomach... but hang on .... how stupid am I???? These were so consistent which could only mean one thing.....BABY HICCUPS!!! hehehe - I actually laughed out loud I was so happy.
There is another story I feel I need to make a note of since I had very nearly forgotten about it. When I went for my 3D last Tuesday, she was taking all baby's measurements including trying to look at the bladder. At one point she briefly skimmed past the little black circle in baby's tummy, pointing out to me that it was the bladder. She moved on to take measurements of another part of the anatomy and on returning to the bladder - it had all but disappeared. Of course I was a little nervous by this as I needed to know that baby's kidneys were functioning properly. She then laughed and told me baby had just had a pee!!! Something I will NOT be saying should it happen a few years from now but .... HOW ADORABLE!!!!! He pee'ed in my stomach hehehehe. She went about checking other parts of the anatomy and on coming back to the bladder 10 minutes later it had already been refilled. Music to my ears, baby was swallowing amniotic fluid and pee'ing it out like a little champ [insert VERY proud grin here]..

My ultrasound is on Monday and I'm so looking forward to seeing baby again. I have a couple of questions which I need to ask and this time I really am going to assert myself with the gynae. I am so tired of walking out of an appointment pretending to be happy with his stupid mumblings in answer to my questions when in actual fact I leave even more confused...!!
The first thing would be the Ecotrin he has me taking up until 38 weeks. This is a very low dose of aspirin which thins the blood. Usually given to women in pregnancy who have suffered repeat miscarriages, have had high blood pressure in previous pregnancy, or developed pre-eclampsia in previous pregnancy. I have not suffered any of the above so why? - I asked him at my last U/S app and he simply replied "its to keep the placenta healthy" okay dr so when do I stop taking it - his reply "at 38 weeks". I know two other patients of his that are currently pregnant and neither were prescribed this pill so why me? Surely 38 weeks is far to late to stop taking the pill because I am having a cesear and we all know aspirin thins the blood reducing your chances of blood clotting which could be fatal in such an operation. Anyway - I simply have to tell him that I was not happy with the answer he gave me and would like a detailed explanation as to why he felt it necessary to put me on this shit.... afterall this is my baby and my body and long after the dr is gone I will be stuck with any long lasting effects of this, if any.
Then I will tell him that I need a detailed scan. The last scan he raced through - he did not listen to the heartbeat, he did not take any other measurements except crown to rump and threw me back a week again. Eventually at the end he decided to measure the femur and what do ya know????? I am actually right about my dates and he was way off!!! Stupid quack!! Let me remind you that I have a video taping these scans so it is important to me to get all the measurements including BPM of heart so if need be later in the pregnancy I can make comparisons in the comfort of my own home without calling his offices every five minutes to look it up in the file.

Then of course its the anterior placenta question. He mentioned to me at the last app. that I had an anterior placenta but gave me no further information. I want to know if it right in front and over my scar? therefore making a cesaer to dangerous to perform? Or is it half at the top and in the front? At what point does it start migrating upwards?

Sigh .... I know it sounds like I'm complaining but I get so worked up before these appointments because I know he disappoints me every time. This is a special time for me and surely its his duty to make it feel that way. This is the reason I have opted to see a midwife between gynae app's so that every 2 weeks I am seeing someone. As mentioned in previous posts, she is amazing - I love her, she is thorough and caring and everything that my gynae should be. Yes you may be asking why Im sticking with him? Well the other gynae's here where I stay have practiced here only and I'm a little nervous of small town dr's especially when it comes to cutting my stomach open. My dr. practiced in Martizburg and is a friend of my dr in Jhb (the one who delivered my daugher). He is very well known in the Durban circles and comes highly recommended. So there you have it ... his bedside manners may leave a lot to be desired but he knows his stuff!!

Valentine's

2009-02-19T02:11:00.000-08:00

My daughter Kaylah went to a Valentine's dance on Friday night organised through her school. It just amazes me when I see her dressed up, how much she has grown and into such a lovely little lady. She has been so diligent with her weight loss and exercise and has blossomed into such a confident and well rounded person. Her total weight loss since mid 2008 is 6kg's so mom is very proud of her.

Here are some pics taken just before the dance (she is the one with pink ribbon on her dress:

In the car and ready to go...

Shy smile ....

They were each allowed one alcoholic beverage before leaving..

Milestones

2009-02-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny how the first four months of pregnancy fly by in a buzz of exciting activity? First we find out we are pregnant then cannot wait to see the heartbeat, thereafter we doubt ourselves on a daily basis and try to find any excuse to go back to the dr's rooms sooner than the app. scheduled a whole month away - ANYTHING just to make sure all is still well in there. We question why from one day to the next our morning sickness varies from extreme to non-existent, or our breasts are not as tender on some days (poking and prodding them to such an extent that they hurt in the end and you feebly convince yourself that they are, indeed, still tender, regardless of how they got that way). Going to pee and checking the toilet paper EVERY SINGLE TIME to make sure there is absolutely no bleeding or spotting. Sound familiar? Perhaps there are even a few of us who have pee'd on a stick even after all the confirmation in the world, just because we didn't "feel" pregnant between apps. Of course we must never forget the round ligament pain and every little stretch or twinge sends us into a panic as we hope and pray that it is not miscarriage.
We then start fretting about the blood draw at the 12 week scan - too scared to believe that we are one of the lucky one's. The purchase of a doppler at this time has crossed our minds as we are still too early to feel baby move but the reassurance of the heartbeat is a wonderful substitute and of course we convince ourselves that our stress is really not good for baby at all so the R400 plus is money well spent. We go for our NT scans, our stomach's wound up in a tight knot, hoping against all hope that the Nuchal Fold is what it should be and that the bloods will come back all clear. Not to mention (definately happens with me) that everytime the dr puts the sonar to my belly I forget to breathe and feel beads of sweat appear along my brow as I anxiously look for the reasuring pumping of baby's heart - then and only then, do I breathe and enjoy watching all the movements that I have yet to feel.
We move onto the next stage - Is is a girl or a boy? Counting the days off our calander until our next appointment. Our lives consisting of everything baby - all else coming a very far second. Putting stock in every old wives tale that ever existed including the Chinese Gender Chart and hoping that they all tell you what it is you are wanting to hear... those that don't - well you scrap them because they're just wrong aren't they? ;). EVENTUALLY you go for your 16 week scan - more bloods which equals more worry. And of course the very important hot dog or hamburger question. Yes, sadly some of our babies decide to sit with legs together, keeping it a closely guarded secret and the waiting game continues for yet another month. As you know I was one of the lucky one's and walked away with pictures of little hot dog firmly in hand. Celebrations for Oli - his first son, plans for the room, names, buying baby boy's first little outfit .... a flurry of activity. By now you are feeling movement now and again and loving every single minute of it. Perhaps you go for an early 3D scan and stare in amazement at this little being growing so well inside you. The movements become more regular and a pattern starts to develop - which means less need for the doppler. Then suddenly .......

you are 18/19 weeks pregnant, you're first four months gone to where? But now the weeks begin to drag on. Everything is done.. the flurry of activity seems to have settled into an almost calm. You know what you're having, you know baby is doing well, you know it all. The wait begins ........ You are past your earlier aches and pains, in fact you feel so normal you carry on your day to day activities as if you were not even pregnant. Stopping sometimes to remind yourself and others since you are a little miffed that it seems to have been all but forgotten. If you are anything like me - you want to be treated like a queen from beginning to end, to be waited on hand and foot but as things stand now I am still quite capable of shaving my own legs or doing my own pedicures.... roll on third trimester - and yes, I know I shouldn't have said that hehehe but I'll take my chances... I WANT TO FEEL SPECIAL!!

The thing is that the worry is still there, it will never go away but you give yourself small milestones, the biggest being the week that baby is considered viable. Now having been a member of a few TTC and pregnancy sites I have noticed that some infertiles (and I put stress on the word SOME) are of the opinion that unless you have to fight tooth and nail to get pregnant you take it for granted, do not appreciate it, even complain about it. I have two daughters yes and they did come easy to me but for this pregnancy I waited 5 years. All that said, I would simply like to point out that (as above) even though this is my third pregnancy, and I speak for all other pregnant women, I am not riding on the crest of a wave. I have REAL concerns all the time - I worry, I stress, I doubt myself just as much as anybody else .... but I NEVER EVER take this precious little gift from God for granted... that is where a lot of you are wrong.

Pictures

2009-02-12T03:47:00.001-08:00

I have not had much time to post lately but will make a concerted effort to sit my ass down tomorrow and catch up ... for now a picture ..

I had my 18wk belly shot taken this morning which I have also loaded. Wow - things are really happening in there....

4D Scan

2009-02-11T00:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was really an amazing day for me - I saw my little belly bean for a full half an hour. He was so active in there that I couldn't believe I am not feeling these movements all the time. At one point he even waved at us - I nearly started crying. Kaylah went with me so it was really amazing for her to see and she loved every minute. I could harp on for hours about it but I have posted some of the pictures in an album below - click on the album and enjoy....!

Make a Smilebox photobook

The Good the Bad and the Ugly?

2009-02-10T01:03:00.000-08:00

Okay well this weekend has been a bit of a tough one for me. Oli and I are not speaking at all and things are just not good at the moment. I asked him to help me clean out the huge mess in the garage this weekend - something I have been asking for a month of weekends and I get accussed of isolating myself and not letting him out. A quick reminder that he has been out EVERY weekend Friday and Saturday since we found out I am pregnant - with or without me!!. I am feeling so lonely in this pregnancy as he has done nothing to show any kind of excitement. I bought the paint for the room on Saturday and no offer was forthcoming to paint the room either. Needless to say Sunday morning started in a fight because he would have rather been out on a pic-nic we were invited to with friends (the same friends we are with EVERY WEEKEND), than at home with me cleaning the garage so i can find all of my daughter's baby things that need cleaning etc. I don't suppose then that its any surprise that he ended up going anyway and took the kids and left me at home alone to sort out the garage - including heavy stuff. I have since got in touch with a councelor who I am going to see hopefully this week and then drag Oli through with me. Hopefully this guy will give some insight as to where I am coming from and make him see that this sort of behaviour is completely distructive, not to mention causing me a great deal of stress which, in turn, is not healthy at all for baby.
Why the fuck should he come along after baby is born and take all the credit when for nine months he just wasn't there? Why must I continue to hang out at bars with friends that are all drinking and smoking when it is somewhere I just don't want to be but I get told "You are acting like your life is over"? Why the fuck does he just not get this? Why does he not take me out to a movie or dinner? Why does he HATE being home so much? I can't live like this and honestly, if this councelor cannot get through to him then I have no other alternative but to pack up my kids and leave. He needs to realise that he is a husband and father and if he enjoys the single life so much then he is absolutely and 100% welcome to it but I will not be sitting around warming dinner for when he decides to come home. I am NOT AN UNPAID FUCKING MAID!!! *deep breath* okay - vent over although I am still hurting a great deal and currently giving him the silent treatment I got some good news today which has helped lift my spirits....

A friend of mine sent a msg to me just now "It's a boy!!" We are about 3 days apart and I found out sex about 2 weeks ago but when she went to the dr baby's legs were crossed. I asked her if her next app. had moved earlier and she explained that the dr. who has a 4D scanner (just bought it) used her today as a guinea pig to see how to work it. So of course, me being me, I wanted a 4D scan too - I was soooo jealous (in a nice way of course). I called the dr. and was thrilled to find that the lady Tania was actually there with her (here in Margate) but flying back to Jhb tonight. Tania is a very experienced sonographer and if you want to know more about what she does her site is: www.4Dultrasound.co.za. - included in her site 3D pic's ranging from 8wks - 40wks. Anyway the receptionist let me speak to her directly and she could THANKFULLY see me today at 3:30pm!!!! Yippeee!!! I can't wait to see my baby!! Okay so its R500 but includes a large printed colour pic + 4 small pictures, a CD with still pictures, a DVD with the moving images with a nice tune playing in the background. They spend about half an hour on it. So she advised that I perhaps eat a small chocolate about 1 hour before I see her but I will probably do it within half an hour in case baby is fast asleep again. Hmmmm what am I going to do with myself until then ..... tick tock tick tock

Back tomorrow with pics!!!!

Some Funny Stuff

2009-02-06T07:55:00.000-08:00

I borrowed this from Tam's blog as I thought it was really funny - enjoy!!

Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?

Q. What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q. What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.

Found a Midwife

2009-02-06T03:49:00.000-08:00

I'm so thrilled.... I have found a midwife in my area that I never even knew was a midwife before - just thought she was a nurse. I went to speak to her yesterday and have decided to see her every month - along with my gynae - that way I will be seeing one of them every 2 weeks.

I just get so frustrated with my gynae because he doesn't seem to have the time or inclination to explain things properly to me. One visit I asked what the heartbeat was and he said "Oh its over 100 thats all you need to know" - nice huh? Then at another visit casually informs me I have an anterior placenta with no further information. I go on to read that its dangerous if you are having a cesear and um ... newsflash!!! I'm having a cesear due to having one the last time - and this you know!! Of course then there was the weight story where he was kind've cocky and asked if I'd had a really good Christmas - which sent me home with my tail between my legs.

Well I sat with midwife and spoke to her about all my concerns that the dr was not addressing. She was absolutely amazing. She took a urine sample (something I have to ask my dr to do at app's), blood pressure, fundul height. She showed me pictures of the female reproductive organs and exactly what causes the sharp pains in the ligaments. She explained how the placenta moves as you grow. She weighed me and was very happy with what I have put on so far - 4kg's (8.8 pounds). We covered breast feeding and she even explained in great detail how the cesearean procedure at the local hospital will work - i.e. when hubby will come in - where baby will go while I am being stitched etc etc.). She even put my mind at ease regarding my doppler (something the dr had made me worry about) - since she said as long as its not one of those that plug into a computer then its fine. I LOVE HER!!!! AND there were patients in the reception waiting to see her.

Sorry to waffle on like this but finally feel like I have found someone who gives me individualised care and takes my concerns seriously instead of making me feel stupid about them. :o)))

17 Weeks Today

2009-02-05T02:19:00.000-08:00

Yippee - I'm 17 weeks today and really feel like I've made headway so fast - where has the time gone? I am now feeling a lot more definate movements so don't have as much need for my doppler. Besides the fact that my gynae told me the other day when I called him in a panic that I should not be using doppler's AT ALL. Yea? whatever - I'm sure that's just because he gets calls much like the one I made to him with half hysterical women not being able to find baby's heartbeat, or hearbeat suddenly slowing right down for a second as mine did (perfectly normal dr told me). So I looked through my little book called "Expectant Mother's Guide" for a listing of midwives in my area and was very excited to find that there is one at the clinic just across the road from my house. I plan to speak to her today about my anterior placenta and what she thinks the chances are of it moving up since my dr is not very forthcoming with information and I find this highly fucking annoying. I would also like to check with her what she thinks of my weight gain thusfar (6kg's) and how she feels about me trying to stick to gaining 2kg's per month or less (last month excluded) - since as previously mentioned, my dr made me feel so bad for the weight I had gained. Then of course there is the all important breastfeeding that I need her to help me with. I need an ally, someone who will stand firm when I waver against the nurses that could potentially ruin my breastfeeding experience like they did with my daughter. One even went so far as to be outright rude to me on my first night after giving birth when my daugher cried a lot and just wanted to feed all night. On leaving strict instructions on the clipboard at the foot of my bed "BREASTFEEDING ONLY" - her comment at about 4am to me was "You mother's all seem to think you know better - you must give a top-up bottle or your baby will starve" .... if I only knew then what I know now - I would have given her a piece of my mind. Ever heard of supply and demand you lazy bitch?? So from that day we fell into a vicious cycle where I thought I never had enough milk so the supplementary bottles became more and more thus causing less and less milk to be produced .... get my drift?? Well this time I will get it right if I die trying - even if it means bringing in my own army to keep that dreaded bottle away from baby.

I have so much going on in my head at the moment - choice of cot being one of them but that is for another day.....

Nursery Dilemma?

2009-02-02T22:53:00.000-08:00

I've been worrying a little bit about the nursery because our house has been on the market for the last 1.5 years and although as yet (due to a terrible market) we have not sold, that bitch Murphey's Law will probably have someone waltz in when I'm 8 months pregnant and fall in love with it. This leaves me with the dilemma of painting out baby's room. I am soooo itching to start painting but it just seems everything is on hold because of the house. I spoke to Oli to perhaps take it off the market for the duration of my pregnancy up until baby is at least 6 months old and his theory is that its been on the market so long nothing is going to happen... [insert dark ominous music here] ....

Anyway I think I may just throw caution to the wind and buy the paint this weekend - I want to get started and I'm sick and tired of sitting around on my fat ass doing nothing. I honestly don't even feel like we're expecting a baby - Morgan's room was already painted by this stage. I have so many cute little things from when Morgan was a baby including her baby chairs, camp cot, pram and lots of little toys. What I need is a baby bath, a chest of drawers and some cupboards since this particular room has no built in cupboards believe it or not. At the beginning of the pregnancy I told O that I had the campcot so wouldn't bother with a cot since Morgan's cot was badly damaged by her super powers when she was small - chewing all the paint off the sides, hurdling over the railings when she did not want to sleep, or rattling it like a cage until the screws popped out... so all this action totally bent the mechanisms and coupled with our big move the whole cot finally gave up the ghost and is really only good for firewood right now.

MUGSHOT OF PERPETRATOR BELOW:
(Spot the Halo!!)

I guess that's what you get for buying cheap cots. I have, of course, since changed my mind about getting a cot since I want baby's room to look beautiful and I get so much pleasure in decorating it. I really need to shop around but what I am looking for this time is a cot that doubles as a small bed for when baby grows out of it - that way its not money wasted on something that's only going to be used for 2 years (if that).
I have yet to come up with a theme and have done absolutely no shopping around to get ideas. Why do I feel like time is closing in on me when I am not even halfway yet? I guess its because I know how uncomfortable the last few months can be and I don't want to be worrying about it then. [Note to self - start googling themes for little boys - pronto] [ps.... and names]

I have some pictures below on the current state of the "nursery" and since it is such a big room I am contemplating keeping the queen size bed in there so I don't disturb O in the early days when I wake up to do feeds - such a nice idea right? Then again this all depends on where the cupboards are going - they will probably be free-standing since O does not want to put money into the house if we are selling. Oooohhh so much to plan - its driving me a little batty...

Rocking Chair, Doughnut and Breast Feeding Cushion

Morgan's early baby toys

Camp Cot and Basic Pram

2 Car chairs and some of Morgans Baby Clothes suitable for a little boy